Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all 🤗..

Thank you honey for letting us all know that you postponed your appointment....I’m so pleased that you are being kind to you today...and looking after you the best way possible...

Its okay about my sleeping in the bus 🚌...I had fun...I was playing trampolines and jumping from seat to seat...just be careful you don’t sit on the 4th seat on the drivers side...I kind of sprung the spring..😁..I pushed it back down then super glued it...😂..don’t know how long until it strings up again...Imagine the person that sits in it...😂..they will go flying up into the air...I hope they are a short person..or wears a helmet...😂..

So relieved that you get a lift home...

I hope your poor headache 🤕 choofs off for you soon honey, they are not nice to have...sometimes a piece of chocolate helps to ease mine...any excuse for a chocolate 😂...

Awe...hopefully you’ll get past that stage soon...I play a bubble game as well...only up to stage 87..I don’t play it that much..I do like it, but I do colour by numbers a lot...It’s nice to hear that it relaxes you....

Tomorrow with mhw..I hope your time with him goes well...

Take good care of you, my dearest bbff...love and care a lot for you...🌜💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💖🌛...

Have you used our cloud soft cloth beautiful to cool your head off.....I read somewhere years ago that if you place a couple of pieces of raw potato on your forehead...it cools it down...and eases the headache ...not sure how much truth in it...maybe one day I’ll put it to the test and see if it works...or if I only get a sticky forehead...😂..

I hope you sleep well tonight honey..and tomorrow your headache 🤕 has gone...

Kind thoughts...Love and hugs 💖🤗 everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦋🌈🌹...🍩

[demonblaster]

Hiya beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 😊

Haha you had some fun in the bus so glad 😆 oh and thanks I'll keep an eye out for the 4th seat. I set up 10 pin bowling for you down the aisle hope you got a few strikes and spares.

Thanks sweety yes got rid of the headache nice to mainly be using otc meds now. They do pull us down dont they.

Had my mhw today and dressings in about hr and half.
Was telling him about wanting to walk a d what I'm doing. He's so good.

Geez I've been on occasion massaging the area down my calf and boyo isnt the foot complaining. Eventually I'll follow through more with that.

I need more shots its near impossible but I still enjoy playing it. I'm in the 2 thousand and ? level.
Good glad you do your painting by numbers and seem to enjoy it.

No I havent used the cool cloud soft for a while but have tried at times. Interesting about the potatoe or 😄 sticky forehead.

Thank you for your beautiful post 🤗

I always watch over at yours gorgeous to see how you're going. I really hope you're feeling brighter lovely.

So much love and care dearest Grandy love and always heaps of 🗯

Take good care beautiful friend 💜👩‍❤️‍👩✨🌜🐕🐶🐆🐩👩‍❤️‍👩🌛🗝😚

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I did get a few strikes Deebi..I used to play 10 pin bowling when younger..Haha haven’t played for decades..I pictured 10 beasties 👿 standing their staring at me and then I rolled the ball down the isle and they all went down...😂..

Im pleased you headache has gone away honey.yes it’s surprising how much they can pull us down...

Its so good that your mhn is very good and understanding towards you..that really does warm my soul knowing he is so kind and caring...

Please be very careful about massaging your calf if it’s causing your foot to complain...maybe could be a nerve there that branches out into your foot...honey only very gently do that area..maybe you can ask your Dr.. Not sure if today or tomorrow you have a drs appointment..

Wow honeyheart your very good at bubble game..over 2,000 levels..way to go...It’s okay being stuck on one stage..as long as you still enjoy doing that level and it’s not making you frustrated...The painting by numbers has a “special “ colouring it’s like glittery and the paints are shaded and patterned when I use that section....it’s so pretty some of them...

Im feeling better today...thank you Deebi..I sat out back today... on my back step..I have an outdoor setting on the veranda..but prefer the back step 😂.where I can look at the peppercorn tree in one of my back neighbour’s yard... I have half of each back neighbours yards meeting the middle of mine..The ones that were supposed to move in..hasn’t as yet..

Did you out today dearest bbff...I hope your okay and caring for you the best you can...Your very important to me honey..and to so many other beautiful people here and r/l...

please be okay...always...wiwawyip ...yadimh...sss...lysvm..Big love and care for you honey.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌜🌹🦋🌈🌛..thinking about you through out my days..gives me peace...🕊..

Kind thoughts...Love and hugs everyone..💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🌜🐩🐕🐆🐅👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛....

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

☺ It's fun isn't it. I'm glad you knocked a few beasties around. Put them back in their boxes.

A couple of times I woke which I have been lately before the bang bang part starts but pretty average. They go mostly if I lay my head flat for a while.

Thanks hun yip he's very good.
We get on very well.

Was gaenacologist Monday but I put it off till later. I will talk to doc when I go next.

Grandy 😀 I had a walk today with you on the beach, nearly killed me. Thought I'd take an easier way back through a track amongst trees nice but ended up doing 3 hills 😄 one not much and a bit of soft sand walking phooey lol. Wasnt a long walk and I had breaks but was a good work out. Think only all up a bit over 15 mins maybe 20. Struth.

Yip being careful the foots not happy Jan.

Isn't that funny you saying as long as I'm not getting frustrated, mhw asked same. Wow it's been maybe 2 wks now.

Sounds really pretty the paint by numbers glitter and colours hun.
Oh and yesterday I did tinsy art.

So good hearing you're feeling a bit better lovey.
I was wondering the other day how the neighbours are going. So not there yet.
Good you have a Peppercorn tree to see.

Thank you Grandy love that's nice and same for you being so important. You really are Grandy. Love and appreciate you so much and many of the lovelies here. Magic.

Always so lovely seeing you beautiful lady. Bbff 🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌛

🗝💫🐶🐕🐩🐆🚌🐻🤗

PubAok yadimh lysvm wiwawyip so much.
Look after yourself beautiful 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

I know you like to walk honey..I’m proud of you so much doing it and want to thank you for taking me...Poor darling I’m really sorry the way you went back home with was so hard for you and your poor foot...makes me sad knowing the pain your foots giving you...I think if I remember right..my feet were more sorer in the hotter weather...Please Deebi..Take it easy...on you..I’m getting a little concerned about your foot and not being able to walk when you want to might bring you down some...I so much wish there was I way we could change feet..😢...

Sorry Deebi..I thought you had a GP. appointment as well as your specialist..my wrong..

Its nice hearing you done some art yesterday..I know you like to do....I don’t really enjoy doing the paint by numbers that much..but I do like the finished picture and it keeps me busy at times....

I took you with me today..for my walk..it was really nice..Its a flat track with one little hill...I put it in the walking thread before I forget what I had seen.....

Im pleased that your headache went away..I hope doing what your doing continues to stop them from escalating into a migraine....🤗..I dislike headaches so much..My Dr. said otc pain relief if used properly works good...and they are not as harsh on our body....

The Peppercorn tree is out the back neighbours, it’s a beautiful tree and so tall...but I don’t really look at it as much as my gummy out front..I prefer to sit on my front veranda..out back even though my veranda has a roof on it...Mrs Cranky can see me from her home..and I feel vulnerable in case she’s watching me...

I hope you’re okay precious friend...are you okay?..pubaok... yadimh...and my thoughts 💭..If we all could live in a world of thoughts as our communication..instead of talking as communication...Wow it would be amazing....🤗🦋🌹..We would communicate together that much that we would cause a traffic jam..😂...

Love and care for you Deebi..bbff...sss..Bpaly....💖🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦋🌹💭🌜🐻🤗🌛..

Kind thoughts....Love and Hugs everyone...💖🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱....

[demonblaster]

Hey sweety bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 😊

So nice seeing you thanks Grandz 🤗
I was so happy reading about your walk it sounded so good and that you really enjoyed it wow then chips oh yeah baby.
Been thinking all day about how it was going. So pleased 😀

Yip its not at all liking me massaging but not too bad walking thanks hun. Didnt go today the hip gets stirred too but jyst going to ease back in. Was so pleased and it was because you're going that inspired me and I know I need to.

YAY got through that level on bubble game wow was ages stuck on it woo hoo.

That's ok about gp darl no probs at all ☺

I want to get mils card done before later Oct her b.day we're going to a club I have maybe 3 friends going all besties. Just stuck but looking and thinking a lot.
Thats good that it fills some time and the results good with the numbers painting.

Yes the otc if we can catch them in time are good arent they.

I'd probs feel a bit conscious too if someone can see you from their place. I think about your gum it sounds gorgeous. They are lovely.

I'm good thanks Grandz had some more negatives yesterday I think but told them where to go.

Haha we would cause traffic jams. So happy having you in my life. You're the only person I see daily. So so good and such a beautiful growing friendship. Love you a lot sweetyheart Grandy.

Hope your evenings good hun. Oh travel Oz is on about 11am its quite lovely seeing beautiful parts of Oz you might enjoy. I've fluked seeing it a couple of times while on here.

Hope you're feeling uplifted and have such lovely things to think about and fresh new stimulation. Cool 🐻🤗

Thanks for your beautiful wings and company honey ☺

🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌛🗝🗯💫🤝👁🚌😅

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone.🤗.

Wait..Wait..🚜..🚋...I’m running a bit late this morning..I don’t want you to go alone...I’m not far behind the bus 🚜........🚌 ..I’ll catch you up at the next set of lights 🚦..you stop at....Puff...puff...banging on the bus 🚌 door now....Pheww...Thank you bus driver...Looking for you...um..oops wrong bus 🚌..Oh there you are...in the bus ahead of this one....Waving at you...off this bus 🚎 onto your bus 🚌..A big hello 🤗....and sitting down...and drinking some lemon water...here you go honey I bought you some cool lemon water....made it!!..I’m so happy I caught up with you😁..I can’t let my bbff do this alone...

That was nice to hear that I inspired you...Many years ago, before mh....I used to walk for hours....Into the shopping centre 1 hour each way, then lots of window shopping...Then I would walk home with my wheelie shopping bag....I never even thought twice about doing it...I want to be in that mindset again..Walking is the best exercise we can do for us...because it’s natural....

I hope so much things go good for you honey.🤗...and you don’t get too tired on our long trip...It’s nice looking out the window of buses as you go along...bumity bump along the streets....it takes our minds to another place..

Im right there with you beautiful bbff...holding on to your hand..👭...after you see your neurologist, hows about a seniors coffee and some yummy scones with jam and cream at maccas...and of course a double chocolate sundae..before our trip back home..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Please you be okay...always honey...I’m greedy...I need you💖🤗..Thats because I love and care so much for you..My life would be so empty without you in it...

Good on you choosing beasty’s ugliness away from you yesterday...Well done bbff....

kind thoughts...love and hugs for those who want some...I have so much of them to give ...for all you beautiful people here..💖🤗🤗..

L💜Ve you precious friend..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌱🕊...peace and new beginnings....

[demonblaster]

Gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

😄 you are such a treasure. You crack me up. Always smiles and laughs.

Thank you I was very impressed with your major effort to catch the bus. You're so cute 🤗

I was waiting for the driver, there was just me today and thought thats funny I didnt get a text from hosp so when he came I said I was a bit suss and rang them...was cancelled!.. I hadnt been told PHEW would've been really hacked off and would've costed me $. Lucky we hadnt left. He had things to do so was pleased it didnt stuff him around too much. It's either a car or small bus.

The lady I spoke to said give them a serve. I will tell them but won't have a stroppy. So that's Nov 8th now. I figure if there was anything they'd have contacted me. Be easier over ph or skype. I'll ring when I get the letter she sent today. Wasnt her dept she was good.

Oh yeah lets go for coffee and Sundae yummm. Scones sound good too hun. Lets go anyway te he.

I'm greedy too beautiful and need you as well. Can't imagine not having my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 wiwawyip so much 😢 but at least we have here. Still though...

Wow an hr walking is a long way and you did it both ways. Phooey good on you. Geez shopping and trolly too. I do believe you'll get back to that mindset beautiful lady because you want to and you're working towards it.
I enjoy walking looking around hi or chat to peoples nice.
If not today tomoz again. True walkings natural for us. Good thought.
Going to have a nanny nap soon just for a change 🙄 If I'm up in time I might today too.

Oh oh I did a tiny jobby day before yesterday been meaning to do ages. Woo hoo.

Grandy my lovely nurse that comes said she'll probs only need to do a couple more dressings then I'll be right. Shes nice we get on well. Not needing to be packed anymore & 3rd daily dressing. Cool eh its healed well and fast. I said thanks to her and the others good work.

Thanks for another beautiful post darlin absolutely love our time and amazing friendship.
Take good care darlin.

Oh and I'm going to start sanding the chairs soon. A friend said let him know cause he has a sander but think I'll do by hand.

Thanks btw about choofin beasty. Ping..off [IT]x goes.

Love you heaps Grandz 🤗
🗯🚌💫🌜🐩🐶👩💜🌛

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

Thats okay 😂..I had a good workout 🏋️‍♀️ chasing the bus 🚌..Sorry you weren’t told about cancelation..It’s just not right..luckily you didn’t leave...Sometimes it pays us to follow our intuition that something doesn’t seem right, and ring up and check...

Nov 8th..just put in my Deebi Diary that I’m with you that day...💖..Honey my Dr. told me that if anything wrong with my results etc. they will ring..I think all Drs. do the same...

Well done doing your tiny jobby...you did well honey...

Im so happy that you’re healing fairly quickly, and only a couple more dressing changes...She sounded nice and you’re going to her and I know she will miss your smiling face and beautiful conversations you had...

The sander will be much easier for you dear bbff....Sanding is hard work..in the way that we are constantly using our wrist, neck, shoulder muscles etc. and the constant movement might really upset your neck and shoulder muscles....I am scared sweety that sanding might cause some extra strong ouchies for you...Please Deebi...be very careful and mindful about sanding....🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👭..

When you’re ready honey...a nice slow relaxing walk..not a fast paced one..slow walking and looking around and noticing different things, smells etc..is a nice way to do some exercising....I’ll come with you when you go...and you can show me some of the beautiful beaches, crabs, fishies, seaweed, rocks around your area....Maybe we can collect some unusual looking rocks, 🐚 shells, and tiny pieces of driftwood and then we could try to make a small zen garden....

Thank you!..dearest friend for your beautiful and gentle posts to me.......Also love our time and chats........L💜VE and C🦋RE.. for you bbff..🌜🐻🤗🌜🌱🕊🌛..

I am happy you got through that stage...full speed ahead now Deebi.....have fun and relaxation with the game beautiful....

Good night Deebi..I hope you’re sleeping is deep and restful..with dreams of peace..

Kind thoughts....Love and Hugs everyone..💖🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌱🕊🦋🌈..

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin posted last night.

In notes so I'll see how it goes.

hope you're still on the back up 👩‍❤️‍👩💜