Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi..and everyone..

The first thing I’m going to ask you to do is to please look after yourself...If you are tired..then sleep all you need to..If your feeling sad..please talk to your beautiful Mr.Deebi..or talk on here lovely friend....I am so sorry that this is happening to him...I really am...you’ve had a couple of people you love..leave this life..and my heart really is breaking for you...

It is cruel honey... and I feel very sorry for him and his partner as well...it’s just so unfair..has she got family around her, to help her through this hard time?...

I wish I knew what to say, to ease your pain honey...Know that I love you and am always here if you need to vent or talk....Please don’t hold anger, sadness or whatever your feeling inside you...Let it out...we are all here for you dear Deebi...

One day..lovely Deebi....if theirs a will theirs a way...keep the hope alive that one day..wyip....🌈..Please you be okay always...you have been deeply in my 💭 today...I’m concerned about you...Love you always..💜🧸🤗🌹..

Sending my kind thoughts, care and hugs to everyone listening here..💜🦋🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

You're a dear love Mrs Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 thank you so much for your care and concern.

You said the other day how you decided to look after me. That you've done a sterling job of I thank you so very much sweetyheart. I've always felt your wings around me. Very comforting my dear friend ☺

Yes I am sleeping a lot we both do I love it. Had car stuff of Mr 😍 we got up super early and went back bed later then I just woke from a sleep in the chair too.

Thanks Grandy I am sad for him it hit quite hard the other day. Poor guy and poor besty. Sad isnt it.

So much comfort you being close by you have no idea beautiful lady.

So sweet Mr Deebi wouldn't move cause we were holding hands when I was asleep he's so sweet 💓

I'm so glad your day was easier yesterday huns. You too deep in my thoughts and heart gorgeous.

I'll see you tomoz honey at yours just a bit headachy atm.

Love you heaps Grandy that'll only deepen.

Please look after your beautiful heart sweetylady. Not only love but need you dear friend.

Nigh nite huns and everyone 🤗☺😚💜👀👂🤝👩‍❤️‍👩👫

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Whatcha up to?....

I tell you what I’m doing?...Nah....oh okay then..

I am sitting on my front veranda now...I just got back from driving Betty into town for a few things..(her car is broken)..

Its another perfect winter’s day..you know how you can sit in the sun for hours, feel the warmth being soaked up by your skin but not feel overly hot...

The clouds are a few...over the mountains, white fluffy with a tinge of grey, they are slowly floating across the vivid blue sky, My 2 furs are having a sun bath near my gate, under a crepe myrtle tree which has no leaves atm...In the distance I can hear a bike that’s having fun somewhere in the paddock as a couple of dogs are talking to each other in the next street..

Im listening to the songs of the birds singing beautifully as they are flying around, and getting some yummy little worms to eat...Ruby is joining in with her song...and a few birds are landing on the bird bath having a refreshing bath, the hopping to the bird feeder and enjoying some tid bits I put in their..

The old gum tree’s leaves are gently moving with the soft breeze that’s blowing, and my wind chimes are making a delicate tingling sound as well...I am enjoying a glass of V8 hot and Spicy vegetable juice with some ice cubes added...

I picture you sitting next to as you discover the beauty of this great universe we live in...listening to mother nature’s wonderful orchestra...We are chatting and laughing, as we cross the road to feed the cows, they come to us and eat the fresh grass we have for them....and do you know what....not a sign of Beasty to be heard....

Thats what I’m doing today precious friend..I am pleased that you joined me....

Love to you dearest friend...💜🧸🤗🌹..pubaok....

Here for you always...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[monkey_magic]

Aw, Grandy,

You're loving kindness also took me to a better place...just reading that made me smile...

[demonblaster]

Hiya gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

What a beautiful feel good visit. It really is so lovely seeing you. I'm so glad we're so close 🤗 Gee I felt every bit of that it really was great honeyheart.

Wow even Mr 😍 Deebi slept later and me a bit longer. Can't seem to get enough but then when we're out and about I don't miss it.

We've walked a bit just shopoing etc but at times a bit of walking.

My back complains through the back of thighs hope it's not the syrinx but eventually it settles so hoping not.

It's caught 3 times today! Ouch but not severe like before. Dam it!

Just had a new stove top put in it's lovely. Pretty flash it's similar to induction but not.
Phooey heats up near instantly.

I did some littles of housework which was good. Swept carpet too, scared to vacuum again yet with back being naughty and Mr beautiful can't cause of his back too. All good. It'll happen when it does.

Mr beautiful went down the Rd and got some bits yums mainly oopsy 🙄🍫

We're watching charmed love it even though untold repeats we record a lot of things.
We're happy watching TV.

Sweetyheart tomoz I'm doing a baked lunch. Pork shoulder crunchy par boiled roast spuds peas (yuk baby ones not too bad) and I'm right into the easyness of the frozen veg you zap. Oh and the darling man loves brusell sprouts urghh sometimes I have 1 little one. I'm hoping you lovelies would like to join us and stay o/night as long as you like darl.
The furs need to play with eachother and see their Aunty Grandz 😚

Awesome veranda time it's so nice isn't it. That was a breath of fresh air your post huns thank you 😊🤗

I had cool breeze on my face in bed again Grandz. Immediately thought of you. So refreshing. There's something about it makes you feel alive and vital doesn't it.

It was as is usually sunny here but seems to have dulled slightly just lately but still light. I don't like dull or being in a dark room it's gloomy makes me feel depressed. Quite a few people like it that way.

Ok my sweety.
Oh I started in notes a BP update. Not finished yet.

Hope your day continues as well as it sounds so good and beasty free is the best isn't it.

Always love you dear Grandy Floss precious friend. PubAok yadimh lysvm sss bbff.
sometimes I don't understand huns. but always awyip Beautiful,

🗯 never stop so often daily sweety love. Take good care darl & everyone. You're lovely people 🤗☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🍫👫😍🤝💗

[Ggrand]

Hey Beautiful Deebi🤗..and all..

Im pleased you enjoyed my day with me yesterday..it’s nice to imagine my friend/s sitting with me...

Sorry about your back, Most other parts of our body can heal...the neck / back area is so hard and delicate for the specialists to mend..I hope so much that they can work out a way to stop your horrible pain.,☺️..

Thank you...I would love to come for lunch today..I’ll bring some strawberries and whipped cream and chocolate dip...if that’s okay....Brussel sprouts are yummy..keep them whole and fry softly with crushed garlic and oil..I love them raw, boiled, fried, baked..anyway...little cabbages..I will bring my furs with me..they will have fun with their cousins..

Todays another nice day outside..unfortunately I have a headache 🤕 and find sitting in the sun doesn’t help it much...Not migraine just an annoying dull boom boom 🥁....I haven’t had 🍫 for a while..maybe withdrawal..😂

Betty’s son didn’t come to fix her car...I will have the pleasure of driving her to town when she needs to go..Yesterday late morning I took her in..,We bought kfc special $5.00 meal and found a quiet spot in the park and enjoyed ourselves eating lunch...

I like that you went shopping even walking around the shop when shopping is good exercise...

I have my bedroom window open just enough to feel the cool air on my face..It helps to feel something nice on our face to take away the constant chattering of Beasty..strange how [IT]..makes an appearance at night..😂..

I hope today was good for you honey and you had some happy times..

Love you Auntie Deebi..💜🧸🤗...many times Daily I think of what you’re up to..🌹..pubaok....🤝👀.

Kind thoughts with caring hugs everyone..🌹🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦋🕊🌱.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

I agree with you lass... brussel sprouts = urghh. 😂 You are very sweet cooking them for Mr Deebi.

Roast pork is very yummo.... I roasted some pork belly rashers last night for tea & had them with home made satay sauce. Woofa was not impressed that I didn't share.

Really hoping your mri will give the drs some idea of what they can do to help all your hurts. It's good to hear you were able to walk around the shops without too much ouch. But it's not good you're finding your back catching so much.

Hugs to you both

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi, Lovely Paws 🐾 and all....🤗

Deebi...Just wanting to ask you...RUOK...

and to wish you a really restful pain free sleep ...

”As your day turns into night,

keep your worries out of sight,

Close your eyes and go to sleep,

For all the good times are yours to keep”....

Good night my bbff..Deep love always..💜🧸🤗.

[demonblaster]

Hey dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pawsy 🐾 and readers 😊

You're such a lovely friend Grandy 💜 and what a beautiful poem. I'll tuck that away with our other stuff. I have to go back and save a heap more too.

Yes apart from my dam back clicking and catching I'm good thanks darlin.
Absolutely adore this dear gentle sweet quiet man he's such a love 😍
Good we don't every day sleep but a fair bit which is lovely.
Shopped today. Oops havent cooked the roast yet. Will tomoz.

Thank you for your care and love I've always felt your warmth in your wings precious friend 🤗

Oh joy another carbuncle or boil under my arm 🙁 so sick of the swines.
I'm trying to squeeze it away omg 😲 that hurts. We'll see if I can choof it that way. Blow them..had enough already.

I stood down from sport a while back. Was a bit sad but that's all finished a while back has for a couple or more yrs now. Few bits to tie up no hurry really. Miss it but my physical healths holding me back.

OH did a wee bit of the card I was doing. Happy with some changes Did it yesterday. Love your short term goals.

So nice having the sunny days I too love the sun minus that blaghh heat. Geez it really is getting a lot lighter isn't it blagh the heat to come.

You're such a good friend Grandy. So kind you always look after Betty ya sweetyheart me too and everyone you care about and love.
Kfc yummo. $5.00 boomer. Love that stuff. How lovely being in the park huns.

Thanks so much for being such a beautiful friend. Love you deeply and always gorgeous lady ☺🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫

Oh soz lovey has your 🤕 settled. Poor love I hope so they're such a drag. Sounded pretty rough.
They say catch them with otc meds a common one early is best. Poor girl they wear you out don't they. PubAok honey. You mean so much to many 🤗 me especially. yAdimh pubAok honeyheart 🕊❄🗯🤝👀

Pawsy 🐾 thank you as well always lovely seeing you too.
Yes the back seems to do it's best when getting up the mutt.
It thank heavens isn't as severe as before but certainly gives a quick 😨😲 ouch.
I am glad through the day it settles.

Oh yum pork bellies sooo good. Haven't cooked it but a friend did oh was beautiful.

Yip hopeful this MRI will be fixable. I know of 5 discs that are troubled. More in neck and thoracic. Apparently whole lot has arthritis but more than that. Agony beyond for yrs.

Hope you're good lovey. You to take care hun ☺🤗👋

Thanks everyone ☺⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are you dearest bbff..

Another carbuncle, that’s not good Deebi..you’re very brave squeezing them, that would hurt big time...Please be careful that you don’t infect it more then it is...

Until your physical health picks up some..maybe on occasions you might like to go and say hello to your sport buddies and cheer them on..I think it would make your sport buddies so excited and happy to see their Auntie Deebi...and I’m sure seeing their happy faces..you will so happy as well..

So happy you adore your sweet gentle partner Mr.Deebi...that warms my heart...You were meant to meet and join your hands and hearts in friendship and love..You know that Mr.Deebi isn’t the only one who loves you...I do as well over the universe and back..💜🧸🤗..beautiful bbff..yadimh and 💭...

What a day today has been....Dark clouds, whistling and freezing winds, rain...Perfect weather for us to go for a swim and walk on the beach.😂💨🌪🌨🌊..rugged up of course...😁.

Fingers crossed with the mri scan...I hope they find a way that they can fix it for you so no more pain...

I took Betty to the shops today... 🥶..So she could pay her bills, get some shopping etc..,She suggested as it lunchtime now..we should go to the club for their lunch specials...Not wanting to let her down I sad okay..We got a quiet table and we both orders chicken chow mien..it was yummy...I’m pleased I went...

Have you done anything you like to do..today or yesterday..I would love to hear how you’re getting on beautiful bbff...

Paws, I’ve heard of Pork belly..does it have lots of crackling on it..,mmmmm my favourite part..When I cook a roast pork..silly me I sample the crackling then before I realise it...oops it’s all gone and I’m not hungry anymore😂..

I hope you are both feeling well...and keeping warm and safe...Love to you both..

My love, care and hugs everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🌛