Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, lovely Paws and everyone...🤗..

Its good to hear that Mr. beautiful is feeling much better...

Good luck with your 2nd Covid vaccination...I’ve been a big scared to have one..but have agreed and will have in 3 weeks time...

What you been up to honey?..,and Mr Deebi of course...it’s been so cold here..even to sit outside...

Just been thinking about your foot..has it eased off at all..I do hope so...

I haven’t done much over the past few days..just trying to keep warm..I remember that I think it was last winter I had trouble paying my electric bill..so been kind of holding off using both the air conditioner and bar heater....I hope your keeping warm and having some fun times with Mr Deebi....going on walks and maybe a cuppa at the cafe...

Love to you my very precious bbff...same your my first thought when I wake up..and at night before bed I really do say goodnight to you.,as I head for bed...Please stay safe and warm Deebi.,and look after your beautiful self..,

My love, to you both..with big bear hugs..💜🧸🤗.l

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone...

I hope you are feeling both mentally and physically okay, My bbff....no pressure asking out of concern and love for you...

Such a wet and rainy day here....um I suppose it has to be raining to be wet...😂😂..

I woke up this morning with my front lawn covered in white..no...not snow...although I wish it was...My lawn was covered with what seemed like hundreds of white cockatoos...💚, so beautiful....I threw some bird seed out over my front lawn before I went to bed last night...What a great idea..I think I’ll do it again tonight...although shh 🙊can’t tell my neighbour 😂😂..our secret...

Do you have birds living around your new place?...that you can hear singing in the morning to both of you?...I do hope so, because it’s the best type of alarm to wake up to....

Don’t forget Deebi....if you need our protector 🐉, Deendy..all you need to do is pin 🐉 onto your jumper....Better still...I think I will start making 🗜⚙️🕯⚒⛓ another Deendy Just a little bigger n better so you can wear it every day and night...24/7 protection....with just a little added surprise for you...

Please Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, take good care of you..yadimh, pubaok...💭 24/7....Much love sss..💚🌹🦋🦄🧸🤗.

My love, hugs and care to everyone..💜🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[demonblaster]

Hi everyone ☺

Thanks lovely Pawsy 🐾 dear Mr Deebi's 😍 waving back the gorgeous.

Appreciate you askin hun. Two main bod probs the dam hip only the slightest bend it's horrific straightening up again.
I'll suss again my side wow at times it's so bloody ouch like its ripping.

Sleeping in bed its when the backs out the recliners a god send.

Thanks Paws I'm/we're happy in the new place, very happy and deeply in love with this dear man.
Just can't put my finger on it, there's something big missing.
It's partly financial but thats not new.
Possibly not having yum bigger manias but the bonus is tho its still hard and takes work the lows aren't as deeply tragic.

Mania had me up a lot last night thinking. I like that and had another insight that might be how to unlock our real happies.

In mania you're SO happy productive ideas thought, everythings easy. You remember to deep breath think on more positives & so much more. Epic

What if at least part of the euphoria is down to our minds opening up which is what happens.

Mindfulness becomes automatic. You're in the moment.
The energy gives the drive for everything esp wanting and feeling true happiness. You wanna get up.
It encourages positive thought
giving motivation to do things & stuff that usually doesn't get done.

It's unleashed energy. Is it there anyway? Can we learn to bring it on. I think so.

We know depression closes in on us including our minds blocking positive calm happy thought.
If our minds are open * we have room for alternate thought

With mindfulness (being aware of our thoughts/actions) with us directing what we choose to think about maybe that can bring on this totally amazing taste of pure real happiness.

*How to open our minds.

Meditation
Fantasy
Brain activity games or ?
Exercise
Being in sunlight
Movement
Constant positive thought
Goals
Pushing through not wanting
Creating
The mind boggles.

I've learnt so much here.
I'm not talking only about being happy and content. This is another level. Every good person deserves at least one dose in their lifetime.
We're intelligent and capable.
Beliefs mammoth towards achieving goals.

Yip so that's my latest lovelies.

Grandy beautiful I love our Deendy you're so gorgeous.
Yes I think of you so often anyway esp hearing the chorus of birdies early and dusk.

Girls thank you ☺
Love thoughts and care to you both 🤗

Grandy 🤝🕊💗🗯 the ultimate in friendship 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🎇

🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone.....🤗..

How are you doing dearest bbff?...

Im suspecting you’ve come down from mania, and wanted to see how you are doing...

You have some great ideas on opening our minds...I have tried a few and yes they do work..for me..when I’m really deep, I use fantasy to help lift me up...Love the fantasy you’ve sent me over time here...I can’t seem to get into it right now, I miss the scenarios I could put me in....they were calming and peaceful....

Are you okay bbff...truth please beautiful bbff...I am concerned that your not...Hows your feet, hip, back, shoulders and neck ?....you haven’t really been talking on here..no pressure though..been thinking so much about you..

Kya and Ebony send you big furry cuddles, and face washes..😁..they are good at doing that😂😂.

Im sending you my biggest love and hugest care ever..💚💚🧸🤗🦋🌹🦄👼..with lots of bear hugs..🧸🤗 x 100000000000.....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Sorry I haven’t been here for a few days..The whole of my village is having internet trouble...I contacted my supplier many times..so had Betty and I believe others in town...it’s so frustrating and hard...

I hope you are doing okay...

Thank you for your beautiful post on mine..I will hopefully be able to post a reply soon....I am noting everything and posting then loosing the post each time..

Please precious bbff....please be alright and not leave me here...No pressure but...missing our talks so much....again no pressure at all...only when you feel up to it...

Big love and heaps of care dearest friend..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼

[demonblaster]

Beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi readers ☺

Dear dear sweet friend I'll NEVER as you too promised me when we first became firm lifer bbffs leave you dear lady. You're one of two top besties ever honey. Gold lime that's a rare precious possession.

i'm hoping to be back today to reply. And no from you I know there's never pressure sweetyheart.

Been flat out intermittently lately. Tell u in next post.

Love you so deeply. Always in my 💭.

U too be always ok. Can't bear the thought of us not being the booming team we are amazing love.

Paws thank you too lovey 🤗

Always 💜 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🌈🕊✨

[Ggrand]

💚🦄👼🌹💫

[demonblaster]

Beautiful I'll bbt honey.

Just having some down time watching the box.

Had a nanny nap first time in a while it was great. Still tired but not as bad. Can't stand the close to or exhaustion everytime. It's such a hard slog even in type 2.

Love our unbreakable 💫 of bbff- ship 😆. You're in my heart and soul Grandy. You really do mean so much to me. Thank you for being such a beautiful friend.

It rips not being able to be rl something bloody terrible! 😢

You're doing it hard atm more than usual. God I wish I could be there for you well always here but not the same is it. i don't understand. a lit., and why! It really bites!

Love you eternally and so deeply Grandy 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊✨🦋 pubAok I need you lady. Couldn't hack it without you. You too are such a light 🌞

🌈 little cute rainbow for my gorgeous dear besty friend ☺🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Thats okay bestest bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....In your own time honey...was just feeling a little scared and concerned about you...

I am pleased to hear from you..I hope I didn’t make you feel obligated to answer my post..

Big love and giant huggly huggle hugs..🦄👼🤗🦄👼🤗..

Always In my thoughts and heart...💭💚.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy love and Pawsy 🐾 hi anyone reading 👋

You don't ever pressure me sweet friend I'm incredibly grateful for our beautiful close friendship and your concern 🤗

It's been so full on lately with workman visitors/visiting, packing with Mr Deebi 🤗 the gorji us unpacking here usual life stuff wow it'll be a while before I get back to normal and here more often. That I will too.

We were sitting at other top bbff like you chillin chattin lol-ing 😅 the other day and I thought how you'd feel so comfortable with Mr her and I. She has lovely friends that occasionally pop in.

Now of course a blank 🙃 that I will remember to tell you what she said about you it was SO nice. Many know of how amazing bb is and of my bbff Grandy. I can't speak highly enough of either.

Theres times I'm doing the hard yards in BP and so want to talk here but still so very hard to do.

I will tho when I get back sometime talk about it. I'm doing some Salvo volunteering a couple times a wk atm because Mr Deebis besty (my good friend too) is convalescing from cancer op. He's going very well. Unsure atm of the prognosis (end result).

Ok goin to nanny nap still very tired from BP. Had a big cry today big talk to Mr he listened and as beautiful as ever. Love him deeply what a precious sweet man.

Like you huns except a lady you too Pawsy you're beautiful 🤗🤗 one hug each so no squabbles...isnt that a neat word.

Thanks girls and readers for listening and caring enough to ☺

Deep love sweets 👩‍❤️‍👩💜✨💭💫🌈🌞🦋.

Love and care to you too our Pawsy. Hun have you ever considered being a CC Commuunity Champion I think you're made to be one. Your supportive wise well written caring posts are a credit to anyone reading.

Care 🤗🌞💗