Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...Hi Peppy and all..

RUOK?....honey 💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊🌱..

Love you dearest bbff...

I hope you sleep good tonight and have only the sweetest dreams....Good night precious friend...😴😴....I will just sit with you tonight and hold 🤝 tightly....if that’s okay....🕊🌱🌈..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍💼🐆🐅🐩🐕🌛...💜

[demonblaster]

Hiya Peppy ☘Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all good people 👋

Thank you both for your lovely posts. I'll do a quicky for now & bbl to chat more. So grateful for giggles and support.
SOoo tired going back bed soon.
😄 that'll teach ya bbff ..no chocolates for now anyway. 😆 was cracking up. I'll just add.. 😜in your dreams baby 😂 If I can't eat them I'll inhale so hold onnnnn tight. Thanks btw bbff for holding on tight I feel very safe and secure in our friendship 🤗

Both teeth need out. While I dont have anymore infections I'm ok. The Xray showed where the previous one had been assuming it's affected some of the jaw going by what he said they do.

Yip numb bottom lip on one side and he confirmed half facial paralysis I think on the worst side.

Thought back was coming good which it is but last night in bed it Slammed a beauty. So glad its just the once. Got up ok. Still going slow getting up in anticipation of pain but slowly getting confidence back.
Starting to be better with weight loss.

Kind of socialising dear Peppy I was gambling 😮 again but did have a good few laughs with people. It's a rare time I prefer just a few words of support for eachother and the odd comments.
Was also twice judged by a lady who with the second comment I just looked at her, pretty sure that worked and made her realise. If they're not being hurt people should mind their own business there's plenty of other comments can be made 😡sigh...some bloody people!

Did more heavy hits gambling. Chat later.

BP has been hard work at times but not much. Have been able to handle.
Extremely tired cause of not recovered from BP and 🎃bed often lately.
My love Grandy likes them too but he has good control. Hope I can learn from him. If we win which we both have at times we give eachother some doosh.

Peppy our sweet 🤗 loven the 🍫 banter ... hope my musics not too loud 🎵 return to sender 🎵 🤑
Yes you certainly are my top student tho my bbff is pretty impressive you might have more competition but bbff or not I can be bribed when we're talkin choccy.
Thanks for your beautiful friendship Peppy girl 🤗

Love to you both 🤗 I hope todays better for everyone.

Grandy Floss 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 unconditionally too. You're such a great bbff. Thank you always for your beautiful you and support.
C u l8r (later) at yours have read. Love you long time (4 evs) beautiful. Pubok always. 🤗😚😊

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗..

Sheesh...I was so looking forward to chocolate..I’ll have to contact tooth fairy and tell her to give you extra $..for all the x-rays and pain you’ve had.....Me I suppose I’ll just have to wait for chocolates...

Honey..is the numb lip and half facial paralysis something that the teeth has caused....I’m so sorry you have those..🥺..

People can get very judgmental at times...without knowing the journeys, we’ve walked just to reach where we are now...Its really sad..that some people can’t show kindness to others...Good on you giving her the look 👀...👍..

Awe..sweetyheart..I hope your back heals very soon..maybe last night..moved the wrong way..it’s hard when we sleep to know which way we move or even if we did turn around...Maybe..I know might be uncomfortable but an elastic back support while your asleep might help some...

Very proud of you handling your bp...Is Mr. Beautiful helping you, caring for you when your in bp?...

tch tch tch..hands on hips....early to bed, early to rise, makes us healthy, mental health wise...😁..

I washed my furs today...in a bubble bath...😂..I got more wet then they did...I put them both in together..(first time together)...and they splashed most of the bubbly water all over the floor and me..I was sitting on the bath mat...washing and playing with them, as my bath in half in the floor...I got half way up..then went slip, sliding around and then ended up ouch back on the floor..., and then 2 little wet dogs started jumping all over me..thinking I was playing with them...😂..Wow it was hard getting up..💪..😁.

I hope you’ve had some good restful sleeps today..and feeling better..it takes a lot of amount of sleeps to recover from bp....Sleep as much as you need to honey...sleeping heals us....

Love you Deebi....pubaok....hoping one day awyip...yadimh special friend..🌜🐻💜🤗🌛..🕊🌱..

Love and hugs everyone...💜🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍💼🐅🐆🐩🐕🌛..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..🤗..

RUOK?....pubaok...always...

Are you struggling with your mh or your daily living...

Love you and am here for you...as the others are..

yadimh...sss..💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗🕊🌱.

Grandy..🌜💜🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hi there my gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies 🤗

You're an amazing friend Grandy thank you for always being here for me. I believe trust and deeply love you.
Same goes for the awesome friends that stand by me even when I'm not at theirs lately. That will change I'll try and start even 1 person here and there. I havent stopped caring/loving people but not right on my part either.

I think BP has just finished today. Was a pretty dark mood yesterday and hairy I think day before but fortunately having gorgeous Mr D is a good distraction although with my late beautiful love he was a distraction but SO many wicked hard times. ? AD's & progress. Hope progress but no hurry yet to drop AD's still have a lot of work to do.

Grandy Mr beautiful no O don't think understands. He's beautiful and an absolute pleasure to be around and it's hard for people if they haven't had deep depression which cool he hasn't apart from grieving. I can't imagine a life without depression breaking and attempting to but hopes needed to one day be free from the tendrils eh hun and awyip would be the ultimate. I really hope Grandz lifes to damned short 😢

Thought my blasted back was coming good which it is in patches but still doing that movement thing it's horrid but apart from yesterday a stronger pain the rests just livable prob is unpredictable. Yes promise I'll get it seen to probs have to travel but can't hack this anymore not the extreme.

Love your post thank you gorgeous 😂 oh dear no choccy for you yet.

Been gambling still did another whopper but sone ups as well. Not as excited these days probs too tired still. Lot of time doing that.

If its not another Carbuncle under my arm and another suss looking red mark it's similar and in a spot that hurts like billyo at times. Have to get it seen to a nurse said an MRI can see why. Surprising. Too many. If this is it'll be 5 in 4 mths and a couple I pushed at and disappeared. Hurt tho.

No lovey the numb lip facial paralysis is a strong pos if/when I have to get them taken out. Sheez not good prognosis but wait and see how it unfolds.

Ahh you poor love falling geesh and so hard getting up. The times they pick to think its play time the cuties 😆hey are you ok?

Agree sweet it could have been how I slept and hit exhaustion twice this cycle so who knows what positions we lay.. Got a bit more confidence but wow hip giving curry.

Love you heaps my love. PubAok ydimh 4 evs too sweetyheart.

Nigh nite all thank you 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I was thinking today is Valentines Day.. 🌹..and your first Valentine’s Day with your Mr. Beautiful...I hope today that you both done something really lovely and memorable together...

Im pleased and hoping that yesterday was your last day in bp...yes hard work honey..but so worth it..it’s a part of us..that we must learn to accept and hopefully learn to like/love...after all it is who we are...I often think better me having it...then someone else who wouldn’t be able to handle it as well....

Honey..have you tried those heated stick on back patches...they really do help..about $12.00 at chemists..Hubby said they helped him...he often said that it felt like he had broken bones moving around in his back...I use them at times when my back get sore from Vinnies....They stay on for 8-10 hours...I’m sorry about the pain your back causes you...

Oh no..not another carbuncle...maybe a food intolerance is causing them..have you started eating something different, or changed your washing powder, deodorant, bath soap, or anything the past couple of months..just thinking out load beautiful bbff....I hope the scan shows why you’re getting them...Aweful I know poor Deebi..🤗..

Thank you for promising me you’ll get your back looked at when you can...that’s very important that you do...

Yes I’m okay Deebi... If I did hurt me, my soaking wet dogs, gave me no chance to feel it...😁..They are crazy, super active when their wet...running so fast around the house, jumping on each other, sliding on venal tiles and doing tumbles..

I want to wish you both a happy Valentine’s Day...and a good restful, painless sleep tonight...good night my precious friend...love you as much as the amount of stars in our beautiful universe...💜🕊🌱🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹🐻👀🤝..

Kind thoughts, sent with my live & hugs, everyone.🤗💜💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Darling bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

Oh sweetyheart I'm so sorry I thought I'd read this gorgeous post thank you so much I am sorry darlin 🤗
Thank you it was a fair way into valentines day when we realised it was 😃 ahh Grandz he's precious. Strong love for eachother the darlingheart 😍

You poor love I bet you're sore from the fall. Hope not but it pays heavily on our bods eh huns. PubAok love and care so much for you 🤗🤝

I saw Doc yesterday it is another carbuncle and another there too 😐 I'm on 2 more doses of antibiotics. Nuisance. I googled and confirmed with lovely DR its usually a Staphlococus ? sp hoping Its not a mrsa strand cause after meds they keep coming.

Grandz I have my back underway. Thanks hun you are right. I'll keep the heat patches in mind. Nifty.

It is incredibly hard work BP isnt it. I had a lot of ptsd memories drives ya nuts I acknowledged and let them slide. Pfft .

Ok my beauty I've been naughty a lot of the time lately. Surviving. Silly girl.

Love you as much as there are 🌟 thats beautiful hun. Really do love you deeply and so appreciate you. Thank you for a beautiful friendship. Need you Grandz you make such a difference 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🤵🐆🐎😍☀️

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

Things continue to sound as though they are going really well with Mr Deebi. You clearly cherish his presence, & absolutely adore him. You have something beautiful together 🙂

I’m sorry about your ongoing health issues though. Another carbuncle sounds very painful, not to mention your other physical ailments. It must be challenging trying to manage all all those conditions.

It sounds as though you’re doing your best to manage your flashbacks. It seems as though they’re leaving you be, or at least for now, after you acknowledged & let them slide...you have been very brave.

I’m dropping off a truckload of choccy bars today. Free delivery today, seeing as I’m feeling generous. Better grab them before I change my mind though 😉

Supersoul hugs & love from your top student,

Peppystar xoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

I'm sure the lovely Peppy won't mind if I say

"ditto what Peppy said"

Not the choccy bit though, cause I seem to have run out..... hmmm maybe I need to check where Peppy got her load from

I'll send you & Mr DB a truckload of hugs instead 🤗🤗🤗🤗

Rest up lass

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Peppy, Paws and everyone..🤗.

Thats Okay bbff....Please bbff Theirs noneed to apologise for anything at all.. Although I was getting a so scared you were leaving me slowly...I’m so happy to hear from you on your home..😁..

I so hope so much that it’s not the mrsa strand...Has to be something that’s causing them..I get boils a lot when I eat cream...I am naughty sometimes and have cream cake because I love them....maybe ask your Dr. to do an allergy test..just to find out and eliminate that possibility..🤗..

Thank you for considering the heat patches..

Well done with managing your ptsd...it’s hard isn’t it?..it puts us down without even knowing why..Your my heroine Deebi, for being able to that enough to help you up....I wish I had half of your strength in managing my ptsd....Starting dv councilling in April..Hopefully that will help me to manage mine better..

Its okay to be naughty sometimes Deebi..as long as it doesn’t hurt you health wise or mh wise...Do you feel like talking about your naughtiness.?..Always here for you precious friend..I wish I was there with you..how much better we could help each other...

Umm..can I have some choccy bars..pleeease...I’ve been a good girl, If you want to have a nice sleep Paws and I can help you pack them away..😂..we won’t take any..I pwomish..

Love you sweet friend now and forever...please be okay always...yadimh always....Thank you for being the beautiful friend you are...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🤗🐻🕊🌱🌹..

sending my love and hugs to everyone...💜🤗🤗..takes 2 to hug..and I love them..cyber hugs are beautiful hugs sent and received by our spirit ..and heart....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌹🌈☁️🌶.