Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.....🐻🤗.

How are you feeling lovely bbff?...carbuncle, back, foot?..

RUOK?...

I needed to call in to wish you a beautiful deep refreshing sleep..with calming dreams..of the clouds high in the sky..with you laying on them as they gently drift across the sky while your laying on them, watching the golden and silver stars above you as your drifting along slowly and peacefully...As you go past the moon..the face that looks down at us nightly..winks at you and gives you a big caring wink, sending moonbeams and moonlight into your soul to give you so much peace..that when you wake tomorrow you feel so full of light that you have a beautiful fun day, with no concerns at all....No darkness hanging over...just pure golden peace....

Good night beautiful bbff...Love you so very much...yadimh...pubaok....sss....A beautiful rose 🌹 for my beautiful bbff...

Kind thoughts with my love and hugs....💜💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🕊🌱🌛...

[demonblaster]

Hey there dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peppy ☘ Paws 🐾 and all good people 🤗

Thank you lovely friends for standing by me like you do esp that I havent been around for you lately

Peppystar 🤗 yes very happy with dear Mr Deebi he's an absolute treasure 😍

Yip it all seems to hit at once. Turned out its 2 carbuncles daghh and poor Mr darling has one now too.
My back I thought was getting better no pain 3 days until today 6 times 🤤😲 Btw Grandy 🤗 I'm on the list same medical team as my neck so maybe near future with luck. Going to put off neck app till a bit later

Thanks Peps they bombard the flashbacks. Annoying.

Ohh slurp loven the truckload of 🍫 thank you so much yes definately my top student 😂 YUMMMM yip I'll share with my lovelies here 😁

Love to you Peppy take good care huns 🤗

Paws hiya lovely seeing you too & I havent got to yours either yet.
Hun thanks for our truckload of hugs back atcha darl 🤗 hope you're feeling brighter these days lovely

Beautiful Grandy I'm really sorry you thought I was slowly leaving you.. come here darlin 🤗 never ever ever will I leave you. Love you way too much to do that precious friend.
Sweety I'm going to bed soon still sleeping a LOT, Mr beautiful Deebi too I wonder cause my bodies fighting infections dunno.
So if ok I'll bbt to reply to your beautiful posts always so happy talking and having time with you beautiful lady.
Love you so much and cherish you as an amazing besty. Best of my darling friend. PubAok need you always will 👩‍❤️‍👩🤝👀💜🤗🗯constant 😊

[monkey_magic]

Just popping round the steal a couple from the truckload of choccies.

I might grab some hugs from that truckload as well.

Really good to hear of your relationship going strong. Well deserved.

Body not behaving is such a pain I feel ya...

I haven't played a poker machine all year ( nearly 2 mnths)...played a lot last year.

Hope you have a peaceful, and deep sleep.

Night night,

🐒 Monkey.

[demonblaster]

Hey beautifuls 👋. 👩‍❤️‍👩 🐒 & all good people 👋

Thanks for dropping by Monks good seeing you.
Yes gamblings been a problem again although I havent been able to go (broke). We've often been there till closing is why sometimes I pass posting.
I'll sort it. Theres not the urge or excitement which is good but.... good on you being off em.

😂 enjoy the 🍫 & 🤗. Go easy huns I read at yours a bit back. I'll get back to my lovelies here sometime.

Beautiful Grandy love what a gorgeous post going through the clouds the moon winking just loved it. You're very good at those ya know precious friend 🤗😚

Backs given some pain again today damn it. Was coming better and could walk normally too.

Possibly my Archilles might be easing off gee I hope so its stopped me walking. We'll see.

Having 2 pkts for Carbuncles of antibiotics. It's the main one is backing down phew didnt have it lanced as well.
Thanks for asking beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 you're such a caring loving friend. Adore you Grandy Floss.

Still sleeping a lot sometimes something to do.
Absolutely love Mr Deebi we spend pretty much every second together he's seriously precious 😍

Yes it was about the gambling. I always want to talk to you precious friend 🤗🗯 all the time huns. Me too I wish so much wiwip 😢

So cream brings on boils ya poor love. Dont blame you sneaking some 😀

I so appreciate you, you'd have no idea how secure and loved you make me feel. You're an amazing besty Grandz love you SO much. Thank you for always being here for me. I really hope todays been better for you hun esp being outside watchi g nature that you love.

All very best in April sweety, thats not far off. Thanks lovey saying about ptsd yes it helped not dwelling. SO many thoughts you dismiss one then another 😑 but we'll get there honeyheart esp as a strong unit 🤝.

Love you heaps beautiful 👀👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🎁🙍‍♂️😍 oh btw yes what a great idea you and Paws unpacking the 🍫 😁😲🤤yeah roight 😂

Thanks everyone so much 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...waves Magic..and all...🤗..

I do hope your foot is starting to heal for you...but sorry your back is still being naughty...Just thinking...the chairs at the club..the poker machine stools are hard and uncomfortable with no back support ..do you think maybe that is causing a bit more hurt for your back?...I remember when I went with my brother when I was at his...and had a try at them.....How hard and uncomfortable the stools were...

Thats okay if you sleep a lot..you must need it..I do the same...

Im so very happy that you and Mr. Beautiful are their for each other with your love...and your happy....💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗..

Honeyheart...I’m concerned that staying out so late, will eventually down you..please..bbff...be careful...enjoy yourself darling but please be mindful of your physical health as well as your mental health....

I’m sorry Deebi..I didn’t mean to pressure you for a reply...I feel bad now...I couldn’t get it out of my head that you might leave here/me..and I was getting so scared because I don’t know where you are..and life without you here would be so very hard..🥺..I understand that now that you have a love in your life..that time here is more limited then before for you...I should be more patient and I’ll try hard to be...Please forgive me for being impatient...Thank you for reassuring me...that means so much to me..💜..Love you sss...4 eva.

I hope you have a beautiful day tomorrow Deebi...and everyone...

Kind thoughts with my love and hugs everyone.💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🕊🌱🌛...Good night dear friends..

[demonblaster]

Hey there beautiful 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

Darlin please don't feelbad honestly you didnt at all pressure me actually a good solid friendship is imo based on truth and you said how you feel that I'm glad you did honeyheart. I adore you hun that'll never change it just deepens daily. We're ok honey no probs at all promise (pwoomish) 🤗

Thanks hun geesh I hope the archilles is backing off it's been a long haul and stopped me from walking over a yr I'd guess easily.

Yip the backs another story, today minimal pain phew it still plays with your head. I get up very slowly and carefully waiting for the pain. No joy. I thought it was a scammer ringing over and over but may have been the hospital. I'll eventually find out but no msg left is a good sign a scammer. Mutts.

These chairs at the club here are quite good thanks for thinking that. A good thought hun. At another place they're horrid ok for slim people.

You're sweet Grands being concerned thats another reason for heaps of sleep too being up late a fair bit which is now so Imight choof soon my lovely one 😚

Oh darl he's such a darling and so easy to be with 😍. Our loves very strong the sweetyheart.

Just got a touch of a 🤕 starting so I wont even play candy crush loven it still.

Always love talking and being with you even if not rl at least virtual we still deeply love and appreciate eachother.

Please beautiful ubAok yAdimh lysvm sss
Nigh nite honeyheart. Always 🗯 always deep growing love 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🦄🤗🍫😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.and the other beautiful people.🤗.

Hoping your headache 🤕 has gone now or at least eased off for you..and your foot keeps disappearing....oops I meant the foot soreness.😂..

I wish your back pain, will choof off honey..I know there damage been done from nursing, but I’m always hoping that it can be fixed for you..soon..🤗..it’s just so unfair that you were helping others when this happened...I admire nurses greatly..they do an amazing job caring for people..and you still do here with your kind and caring heart...

Im pleased the chairs are comfy enough for you...the clubs management should realise that some people sit on them for long periods of time..so they should accommodate for them...

I hope your days are blissfully beautiful bbff..which hopefully should help strengthen you...to better manage yourIf I had one wish..well two wishes..you know the first one.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..my second one would be to wish you 100% physical and mental health...🤗.

Good sleep hygiene..is so very important darling..(look who’s talking).😁...I/us really need to start bedding earlier and getting up earlier...Not sure but maybe more motivated waking up earlier...

What you both been up to honey...are you s going out or staying at home...I meant to ask before but it’s okay if you don’t feel to answer..does Mr beautiful have a beach view?..

Thank you for understanding my fear..about here and you..and your kindness in saying it was okay to voice my fears to you....It was hard saying, but harder trying to stop the thoughts...I’m more relaxed and calm now...silly mind I’ve got...

Okay sweetyheart , I’ll go now..Please enjoy your evening and I’m hoping that you both will have a restful, refreshing and calming sleep tonight...

Sending you big deep love and some spirit warming hugs.🤗🤗 my bbff...pubaok..yadimh..lysvm..

Kind thoughts, love and hugs everyone..💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🕊🌱🌛..🌹🐥🍓🐻🥚🍩🚜🏍..

ps..I think we should take our 🚜🏍 out for a run..to get the cobwebs off them...are you in for a ride soon?..

[Croix]

So which of you races the tractor and which rides the bike?
-C

[demonblaster]

BP day 2 ish.

Hey there Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Croixy and other lovelies 😊

Thank you both for your time and visiting 🤗

😆 uh oh ... I'll be hopping off then 😆 yes hun had enough of it. Still there unfortunately but thought maybe easing pfftt but at least the back is again it was only slight this morning. It'll take a while to get confidence back getting out of bed.
You're a dear soul Grandz with your two wishes 🤗💜
Yip nursing you wouldnt believe how many angles you'd twist and turn lifting heavy and light people. Suffered severely for years. At least I can walk these days well it's affected but not like before.

You're kind saying about me caring for others. I do have guilt but nothing like I use to but havent been around for others for a while here. I will be. Just changes in routine including wow devastating wrecking my life. As mentioned the average person would be breaking down by now. Fascinates me that I can handle this rot (gambling) which is the pits but the depression phooey another thing completely. It's on my mind & in survival mode again. Have actually had some big drops but still have a lot to learn by leaving machines and going home on top.

Control I had it one day after winning big bucks. Sigh. It's pulling Mr beautiful into it too which I dont want to although I pay back I don't think it's fair or a good influence on him the gem. He likes them too but usually good with his $.

You are right about good sleep hygiene. I don't really get it I'm not down but sleeping heaps still.

Tho yesterday was awful it was similar to Ptsd except memories of family past and present wow I was so nostalgic and hurting. It was constant. Unsure if I was in mania the other day blowwing it ALL stupid part I had a big win was nearly outta poo creek dagh.

Ok today a tad cranky only littles and yesterday got a LOT of housework done nearly broke my arm trying to dust ..thats when I got the jackhammer 😄 nearly bent it 😂

Yes my lovely let's go for a vroom...🏁 start your engines oops wrong colour to start.
Croixy man ☺ I ride the bike. Grandies my chief apprentice she's improved and upgraded a few vehicles.
She first got me in the cafe and took her 🚜 for a burn there but no takers. Cracked me up. She's a card.

Love you heaps Grandz 😚 Please don't change except to feel better. You fill my life with so much security and love 🤗

You're lovely people here. Thank you 🤗☺
Night loves 😊

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi, Mr Croix...

I have the tractor 🚜...that no one is willing enough to race me around the BB Cafe...or let me take them on a tour of the cafe...Lovely Deebi..The 🏍...I started her on the 🛴, then upgraded her to the 🛵..now she drives 🏍...

Awe Deebi...day 2ish...please be kind to yourself and remember that Beasty is again starting to be whispering in you ear...Don’t listen to [IT]xx...listen to Mr. Beautiful, me your r/l friends and bb friends...we know you a lot better the Beasty does..because he has to tell you lies as you know...we live and care for you and speak the truth....

I can hear it in your words that your disappointment a little with you and gambling..It’s okay sweetyheart...You’ll gain control again..I know you will..until then and after I’m always here for you with a listening ear and loving care...

Im wondering if you could make limits boundaries on your gambling..um maybe take x amount of cash..leave your card at home..and set an hour to play at a time...I am sorry if I’m saying wrong advise...Not wanting it to bring you.. my lovely bbff or your Mr. Beautiful down...

Oh please be careful when your cleaning.. 🧹 especially in mania..it’s so easy to think we are invincible..and do more then we are able to do safely....I hope your feeling more calmer and no more cranky...maybe a hug 🤗 will make you feel better precious friend..it does to me..

Are you okay with the nostalgia, I often go and visit their when I see reminders...it can be a nice place to be...If memories are nice...I hope they were for you..

Was 💭 dearest bbff...are the bbq still on..on a Tuesday..?..I remember all the hello hugs and the giggles you passed on to some of your friends there....

I hope your day was as good as it could be for you..

Please don’t you ever change..your heart is beautiful..and I love you heapsly...💜..🌜🐻🤗🌛...squishy bear hug especially for you..

Kind thought with my love and hugs for all the beautiful people reading here..🌈💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜🕊🌱🌛..one day dearest friend...