Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Youre such a beautiful person Deebi, catching up with your gorgeous mil...Your both precious to each other and that’s so sweet...I’m pleased that you both had some good happy times and some happy memories have been made....your mil has a gentle heart like you..how can I not love her...💖..

I hope your foot is not to sore after your little walk honey...please don’t push yourself I’d you go for walks...nice and slow with if possible no hills...just until your foot heals 100%...hopefully it will soon...🤗..

Ill check on silverside packet..for cooking instructions, but I have no doubt at all the way you told me is how you cook it..so must be yummy...

Hows your headache honey..have you managed to choof it away...geez I hope so...they are so tiring...I’m wondering if the warmer weather is causing tiredness is us...?

I’m making fish cocktails mixed with a garden salad 🥗 with lemon/oil dressing..my favourite meal in summer....I’ll 🚜 over to your with it all when it’s ready and we can sit on your patio with our meal and a nice glass of mixed fruit juice 🥤....Then I’ll clean up for you, then we can sit and chat about our day today...positives only....My positive for today is...umm...thinking...I planted some Capsicum seeds...and tomatoes seeds...I hope they grow...both high in vitamin C and very yummy...Do you have a positive for today, that you want to share with me?....

Whats your day been like today bbff...RUOK?...

Dearest friend...please be okay...always...yadimh....wiwawyip super soul spirit sister...👭so we could walk along the beach together..we would always be laughing and motivating each other daily...🐻🤗..

Love you Deebi...🦋🌹👼🦄..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Grandy...🌜💫🌛...

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 👋

Just quickly popping in to thank you for your always beautiful loving supportive post.

Read at yours too sweetyheart. I really like what you've said.

I've been thinking of you a lot today do anyway but hoping you're ok cause I know yesterday you werent which worries me. Sorry I did mean to post at yours to check in on you. Just sleeping heaps out of tiredness again.

I'll bbl tomoz honey if that's ok darlin 🤗

Had a couple of stronger meds for head again make me sleepy too.

Love you Grandy so deeply 🐻🤗💜👩‍❤️‍👩💫🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone 🤗..

I hope today see you without a headache 🤕....I’m so really sorry hun that they keep popping up from time to time...My Wish is that one day they’ll choof of forever...l

Please don’t be sorry about not posting on mine..The most important thing you can do for me and the other beautiful people here...is to take good care of you....please..

Im glad to hear that you had a little walk and with a hill....That’s good Deebi...because I know you like your walks...but please be mindful of your sore foot...although I think somehow your mind keeps reminding you because it feels the ouchy your foot has....

I did pop in last night to wish you a good night...unfortunately it looks like it got taken into cyber space...

I daily have you in my 💭....Love and care for you so much..💖 🐻🤗..

Kind thoughts....love and hugs everyone..💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🦄👼🌛...

[demonblaster]

My beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy and every one hi 👋😊

Thanks for your concern darlin my foot seemed ok after the walk and tada I did one today on the beach. Up to half hr maybe but stopped at the rocks. Took you with me Grandz we looked at the Algae the patterns in the sand the waves seagulls driftwood listened to the steady roar and felt the sun. Was nice. I liked what you said at yours.

My positive is meeting someone that I've become so close to and love so deeply here. You hun 🤗💜

That sounds really good and healthy thanks the fish meal was lovely, loved our time. How do you make your dressing? I know oil and lemon.
Just turn the meat every now and then it'll probs take close to 3 hrs. Good luck it's so nice.

Yay finally choofed the 🤕thanks sweetyheart so nice not having it.

Hope your tom & Capsicum seeds do well. Didnt know Caps are high Vit C. I like the Red ones beautiful fresh flavour.

About 2 days ago I was pleased I became aware of so many yukko negative thoughts. I've been ok thanks hun just sleeping so much but pleased a walk today.

Cool going to be having the dressings 2nd daily now woo hoo. Its going well

I wish so much wiwawyip beautiful love you so much. Please be ok darlin. Going to yours now ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💫🐻🤗🤝😚

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

I’m happy your foot seems okay after your walk yesterday, and a peaceful walk on the beach is something I miss so much....My youngest want me to go down his for Christmas..where he has promised me a day or two at the beach as well as a night bbq on the beach which has the bbq and ammenities to do so...Not sure yet if I’ll go..I want to but the beaches are so busy through the day...

Deebi..I love moss..is Algiers similar to moss in appearance...See Weed is nice to look at as well...but icky if your in the water and it’s swimming with us...it feels slippery to touch....

Awe Deebi...I cried 😢, when I read your positive..I feel the same as you..Love and care deeply for you..

I put some oil, Juice a full lemon, some crushed garlic, finely chopped parsley, salt and Pepper..mix it all together....yummy..I put extra in and drink it when the salad is gone...

So so very happy your headache 🤕 has choofed of for the day...keep plenty of water in you...Please honey especially since it’s starting to warm up....

Did you know Deebi..the red capsicums are really green capsicums left to ripen more....I like them both...yummy when cooked on the bbq...or filled with rice, mince, garlic and tomatoes..then baked until ready...I hope they grow...capsicums are expensive to buy sometimes..well most times...

Every second day for dressing change..that sounds like it’s healing well....Good girl catching the yucko negative thoughts...It’s okay sleeping honey...if you need it..Honey is it okay if I gently remind you to eat well..and even if you walk around your home a little to keep your body getting a bit of movement...☺️...Please be okay bbff....always...

Good night bbff...I’m outside atm sitting on my veranda smelling of insect repellent spray...it’s a beautiful night with lots of stars out...peeking at me... 🤗..I’m heading in as soon as I post this for a cuppa tea and a cookie....or two...I have plenty for us all..if you want to pop over before bed...

I hope you sleep well and peaceful dreams come your way..bbff..lysvm...yadimh...wiwawyip...so very much..💖🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄👼..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🦋🌹🍃💫🚜🌔✨⭐️🌟💥☄️🌈

Kind thoughts...love and hugs everyone...

[demonblaster]

Heya beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 😊

I had hope recently that my foot was healing but nah. Not agony but most pains first getting up. I can handle it but fear it getting worse.

How lovely your youngest wanting to be with you over Xmas. Busy yes but people are pretty much doing their own thing sweety and you'll be amongst people that love and care about you. Your choice though lovely.

Moss and Algae actually it might have been weed. My love was passionate for fishing and used to get weed and cabbage off the rocks for Blackfish. Algae is slimy and Green quite dark I think but maybe varies in shades. It looked really soft and neat all in one direction.
Seaweeds is icky when it tangles in the water isnt it 🤤

Thanks sounds nice your Lemon dressing. I wondered about mixed herbs be ok I dont get parsley often but have some dried stuff.

Yes I knew about Caps turning Red, not sure about the Yellow ones? It's amazing isnt it what nature can do. Something for every form of life.
My love sometimes stuffed them with a tasty mince dish Yummm

Thanks darlin yes I had too much meat LOVE it but veg the last 3 days.

How lovely that sounds you sitting on your veranda, haha the little insects after you. ✨ sound a treat, thanks for telling us about that it was really nice hearing it.

I hope you're feeling better today and got some sound sleep. Takes a while getting back into routine doesnt it. Hope you're not still having nightmares.

Love you Grandy pubAok lysvm yAdimh wiwawyip 💫 beautiful friend soul sis 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜✨🌱🤝🦄💫👼😙😊⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗.

I googled Algae then images..I remember now what it looks likes..it’s really very beautiful when it just free floats in the water, like strands of green hair flowing along on top of the water with the ebb flow.....Moss is similar but more teeny weeny itsy bitsy......Just as slippery though..I remember last winter going for a little bit of moss skating, loosing my balance and oops..ouchy😂😂...

Mixed herbs is yummy with it...I used to use Italian mixed herbs...haven’t for a while now....Good girl eating veggies for three days....I seasoned some flour and coated some chicken pieces with it and deep fried them tonight..enough for a couple of nights...not very healthy but so 😋...

How was your day today and your physical and mh honey?....I’m sorry your foot still hurts you.😢..Did you out today somewhere or just stayed at home?...

Please you be okay ...always bbff..I get concerned about you lot...On waking I think about you and how your feeling...day dream a bit about a beach walk or country walk together....hmmm a little like BP....north and south...coast and country...😂..

Love you Deebi💖....wiwawyip..lysvm..yadimh..sss...

sleep well dearest bbff..and everyone...

Kind thought....Love and hugs 💖🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼....🌜🐻🤗🌛..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all good people hiyaz 🖐

Yes I just had a squiz too. Interesting Moss is in dry places Algae in wet. They look similar.
I thought they were same family but they say not related. Algae is an organism. There's 12,000 species of Moss.

It does look lovely doesnt it. It looked so peaceful and soft all sitting comfortably in the same direction.
I imagined us talking about it on our walky.
You worded that very well hun.
" it’s really very beautiful when it just free floats in the water, like strands of green hair flowing along on top of the water with the ebb flow..."
Nice memory and the sun on the Green was quite vibrant and healthy looking.

Oh yum the chook sounds really good. I'll have a go with your dressing some day too.
Good idea keeping Lemons handy. A Dr once said when he feels a cold coming on he eats a Lemon skin and all.

No stayed home yesterday lovey. This foot I don't know it just keeps going Grandy.
Good mh and physical not bad thanks darl. Hip groin always an issue sometimes worse.
Wow I was in such a good deep sleep this morning, got up for nature call reluctantly shame couldnt get back into it. Not sure when the nurse is coming, usually I know so got up.

😃 North and South yes a walk amongst trees would be lovely too.
You're in my thoughts on waking too and often throughout the day sweety lady.
Hope your days a good one Grandy ☺🤗

I'd like to fiddle around learning more on meditation.
Would like to walk again today but probs sleep more. Didnt sleep yesterday arvo.

Everyone lets make this a day with positive thoughts memories and hope. There really is better in us. I do believe this.

Take care everyone 🌱

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🌱✨🌅🤝👼😚👁

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I try to always have lemons in my kitchen..I like them the best of all citrus fruits, I like the tangy and sour taste of them....

I wish so much that I was their to see it for real...The beach my youngest so takes me to hasn’t got Algae...or much sea weed....but it does have some tiny shells along the waters edge, which I like to pick up for the bottom of my candle jars, and standing my candles on them....I tried to grow moss once..I failed 😂...

I remember so long my feet hurt for..I think now yours well over a year...It goes all of a sudden...I hope so much yours goes away soon...To be truthful even though mine has gone, I still occasionally feel that niggle of pain on my heal, so I take it easy for a few days...

Your hip honey..maybe a hip replacement later on?...

Thats okay staying home honey..I do as well, but lately been sitting a long part of my days on my veranda, getting sun on my body..feels good now, not looking forward to summer though it’s to hot outside except for the nights...Please Deebi..try as hard as you can to not cocoon yourself to much..I know that you do very good in company...Maybe an occasional phone call to one of your lovely besties, or a nice visit to mil...to get out a bit..mil gives you a destination..

Awe sorry nature called you out of bed this morning..that’s annoying especially if you were in a deep sleep...Hopefully today you can get some more sleep....

Its nice hearing your mh is good as well as the majority of your physical health....I hope they both continue to rise...

Not sure if mindfulness gives same benefit as meditation..I find it so very hard to body scan, no concentration at all..my mind wanders...I think I need to see things to take my mind to a peaceful place, once I see something and focus on it..my other senses seem to awaken, hearing, feeling, etc...

I hope your day is a good day honey with lots of light shining into your beautiful heart....Love and care so much for you precious friend..wiwawyip...yadimh..always..🌜🐻🤗🌛 💖

Kind thoughts....love and hugs everyone 💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🤝 super glued..👀..looking after you..

[demonblaster]

Hi bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and good people ☺

I too like very much tangy fruit. Good you have lemons on hand.
Some manderins hardly any seeds and tangy. Lovely

You're gorgeous maybe you could google growing Moss.
The tiny shells would be nice for the candle bases.

Yes easily I reckon over a yr this foot. Its bearable but I cant risk it increasing.
Its either groin or hip wow Grandz the pain before was phenomenal still catches on occasion and often hurts walking but not as often as severe. Painful though. Had it several yes now.

It is easy to coccoon isnt it. Every now and then I do or have calls or text or msg. I'm ok atm.

It's tricky when our minds wander but thats ok just calmly & gently redirect it. I havent done it regularly over the yrs but had some astounding success in mania and down times even if just for a few seconds it's broken the flow. I like the idea of going to peaceful places in our minds. I got to I think level 4 on insight timer so I might start again sometime.
I did have a good sleep, not long up.

I hope your day too beautiful friend was/is good for you huns.
I like you have your plants to focus on. Oh capsicums I hope they work for you geez they're always quite pricey arent they.

Love and care very deeply about you dear Grandy.
PubAok lysvm yAdimh wiwip can't find the bangle.

🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌛👼✨🌅☀️👀🤝
You look after me SO well. Love and appreciate you so much bbff 😙🌱🌈