Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[mmMekitty]

Good news about getting a hip replacement - though I am 'arky' about you having to have so much pain for so long, & still have to wait longer.

I've worked on my food choices so much, I am wondering what else I can do? Probably those things, like you & the 🍫reduction... but for me, it would be more about cheese & pasta - thing I 'think' I can't live without. Plan to give up coffee someday. No nutrition & expensive. It's not much different to other legal substances we can become addicted to or dependant upon. If they provide no healthful benefit, whilecosting us money - this is a decent reason to remove them from our lives.

I will spend somewhat more to have wholemeal pasta & Multigrain bread, & bake my bikkies with wholemeal flour, too, although, percentage-wise, there is not much in them anyway. I do find wholemeal pasta & multigrain grain bread more filling, & so don't need to use so much as I did before.

But I'll do a Devonshire Tea with Grandy, yourself, Paws, Croix, Hanna, & anyone else included, furbubs & all, under any big old oak tree, anywhere, anytime.😹

Please t;ry to pace yourself, DB. I know how it is to want to get more done while feeling able & the mood is up, but I feel sure I wouldn't be telling you anything new to remind you how over-doing things can equally adversely affect your mental health. Just a note of caution.❤️

Hope you enjoy the bushwalking - a gentle bushwalk, with stops for taking photos or just listening to whatever you can hear, smelling the bushland, stuff like that, giving you good memories & feelings about it.😺

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️to all,

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to all,

Yayyyy!!!! How wonderful you will be getting a new hip within the year... finally!!

I loved the vision Grandy saw in her crystal ball... yep name the time & the tree & I will be there... Woofa has volunteered to come & hoover up any crumbs or spilt jam & cream... he promises not to chase mmMekitty & to play gently with all the furs.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, waves mmMeKitty, Paws and everyone..🤗..

Thats really good news about the hip replacement....I am so happy for you and hope that it’s sooner then later...A new hip....will give you a lot more quality into your life....gentle walks with your gorgeous love is something for you to look forward too....Don’t forget to let us know the date...I will start toread up on hip replacements so I can be there with you to make certain the surgeon is doing his best job....

My Dr. advised me not to take otc anti inflammatory meds...as it doesn’t sit well with my heart disease...I did find at work some gel eye masks..that you keep in the fridge and wear when a migraine attack....so I’ll try next time and let you know how and if it works....

You’re doing so well with all the work you set out to do...I am really proud of you for sticking with it...you go girl 🥇...I never doubted that you wouldn’t finish....but I know a but...please do it steadily..remember slow and steady gets things done...doesn’t matter how long it takes...

Awe gee, honey...I was saddened to read that you have been crying...wish I was their for you...I would have had our cloud soft cloth and gently dried your tears....Oh no...and suffering with a migraine...Don’t they knock us around a lot?...I do hope that it’s choofed off now..🤗..

Deebi,.,.Hard isn’t it?....giving up the carbs...I remember many years ago...hubby wanted me to loose weigh..he took all the carbs out of the kitchen..sugar, bread, chocolates, milk, eggs, biscuits..everything....he licked them up for him...I will say though, that the weight dropped off me..and so did my energy and my health..,,so please precious friend...moderation is the best way to go....not eliminating them all completely...

Sorry I haven’t been around for you that much.... in my heart/soul and thoughts I talk to you each day...wondering and hoping that you are okay....RUOK?...honey..only when you feel to answer...no pressure...

SSS love and care sweet bbff...24/7..with some warm comforting and friendship hugs...💙🦋🌹🧸🤗...a seed dropped from a bird 🕊..starts to grow 🌱 with the right care, a bit of love and nourishment it grows 🌿 and continues to grow🌳..getting stronger within itself...The more we care for ourselves with care, love and nourishment the stronger we become both mentally and physically...

Hugs to everyone 🤗 as well as my care and love..🤗🦋💜.

Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌳..

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB & all.

I know now, I have bursitis in my right shoulder - fairly manageable if I don't do things that hurt it. I want to try physical therapy, & hope that'll be effective... I feel like I have joined a club I've recently heard from people, so much about, all only these last few months! (Sorry,) it's like a virus going round & I had caught it! 😼

It took me a while to get to read Oliver Sacks' book on Migraine. It still has some useful info, but would love it if some specialist like Oliver Sacks had been, could update it. He was a Neurologist who talked about people & their experiences, his own included. First bublished in 1970 & a revised editinon was published 1992 - maybe that was the one I had. Even if so, it could do with further updated information.

It has helped me understand much more than I would have without it. I still cannot fully appreciate how Migraine is actually experienced. Your discussion about them is very important, for those who only have recently diagnosed, & people like me, who could do with some education, to use when we do meet someone who has Migraine.

I hope the eye mask helps, Grandy. It would go so well with the Super 🦸‍♀️Grandy persona I am thinking up for you! I do believe most are a rich aqua blue, even nicer than the colour in the emoji. Would you like that?

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Nice & extra soft, for anyone.😺

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hey lovelies ☺

I'm ok still can laugh chat etc but it's yeah Grandy damnned hard!. but then theres mania so its not all bad & getting stronger's a boom too.

I actually remember parts of this recent mania (extra bursts over a couple days) it was suff I know like looking for positives and feeling them which I was bought up to appreciate the good things but we can forget.

Mostly my bodies getting me outta bed early either back pain ?sinusy thing really plays with the breathing its stressful.

Had a few m9re blaghh days but able to pull out now days within a reasonable time whereas before it'd be WOW! SO SO Black! It's dark Brown now days with doses of Black then between during episodes its still blaghh Brown with severalsun sparks at times too.

Rah rah that'll do for now ☺

I started a reply but need to make it fit & edit so think I'll fluff around over the w/e. It's taken hrs with a couple of others so might just blob for a while.

Grandy always a dose of you is fantastic thx hun. Loved the seed growing.

A reminder of one of our many great times the other day with a particular emoji gave me a really nice happy can't think which one but instant happy 😀and you with the surgeon you're so gorgeous. I 😂 remembering you jumping in the mri tunell and supervising the surgeon h for my hip oh youre a gem girl.

Sorry I really want to reply properly I need to note. Do sometimes then forget.

Some more physical South rot that's at times wanting to pull my hair out 😮 when and if I scratch it ends up sore with risk of more friggen carbuncles that for now anyway are resting.

I think a lots related to stress which is pretty full on in mh as we all know too well.

Gotta keep at it though eh. I'm not as blaghh all the time theres plenty of goods including this sweet dear soul 😍 oh he's a precious man.

Thanks beautifuls.

Kitty yes same I've learnt to try not using the arm it caught a couple of beauties today we forget eh. It's about 80% improved but yikes still some cracking pain. Seeing Dr soon. Couldnt get in earlier. It'll settle. Sure I dislocated something in bed before related to the bursitis making it a slower recovery. Geez your hip must be tragic Grandz poor darlin.

Cyaz thanks heaps for everything really ☺😚🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐺🐾🐧🐕💗✨💫🗯

[mmMekitty]

😺As & when, DB.

I just got myself so warm I am sweating, & took off my dressing gown. Pasta & tinned tomatoes with cheese & a little garlic butter for extra. 😺 But I forgot the pesto. Oh well,there will be a next time, when I won't be so tired & wanting to put my legs up & won't forget anything I want to include in this meal.

It is so easy to be thinking, grab that thing off the shelf, reach up with my usually dominant arm, & hurt my right shoulder again. Sometimes it really does feel like something is being dislocated in there, especially when I try to get comfortable at night, to sleep, often on my right side. Otherwise it's lying on my back Either way the nose gets annoying to downright damn near impossible.

I feel my mood, my grumpiness & impatience are increasing as my tiredness increases. These seem to be all linked together.

Pain is like that, too, gets worse with aspects mood, or vice versa,

I used to think I was not so good in the mornings. But now I feel I am at my best then, whatever time I wake up (& don't get back to sleep or have done earlier) When I get up, I'm in less pain, I can think, one at a time, what I need to do or am going to do that day, am more comfortable writing.

Tonight I wish to send you, DB, Grandy, Paws, Croix & all, ☮️peace & 🎶Harmony🌈, &warm, gentle💞hugs from me.

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hi 👩‍❤️‍👩🐺🐧🐾🐕 and readers 👋

Uh oh wee hrs. Funny well not literally 😄 that you got overheated and took your dressing gown off I too which is what woke me and coughing until I had a drink of water wouldn't stop. I've been steadily smoking longer than usual but same no intention of full time again. Not only health but $ its insane to continue esp that I fear having lung related consequences. Until I tame that inner rebellious bully that insists we do the wrong thing by ourselves it wins. Want to be well off them a while before the op too. Another solid reason to stay off em. I need to curb the stubborness too because I have patches tho I can almost do it on my ear in normal times. Just need to get to that place. Not as common these days.

Crikey I read my last post back. Need to be sure to note/edit. I think the gist came out just but wow.

I haven't experienced dislocation before but have seen on TV and heard from peeps. It was really intense felt like although I eventually did that I couldn't move that eased it. Could be as you said feels like it. If I even get to see the Dr damn could have seen him the other day but had a head cold. Its usual at some point I start coughing with smoking. No other symptoms sore throat fever etc but they need to be careful. Actually we have a self test here so I'll do it today for ? Covid that I doubt but wouldnt hurt to check

Grandy don't ever feel you're not around much. you always are precious friend. Geez you have so much to contend with and being a CC would keep you busy. Ditto always in Spirit Heart h soul sweety. Anyway you are around often hun 🤗😚💜

Kitty yes everything seems exacerbated in mh doesn't it from emotions sensitivity to pain threshold. Too much fun

Darl soz could you plz name your poetry thread again I could look back just being slacko and your personal thread if you'd like support there. These days I'm sporadic but would like to support you when I'm not withdrawing. In those times it's near impossible to word properly and feel that there's any worth in what I'm saying. Sometimes takes hrs for one post but get there which is what matters eh.

Tiredness it's hard work isnt it. It strips our tolerance patience etc

Sorry peeps this is best description. Like theres snot up high but it doesn't come out blowing the nose tho s.times after I'm up it does. Can't sleep with it.

Nearly out of letters thx ☺ always 🐺💗⚘

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯💫✨🌱

[mmMekitty]

Ohwah! DB, I didn't want to be up this early, but since I am...,

My first thread I've been using more like a journal & place to chat (so I can find it!) is located in this same section, Long term support over the journey, & it's called:

Introducing mmMekitty

& my poems thread, in PTSD and Trauma, is called:

Poems by mmMekitty *TW*

*

I cooled a bit before getting to sleep, got hot again, & like you, I have nose/snot problems & then the book I was listening to, the reader sometimes speaks too loud & sometimes too soft, so it is difficult to decide what volume to leave it at. Then I wonder what time I woke with crap in my throat, & an email had come in, which has me thinking too much to get back to sleep. That was 4:40am. & I'm taking some time writing this after looking at older emails & the attachments, which I can't read easily... keep thinking, surely we have sent all we needed to send so what do I have that they still need?

& I'm feeling I want my dressing gown on again! & a cuppa, too.

I'll return later.😺I'll scoot over to the BB Café for my cuppa.

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone...

Yucky..sinus with post natal drip? Is terribly uncomfortable..

A couple of things I do when I get that...is to put a couple of teaspoons of Vick’s Vapour Rub...into a small bowl with boiling water...put a towel over your head...cover you and the steaming Vick’s bowl....then breathe in through your nose...gently at first...hopefully you’ll feel your gorgeous nose becoming less stuffed up still gently breathe trough your nose with the Vick’s steam.....it might also get rid of the post nasal drip.....also I put some eucalyptus oil drops onto a tissue and place inside the pillow slip...so I can smell it....the eucalyptus oil drops don’t work much for me in clearing up my nose...but it sure does smell fresh....no pressure to try...just thought I would mention something that works for me....never know unless you try it..if it works for you...no pressure to try at all honey...

Thank you, for making me feel not so bad...about me not being here to support you...as much as I normally are...You truely are my bbff....love you dear sweet friend.💙🦋🌹🕊🌱...🧸🤗🦄👼.

Good girl, doing a covid test...your so right...it doesn’t hurt to check...and it takes only a few minutes..

I hope you and Mr Deebi...have a beautiful day today....I made you some hot lemon and honey drink...Great to sip on throughout the day and night...

Hugs everyone with my love and care...🤗💜🌹..

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB!😺 Hope you don't mind me dropping in? I've got a big pot of steaming 🍲 something... what does it smell like? Stew? or my old mittens? I'll just put it on a very low simmer, eh? &, you can decide whether it's fit to 🍜eat or to use as 💩fertilizer, 😺.

Hope you are feeling better these days.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty