Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Croix]

Dear DB

I'm very glad your man is recovering, I wasn't sure what was happening.

Only a NZ'er would think of planting a tropical tree on an iceberg.

Actually between concerts, orgies and leaving piles of empty beer cans with kiwis staggering around in an inebriated daze you sure give my iceberg a hard time. Sill the refrigerator I bought for my igloo with the proceeds of selling your amp is working well.

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....

I wanted to write you a post today and have started in notes, but today hasn’t been a good day for me..I am so tired, sleepy tired caused by a 🤕 ...My eyes are achy as well, and just popped in to say that I will come visit you tomorrow afternoon/evening....

I am going to bed now...early for me but a bit of self care is needed right now to try to stop what I’m certain is the start of the dreaded migraine.....

Wishing my precious bbff, a goodnight with sweet dreams of fairies, angels with their healing and calming powers...

Eternal love and friendship dearest Deebi...💚🦋🧸👼🦄👼👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....Hi Croix..giving you a wave 🌊 oops not that type of wave...ahh here it is 👋....

Very good to hear that Mr.Deebi has recovered well...let’s pray that he gets no more stones...

Awe honey of course you would have been very stressed not knowing what was happening to our beautiful Mr. Deebi...and while in BP would have made it that so much harder for you.....I am so impressed in how your managing your BP and mh.....We know how hard it is to manage mh...your doing a top job of it....which I think deserves a big sticky chocolate mud cake, with fresh strawberries on top 😁...

Every little thing we start and then finish, no matter how long it takes..does give us a little uplifting feeling of joy and satisfaction with each part we do....When I finish something that I start...I hear a big 🥁 roll, with loud happy music 🎵 🎶.....

How is your foot, back and neck feeling lately?....I like the tiny 🌴 on Croix’s Iceberg...it adds colour...If it’s a coconut tree, we will have some warm coconuts to stand on when we practice our music 😁🎻🎷🎺🎸...

Hope your days are good lovely bbff...and your enjoying some walk in the sunshine....We have had rain for nearly a week, and freezing strong winds for a couple of day....The town I work in has some flooding in the outer areas...

Big hugs with eternal love and care, my bbff..🧸🤗💚👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹🦄👼..Please look after each other and yourselves the best you can...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

RUOK?....

Just popping a bunch of Jonquils, Daisies, Marigold and roses, with a tin of delicious chocolates....and a crystal bowl..that I’ve caught some clouds, stars, love and care into..each star ⭐️ is a hug dearest bbff...

Love, hugs and a very special warm hug precious friend...💚🤗, full of my care..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hello my bbf 👩‍❤️‍👩f dear Croixy🐧 and readers ☺

Thank you both so very much for your caring and very supportive posts.

I'm good thanks Grandy love can't believe how quick time moves.

Sorry I haven't been back I have some MH notes and very much want to reply to you lovely ones which I will soon.

Loved the flowers choccy and how gorgeous the stars with a hug in each.

Cracked up at the wave to Croixy so funny Grandz.

I think it's so much and over so long getting through the so often mh episodes that when I finalky have "normal" time it's a treat tho everything stops. Motivation isnt there.

Though have been doing some good long walking and shorter ones to. We're going well.

Poor other besty has to leave her place. Geez it sux.

Grandy and Croixy Pawsy I really hope youse are all ok as much as can be.

So much deep lasting love Grandy darling bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 always 🗯🤗🌈🌞🔥✊💗👀🤝

Bbl dear people thanks so much ☺

[demonblaster]

Dear Croixy 🐧 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & all hiyaz ☺

I hope Mrs nsc has settled. Sad she's ? been so hurt Grandy love.

Darl there's Yellow Red and White coloured cords to connect from TV to recorder. The colours are easier to see which goes to what port. We're waiting on a friend to hook the other TV to our game consoles as well if I can find it hymm 🤔

Been playing more poker I'm enjoying it but was ok not for a few wks. Yip agree doesnt seem much harm eh.,

Achilles seems better finally & bursitis just a bit thx askin lovey. Hips eased a lot. Anti inflams helping with 🤕 seem to for hip too. Asked him if it could be like your muscle he said could be.

😆 loven that vision of our band practice under the Palm 🌴
Haha Croixys drummed up some good business from our Amps 😆
Good man I think you're doing very well holding the kg's. Certainly taste is a massive pleasure. Very hard isnt it.

Grandz I'm doing well in mania controlling it & managing the barrage of thoughts if I can remember what helps for the downs. Getting there thx hun ☺ Bloody hard tho eh.

Dear Mr Deebi 😍 the precious love he's doing very well. What a sweety he's so easy to be with. We're very happy 💗 Deep love.

Oh that mudcake was very nice thanking you my gorjy.

Geez I'm more than ever so aware of how mh affects me. The memory and comprehending phooey bad news.
I guess so many angles my minds at me it's no wonder. Starting to get stronger overall. God it's mighty!

Grandy Croixy Pawsy thank you 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩🐧🐾 you're so appreciated really 💗

Eternal deep love and bbff-ness 😅 Grandy hope you feel ok honey. Big day precious soul 😚🤗💗

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to Mr Deebi,

Just galloped over on Woofa... umm don't look at those muddy paw prints up the walls & over the ceiling... braking isn't his strong point... look over here!!!... a yummy calorie free chocolate cake with Kahlua cream filling & Kahlua choc icing... & a big pot of whatever cuppa takes your fancy to have with the cake...

So good to hear some of the ouches have eased a bit & that the two of you are managing to still have your walks... it sounds like you are getting better at choofing beasty off despite everything going on too... love how you keep picking yourself up & trying again & again...

Sending you huggily hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hi beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, lovely Paws..

Just popping in to say booooo and hope you are doing okay..I remember so well that you used to self talk very sternly to beasty to Choof off....

Please keep telling on telling [IT]xx that it cannot have you at all.....We are all definitely and absolutely so much stronger then old beasty that tries to down us....Keep telling yourself that dearest bbff...I mean beasty is residing in our bodies not paying rent and trying to destroy us...[IT] x doesn’t belong their...

I’m doing okay bbff...I have you as my best ever bbff...Love you as well beautiful friend..💚🧸🤗🌹🦄🕊👼..We will get their...I know we all will..just got to trust in ourselves..

My love hugs and care to everyone reading..💜🤗🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[demonblaster]

Hi 🐾 /👩‍❤️‍👩 & all ☺

😄 loven the Woofa gallop scenario Pawsy. Thanks for dropping in and Grandy darlin youse are so lovely & appreciated.

😂 uh oh... 🤔 heard you can get brake pads incorporated in the reins these days hun at the cheapy shops which at least gives you a tad of control over the mighty vroom dawg 🤤 DB says a moment before passing out at the state of her walls and roof.

Yes thx hun our bodies are settling. My hips eased a great deal tho at times still v.painful. We're into our last 2% ohh SO close Yay it was really upset. Anti inflams helping with head but a cracker 🤕 today. Only for 3 days then liver/kidneys need a blow. Only taking when I need. Head mostly. Great had a couple wks mostly clear till today 🤐

I've been keeping updated at yours lovey bbs hoping ☺ oh loved the Kahlua cake thank yee mam.

Hey Mrs 👩‍❤️‍👩 I hope today wasn't too taxing tho I suspect it probs was lovely one 🤗

Thx sweet I've been ok till about 4ish days ago. Was a horrid depression most of the day and a little before that struth. Pulled in and out but no matter what I'm learning it took me by surprise. I knew it'd be MH. ? the extra walking bought it on. Not daily yet. The bigs are 1.8 km in 24-28 mins. Good pace. Youse would love it, not beach but large water area with a track gorgeous trees including paperbark. Bit furthers a boat ramp with a beaut ton of water too bbq's Pelicans. Going to include that into our walks later. Might go there for a change at times. There's a few nice houses areas too for changes. Beautiful this end too. Love living here but may not be able for much longer.

I hope I might get away without too much down. V.tired of course. Been having some sleepers. Overall its v.mild but ick not feeling much mania. That's ok I can play with that way down the track to bring on more if need.

NOT! going to buy packets of smokes anymore and boyo is it testing me. It's ok cause the craves pass. Had a couple when a friend came recently but didn't urge for more. May not have been quite in BP then I'd say.

So happy with this beautiful dear love 😍 & this place but not trusting how long we'll have here after the yr. Here's sought after moreso with covid prices going nuts including rentals. It's a beautiful relaxed place

Another Carbuncle same as last area. Cruel. Pains tolerable. Stronger meds hoping to sort them.

Love to youse lovely friends. Thank you ☺

4evs💜👩‍❤️‍👩🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,

It warms my heart every time you say how happy you are with your beautiful dear love....knowing you have someone that loves and cares for you as you do him, makes me know that you are not alone....🤗🤗hugs to both of you..

I think that a sudden down into a deeper depression is your ptsd triggering you in some way...has something happened to you on one of your walks that could have set it off...poor darling it’s so hard isn’t it...to manage our mental health...I think you are doing a great job with pulling out so quickly...you have come a long way since I first met you...I really am so proud of you...

I wish so much that I could physically hand you a Christmas gift... but alas I cannot..so my imagination is going to be on something special from my soul to yours....I need to put on my thinking 🎩.....

Oh talking about pelicans...I remember once you walked so far at your other place that you sort of got confused where you were and you saw a pelican their....I do like the beach, but a river with trees around it and a dock sounds absolutely amazing..My kind of spot....Have you and your love ever had a picnic their..it sounds like a beautiful peaceful spot that you could sit, watch the pelicans and have some lunch...Who knows, maybe if your lucky you might spit a Walrus on an escaped ice berg 😂😂..on a hot day you could chisel away some ice to put into a cold drink...😂😂....I pwomish not to tell anyone...

Be careful Deebi...the lower the highs the less deeper we go....Get plenty of sleep and revitalise yourself as much as you can....Sleep I always believe is for our souls to take a rest and to help our body recharge itself...

Thank you for your caring post at mine..your words helped me a lot....You are one incredibly beautiful bbff...I feel honoured that we have met and formed a beautiful spiritual bond...Love you so much.💚🦋🌹💭🧸🕊..

Take it slow and easy and give yourself lots of self care...

Love and hugs bbff and everyone...💜🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..xx