Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone...🤗..

I am sorry that you’re having such a hard time both mentally and physically.....

I couldn’t afford to see my Cardiologist if it wasn’t for my Doctor ringing him up and organising bulk billing for my appointments..I think most Drs can do that....Did you ask your Dr...if not dearest bbff...it’s worth a try...It’s not good for you to have to put up with so much physical pain...🤗..

Awe, honey...grieving is a very person think...and honestly..it doesn’t matter how long it takes us...grieving comes our heart and soul...and it’s something that no one has control over....I think you were right to gently disagree with her....You take all the time you need to sweet lady....

How did your outing go, with your besty with very sick friend..you have a beautiful heart full of support to the ones you love/like/care for...I hope you had a nice time...

Please Deebi...It’s okay doing things...just a gentle reminder from me to please take it easy and only do things when you feel up to it...Its okay to take a break from doing things..

Mania does help..in times of mentally drained days...and it’s so good that you can use that to your advantage..,the only problem is, that mania doesn’t last long and we have to be very gentle and caring on ourselves when it decides to leave us for a while....and try hard to rest both body and mind....

Maybe if you ring your mental health support service and tell that that you do need some help in managing your mental health....It’s hard without that type of help....I remember when I had no support worker for a few months..it really did make it a lot harder for me..,,I wish I could ring them for you..🤗..

I am about to go out and mow my lawn soon...I do hope your feeling better, then when you last posted..always here for you my sweetest bbff....both in heart and soul...Sending you lots of my love,..with heaps of my care..and one huge huggily huggle 🤗 hug..,that’s guaranteed to make you feel safe..💙👼🦄🧸🤗🌹🌹🦋🕊🌱..

Hugs everyone..🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi sweety Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovelies 👋

Thanks for your lovely visit darlin friend I appreciate very much you saying its ok not getting other things done you know I made great progress with the passwords but still have more to do. It's been busy lately doing all sorts of internet stuff and some social too.

I've been playing a lot of online free (small cost) which I havent spent any for ages I'm improving a lot which is good. Made some enourmous improves with whats been a huge problem in the past. Pleased a chunk of compulsions settled.

Getting onto checking out my walking bizzo being very hard most of the time. Had Aorta and iliacs ? Arteries or veins ultrasound checked out for blood flow. Seeing ortho surgeon soonish for hip. And Xray on shoulder ? Bursitis which is still there but easing off. Crikey nasty stuff.

Grandy please be careful with those lawns I worry about you 9verdoing it. I truly wish I could do your yawns hun 😢 & dearly wish we could be rl. One day maybe eh we need hope. Without it there's not much to hold onto. I love we have here but... sigh

I've lost the bulk of the weight gain. Only got 3 more kg's to get to what I recently was then to get back to the original big loss about 18 more so getting there.

Iknow the area that I've been Stuck finding the thing but want to get stuck in and really look harder. It's SO important damn it! I'll get there,

Yay finally got a call from my new mhw after I rang he sounds nice. Seeing him soonish.

Absolutely loving my life with this beautiful dear Mr 😍 Deebi we're very happy. What a lovely soul the gorgeous.

Thanks Grandy lovey yip it was good we see him a bit I didnt today had another headache 🤕 ok atm after a few meds.

Yes I tried the bulk billing but will ask him when I see him as well. Hopefully otherwise they're ok to wait a bit. Gotta get this damn hip sorted geesh terrible pain for yrs. Pretty much daily often.

Yes manias great while it lasts then there's the phoo dark rot to contend with. It's incredible how low it goes.

Had a bit of a tiff with other besty we talked but havent since. We'll be ok. We love eachother deeply.

Will be trying for NDIS again soonish I was knocked back because the fill in Dr and I 8n poor mh forgot to get back to an important part which I said about so hopefully be ok with that.

Always you're in my 🗯 Grandy geez I really deeply love you. PubAok need you in my life dearest bbff ☺🤗💗👩‍❤️‍👩💜💫

Thanks everyone as well ☺⚘🤗

Nigh nite darlin/s 😴

[Hanna3]

Hi Deebi,

Just bookmarking your thread,I finally found you! It sounds like you have been a bit in the wars lately with your health, bursitis is nasty - but well done you on the weight loss!!!

It's turning cold and rainy here after some lovely mild Autumn days, the sunshine has been lovely and the Autumn colours in the trees are spectacular.... at least it stayed fine for the ANZAC day ceremony here, a friend of mine's daughter was in one of the marching bands and was very excited about it, she is only very young.

Best wishes from me and little Sam!

[Croix]

Dear DB~

I popped in to see how you are going. Looks like a bit of a mixed bag. I was sorry to read you had some much pain but not yet completely diagnosed. It must be a very limiting thing, and I'd expect you can't do a lot of what you want.

Sill some victories, the weight for instance. Maybe that will ease some of the pressure on your legs, plus only playing free on line would be a pretty good sign, I understand (tell me if I"m wrong) you used to spend too much.

I hope your mhw does work out OK, it can make such a difference

With passwords I know someone who said they'd had the same password for 10 years and everything had been ok, so why change - talk about missing the point:)

I agree it is a pity people cannot meet in real life and seems very frustrating , however if one could this place would not exist. People, myself included, come here because it is anonymous, and the friendships that develop probably would not get the chance face ot face.

They are still genuine friendships, and that can make the whole world look different.

I guess to we are alike in we are both blessed with lovely partners, your Mr 😍 Deebi and my Mrs C (who is not to be called Mrs Walrus!)

Good luck in you next joust with NDIS, if it was not so important it could be classed as a comedy.

Croix -ARGH 🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚 (your penguins are breeding😣

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely people 👩‍❤️‍👩🐕🐧🐾🐺
Thank you for your time and support it really is such a comfort ☺

I havent been posting much lately but will. Same catching up on threads.
Been pretty busy lately in a good way which is refreshing opposed to stressful busy lately. Achievement getting things done just so hard in poor mh times.

Yes Mr Croixy man this online I did lose a few yrs ago which shook me and stopped which was pretty huge being compulsive.
I've learnt a lot since then and my rankings a lot better.
The other, Was many yrs of serious grief Theres some positive changes with that.

It'd be much easier one password I too know of someone same no probs.
Nah not for me tho. I'll be so relieved when I finish them. About 3/4's.

Hey Kitty kitty 😆 yip you've gotta watch them fiddling around with your meals it can have drastic consequences just like if Im deprived of choccy 🍫 I turn into the hulk. Just another super power you know how it is.
I'll get back re the you & Croixy convo might need a reminder if ok. I'm noticing more lately how much the memories affected in mh & the stroke would contribute too.
Thanks hun ☺ Good seeing you around. What's your threads name darl

Grandy thanks lovey 🤗 re gently disagreeing with the lady on grieving geesh inside wasn't being so sweet 😆
The outs with sick friend are always good he's a good fella and as this gorgeous Mr 😍 easy going. Thanks hun ☺
Thx too for the reminder its ok to have a break from things.

Hannah thank you too for dropping by hun and your lovely support.
Dr wants to see me I think which Im not surprised. Hoping more than ? Bursitis results we have some reasons for the thighs. Very hard any length of walking. Bit of a concern & if it worsens. I suspect its from my back so we'll see what happens.
Autumn colours are nice and its a good season without as much heat when it settles into the season I find. Grandy its your fave too I think.

I'm ok mentally atm, well handling the rubbish rot.
Not in mh atm probs not far off.

Tired & have a cold but not feeling too bad atm. Luckily I dont get them often.

Croixy pretty impressive your emoji work there it gave me a big 😁 See girls there's hope yet 😉

Thanks again lovely ones 🤗 take care ⚘
Deepest love our dear Grandz 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗🗯💫🦄✨

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB,

😸Glad you are getting the good things done, things you enjoy.

& I am hopeful your Dr can help with the thigs/back, anything, really. I keep hoping something for us will turn up & be what we need to be more mobile & less in pain. It's so frustrating, going back & asking about same problems, time & time again. I find that can mess with my mh.

*

My new thread is called 'Poems by mmMekitty *TW*', because I want to put poems up, & they might trigger some people, so it comes with a trigger warning & is in PTSD & Trauma, too.

*

Well, we do indeed try to bring Croix onboard with the emojis. (Hi Croix). They usually are so cheery & brighten up a block of text. I was very impressed with his 🐧🥚🐧🥚🐧🥚series 😹

& then, he sends the 🐧, babies & all, to my home thread. So, with the vacancy left by this eviction, many🦩s, a whole swarm of then, have emigrated to become the new tenants. They dance & skitter on the ice, making lovely formations! It's a wonderful spectacle.

*

Eat well, sleep well, & behave yourself, only when absolutely necessary! 😺You 🦸‍♀️Super DB!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty 😺

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna, Croix, mmMeKitty and everyone...🤗..

That’s okay about posting....We all understand and are so proud of you for sticking to what you’re doing and getting great results from your hard work....you go bbff....you’re amazing what your achieving....

Deebi....If I may..please be super careful on online (free cost) games...I used one particular game to escape reality and it cost me a small fortune....it’s so easy to buy a few extra games...only to loose them quickly...

Congratulations on your weight loss...I knew you could do it...Its something that I really need to do....my problem is I eat out of boredom/anxiety/depression etc....need to find a way of this cycle...I’m working on it...

I really do hope that your Dr. can help you with your hip/s...and help you in anyway he/she can....Having bursitis and arthritis myself in one hip...I know how hard the pain gets at times....Wishing you all the best luck I have for you...that something can be done to help you...

Good news, knowing that you will soon meet your new my support person...

My heart warms, when I hear how happy you are with Mr. Deebi....and you’re loving life with him....I never had that in my life...I am very happy to hear that you do....it’s really precious to have someone that you love....love you back as well...😍...my love 💖 to you both...

So good your mental health is okay atm....positive thinking honey...Let’s hope your mental health stays good for a long time..,wish for you it was forever...but I know how a bi polar episode can sneak up on us...way to quickly..

Pubaok...as well dearest bbff...I also need you in my life...our golden thread can never been broken...here for you always...you’re deep in my 💭..with my love, care and best wishes...💙🦋🧸🤗🕊🌱🌿🌳..

Hugs, love and care to everyone...🦋🤗💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to everyone,

Well done on the weight loss... just thought I should let you know... there is a lot here I'd be more than happy to share with you if you start to miss yours 😁

I hope all of these tests you have been having do result in you getting the care you need sooner rather than later... you have been putting up with a lot for a very long time lass... it can't help your mh or your quality of life...

Have you heard when you will get to meet your new mh worker?.. I'm keeping everything crossed he turns out to be as good as your previous one.

Woofa & I did a little happy dance 💃🐕‍🦺💃hearing how you have been feeling a sense of achievement getting some stuff done... yay you!!!

Big hugs & a nose bop from his Woofiness

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and all the beautiful people here..🤗..

Just popping in to wish you all the very best wishes and luck I have in my soul and heart for you today...

I looked into my crystal ball 🔮 this morning and saw in the near future ...You, my bbff, with Mr.Deebi, Paws, Croix, mmMeKitty, Hanna, Magic, myself and some more lovely people all sitting around a huge Oak Tree...which had the most gorgeous different colours Autumn leaves over hanging above us...as we were all eating some yummy scones, jam & cream....and drinking our favourite beverages...mine being tea....We were all giggling and having a wonderful time....birds 🦜are singing and playing above us in the 🌳 Oak Tree, a few butterflies 🦋 flittering around, the occasional Autumn leaf 🍁 falling softly onto our heads...getting caught in some people’s hair...as the soft breeze blows through the leaves with its awesome whistling music....and the occasional rays of the sunshine peeping through the leaves and warming our souls....We all looked like we were having a beautiful and fun time....

Sitting with you...in the waiting room and holding you hand, while you’re going through any tests you’re having today...I’m never far away from you honey....my thoughts, love and care are with you 24/7..💭💙🦋🤗...🦄👼...

Love, care and hugs everyone..💜🦋🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌳..

[demonblaster]

Hi dear people 👩‍❤️‍👩🐾🐧🐕🐺🐒

Again thank you all. Your support means so much. I intend to reply near future. Soon start catching up/posting on your threads. I'm so close to finishing the passwords hardest parts done boomer!

Then work on ironically a more important jobby. The p.words caused high stress esp in poor mh. The other researchwhich means going through a stack of Paperwork but will be a godsend to achieve. I've put considerable time in. Close but need more effort,

STOKED I'm having a full hip replacement within a yr. The time frame didnt phase me. Had this wicked pain about 12 yrs. Since moving multiple times daily

Gotta lose at least 15 kg's but will do 23 for now. Then I let the lovely surgeon who bulk billed yay know. He's going to get me in before the yr. Rapt 😀

Grandy I really loved our friend time under the tree you worded it so well I was there. Thank you for your loving caring compassionate posts 🤗 Been giving your 🎁 more thought it's getting closer pwomish sss 😚 It's a special one I like it

Wow didn't even know I was in mh until one morning I pretty much couldn't stop crying. Couldnt pin point why. I didnt have the wee hr wakings was so tired over about 2/3 wks rising early with aching legs re thighs back or 🤕 headache. OMG yesterday out I didnt have any otc's it came on in seconds as they do. Was severe at times felt my head was going to explode. Moving it in circles eased it. Similar to you Grandz was nauseous often. I have them more than not these days. For yrs a constant. Grandy I wonder if you'd get some relief with anti inflammatory's/otc's. Careful not to have too many I'm not great today but eased somewhat.

Croixy yes using mania to learn how to cope. I'm improving channeling it to what I need to achieve. Godsend.

Pawsy 😄 might pass on sharing the weight but thanks 😅 Hey we'll get there. I'm about choofing lifelong demons & that's a biggy. Grandy mentioned I too amongst other reasons like greed boredom eat with poor mh as comfort food. It's the ultimate in pleasure

2 Drs now have said for diabetes (sugar too) & weight loss it's the carbs we need to work on moreso. Heavier ones, bread rice pasta are slow release energy so if not burnt off off turn into fat. I try not to have bread at night we move more in the day. Reducing 🍫 ouchy

Going to push walking. Thighs ? from the back eek scary. S.times ok. Always hip ouch

Deepest soul/💜👩‍❤️‍👩 cya lovelies 🤗☺ ty⚘