Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[monkey_magic]

Hey DB & all,

Feeling a bit like you today.Tired and a bit down. Been hurting and cramping all day...still haven't been to the docs. Thinking I might have a bladder infection as well as something else. Just needed to tell someone. Will def go docs tomorrow.

MMx

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....

I hope it’s okay to pop in and say good night to you bbff...

I have this feeling your struggling with your tiredness and mh....Holding on tight to you honey...as you are to me..I need you as well in my life...How are you feeling ..RUOK?..

Love you dearest bbff....unconditional in goods and bads...

Please you be okays always..Get as much sleep as you can dearest friend.. 💭 of you and wiwawyip..😢.

Good night...sweet friend..

Love and hugs...💜..🐻🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦢🌱🕊.

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

I have pulled my mother hen hat out lass & it is firmly on my head.....

Are you getting all the zzz's you need...you have been in the wars of late... so remember... your bod will heal quicker if you rest.

OK...now in my stern voice....are you eating????.....healthy stuff???(cause you should).....yummy stuff???.(cause it's really yummy)......food cooked by others??? (cause it always tastes better).... or some/all of the above??? ....as per previous reason... your bod will heal quicker if you do.

Right... hat off....

Sending you huggly hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Monks 🐒 Grandy bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and lovely people ☺

Thank you loves for dropping in for a chat and supporting.

Monks hope the Dr appt went well and great your backs picking up. Oh love the emojis thanks I'll put them in my emoji box. Go easy huns 💗

Grandy love sorry not here for long and yes there have been some struggles but also beautiful Mr Deebi too. He's so lovely. A lot of times with him and sleeping my god that damn exhaustions so hard but although extremely tired still and day/night sleeping Ive slightly turned the corner.

Worst was in hospital in quiet times. In the deeps it hurts a lot thinking about love or anything really. I guess my minds been flicking a great deal to my love because of this lovely but he'd really like him I know. Not guilt just deeps dragging me but considering how good mania was and longer apart from exhaustion overall I'm getting through. God its hard though sighhhhh.

Paws thanks for indomnitable I looked it up. Hope you're going better all of you for that matter I care very deeply Peps you and gorgeous tweety included.

Grandz darling please give it every ounce you have to pull up. You're sounding so defeated. Live you very deeply beautiful please be ok.

Sorry and thanks so much loves I'm so so tired.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗😚⚘🐒🐻🤗🤝👀🐶☘🐾🗯🐣

[Ggrand]

Good night Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

🦢.....🌱🕊....💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐻🤗..

.(👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👭🐆🐅🐩🐕)...Love you Deebi💖🦋.Sweet dreams beautiful friend..talk tomorrow...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.and all🤗..

Im sorry honey that you and Mr Deebi are struggling a lot..Please hold on to each other then I’ll hold on to both of you...anyone that loves/likes/cares for you..I also love and am grateful that you’re together caring for each other..

I know deep in my heart that your love would want you to be happy..and wants someone to care for you as well..He was a good kindhearted man and brought you two together...You’re an amazing person and deserves happiness...

It is hard honey...so very hard...you have want and strength and I know that you will do what you need to do to get past your exhaustion and back into normals....If it’s sleep you need then sweetheart sleep as much as you need to....

Maybe a slow gentle walk together along your peaceful beach, feeling the warming sun on your skin and looking at all the amazing things the beach washes up....

You also beautiful friend give it your all to pull up out of what your going through...Your very important to me honey and you keep me going with a reason..as do the others here...

I love the colour Gold..because we have a golden friendship 👭..

G..golden heart, soul and our friendship..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

O..open..my heart and armscare always open to you bbff.

L..love..Friendships deep love grows deeper soul spirit sister..

D..Deebi...The strongest most beautiful hearted lady that I’m honoured to call my friend....

Please be okay..always bbff...

Youre in my 💭 so much each day...with kindness love and care..

In this together and together we can..

Big 🐻🤗..beautiful friend..How is your mh and physical health going....

Kind thoughts..love and hugs everyone🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦢🌱🕊👭💖..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I’m saddened to hear you and Mr Deebi are both struggling. But I take comfort in how you have each other...it sounds as though you really like this lovely man.

Not that I’ve been in a similar situation before; I’ve loved but have never been “in love.” Nevertheless, in a way, I think it’s understandable that this new relationship has meant your mind drifted back to your late Love.

I think you late Love will always have a special place in your heart, and that’s okay...I think you have space for multiple loves in your heart...

As in, maybe you can think of it is honouring the past and honouring the present too... if there’s one thing I know about you is that you have an expansive heart, which makes me believe that you can love your late love and maybe one day grow to feel the same way about your new man...

Remember, expansive heart, DB...you have an expansive heart...

Supersoul hugs and much love from my expansive (but also now highly discerning) heart to your expansive heart 😉

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all🤗..

Good night Deebi.I hope your doing okay beautiful friend..and you’re getting plenty of sleep and resting your back as well as your ouchies from carbuncles. are they healing okay honey?

I hope you sleep deeply and restfully tonight and tomorrow you wake with some bright energy..shining into your beautiful soul....love and care deeply for you 💜..bbff..

Same goes fo you as well gentle lovely Peppy..I hope you sleep well and have a light shining into you.......💖..Love and care dear friend..

Kind thoughts...love and hugs everyone..💖🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌱🕊🦢🦋👭..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful 🦢 Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I so much hope you are feeling okay..and getting plenty of sleep...

I just wanted to wish you a good sleep and hope tomorrow you wake up refreshed with some happies...

Love you bbff..your in my 💭...and heart....👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜..

Big warm 🐻🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜🐉 🔥🌛..🕊🌱.

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely friends 👩‍❤️‍👩☘

Thanks so much for your continuing beautiful support and friendship girls ☺🤗 so very appreciated.

I've found BP digs up and enhances any pain. I realise ptsd does that and BP enhances pain. I think probs going into a relationship anyway would have sparked a few thoughts which I'm ok with he's a real treasure adore him. We get on so well and talk a lot laugh and spend very easy time.
Told family today wanted to tell my gorgeous mil first. He's coming to her big birthday Sunday and 3 other besties.

Grandz Peps and you other beauts Paws Monks Tweety Croixy Quirky you can all come too if you like ☺

Been having big nights late sleeps but a lot through the days so slowly pulling out of exhaustion including us keeping erratic hrs for now.

I havent been much here I know. It's full on atm we stay at eachothers place. I guide him. He's such a beautiful bloke so incredibly happy and wrapped in him. We both feel love already 😍

When we get into a routine I'll be back properly just a whirlwind atm and a lot more social.

Peppy awesome post thanks hun yes hes very understanding of my love and ok about me talking of him. He knows I'm totally wrapped in him.

Paws lovely loved your stern hat btw lol Grandy will be relieved someone else is wearing it 🤗😁

Oh my darling beautiful Grandy you ok sweetyheart. Thank you so much for being my besty beautiful you dont miss a beat.

Love you so very much dear friend. ,hold onto hope honey wiwip 😐 so much. Maybe one day lovely.
Hope you're feeling brighter all of you 🤗 love to you all and always 🗯

You mean the world Grandy always 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱😍🏋️‍♀️🤢🥚🎃🌳🗯🐆🐩🐕🐅☘🐾

PubAok yAdimh lysvm awyis and 🗯 😚🍉