Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy and all lovely people ☺

So beautiful and lifting to see you sweetyheart thank you for your kind heart.

Yes it's quite a hole. I knew the pain was more than the usual pain. Can't believe I was 39.5 and didnt know I had a temp lol. That might have been a while back in the first exhaustion from BP why I didnt feel right for a while it may have been brewing the infection then.

Yip thought I'd be with less meds today but after the dressings it gets pretty sore. They're great the nurses but it does hurt.

Thanks for the cake was yummy, proud of your assertiveness darlin being our sweety little tester 😆

I had a feeling special needs may pull out and sure enough they're having a break till the end of the yr 😯 tho it frees up guilt and those days that so often I've been crook. Disappointed though.

Had excellent mhw today.

Arranged nurses to come to me for dressings so glad, too much waiting around for buses and still sore.

How gorgeous we'll be around tonight to stay if ok plz. Need some beautiful love and company, woke just a bit down but starting to catch up on sleep. Thx asking lovey 🤗 how bout you darling?

How neat the nail polish, I love our project. I have a Gold glitter I put on thumbs or toes at times. Pweddy.

Thank you holding on Grandz love you very much. Wiwip PubAok lysvm yadimh awyis.

🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🙃👀💗⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

What Cha up to today precious friend?

Poor Deebi..having a fairly high temperature and not knowing it..I think that if we are shivering with the slightest of breezes we are in temperature...It’s hard to know without a thermometer....

Im sorry honey about the hurt your having daily with the nurses changing your bandages and padding..you would think by now they have a padding with a numbing agent in it...to help the pain a little...

Awe sweety..it’s okay about special needs..hopefully by the time they start back next year your foot, back, neck, shoulders will have eased of a lot for you..I feel you need to be a good girl first and take good care of you by not lifting or moving heavy things.....Hard on our own I know but honey please try hard not to....

Im feeling unusually good today...don’t feel to do much though...I’m just enjoying the peace that has found my thought today😁....I hope you picked up okay yesterday morning and are still picking up....

Its supposed to rain tomorrow..I might go out and dance a rain dance in the rain tomorrow if it does..My dancing might scare the sun away so we have more then a few drops of rain..hopefully I don’t scare the rain away😂...

How are you today Deebi?...both mentally and physically..I really want to know how you’re feeling..I know I can’t do much from here, but I can always send you my deep love and heaps of care to you....and many many 🐻 🤗...

Please be as gentle and tender as you can with you today..each day you can do that will bring you closer to healing you....Love you deeply...💖 and alway wish you are better then okay...

You’re deep in my 💭 dearest friend....

Not sisters by being born in the same family but sisters by choice, and family by choice...The best sister/friend anyone can ask for is you..my bbff..💖.unconditionally here for you....Sending you deep love and care..and very warm heartfelt hugs..💖💜🤗..

Love and hugs everyone..💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼....

ps....sleep all you need to beautiful friend..it helps...the 2nd best medicine their is...Best ever medicine is.....Love and care from your beautiful friends here....

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩and other lovely people out there ☺

Hardly do anything Grandz although sleeping to catch up exhaustion has taken my last few days. When I improve I want to walk and get into the art before long. I do have some new edgings so thats good.

Yes sounds solid about shaking from the cold.

Im good today thanks huns was a bit average yesterday. Nurse did my dressing I got up earlier today and slept hard. Yes healing in it for sure think I'm close to caught up.

Havent needed any pain relief today tho could have. I asked how long the dressings she said its deep I said about a mth she said yip.

I really hope I can be more reliable for them Grandy I reckon they may have stayed longer. Oh well a break for me too I guess.

Yip we chose eachother as sisters and bbff's the best of friendships these come around not very often in a lifetime. Love and appreciate you more than you know sweetyheart. Thank you for your light laughter and amazing support and friendship 💜👩‍❤️‍👩

I'm so glad you're feeling good honey, hope not a mania wouldnt it be lovely if that could be the normal.

I've thought a lot about you thinking people without MI have a form of mania. I think they have traits of, like the energy, doing things some have ideas determination follow through etc.

I will sometime but no hurry to bring on mania I have to master controlling beasty first. Mongrel snuck in last one.

Thank you for unconditional geez Grandz I so wish awyip. Please be careful and fantastic you saying you'll walk tomoz. You're such a champ love you deeply sis/friend 💜👩‍❤️‍👩🕊🐻🤗🍫😁🤝💖💗🎁

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Thats okay about hardly doing anything...The time will come when we can set our goals and we are that motivated that nothing will hold back☺️..I believe in that and hope one day that it becomes true for you, everyone and me...

Hows your dressing change going honey....I hope some ouchies eases off each time it’s changed...

Don’t know Deebi...I mean we are born with about the same brain functions..I think why does mh happen...and why does it mostly pick traumatised people..or does going through a trauma cause mh...Hard to explain..If we never had any trauma in our lives, would we be free of mh...or still be the same...Why do some people handle mh easily and don’t have down days..That’s why in a way I think the “normal” people that don’t have down days only a steady happiness..their minds must be stuck in a very mild form of mania....am I thinking silly...Truth please Deebi...

How was your day today precious friend?....I really do hope that it was a day filled with light for you....you deserve it so much..

It was so windy late this afternoon...you should have seen me trying to tie down chairs that decided they wanted to start flying around😂..and my sheet I have over my succulents was hanging over the fence between mine and other neighbours😂..my hair was down not tied up..I looked like cousin it from the Adams family🤣😂....My veranda looks like a hurricane went through it...

I hope you had better weather then we did here...

Are you okay precious friend?....

Love you stashes 💖🦄👼🐻🤗💜..

Love and hugs everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🌜🐻🤗🌛..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺🖐

I hope we see the day that we can do things without so much procrastination.
I'm pleased yesterday or before I did that tinsy art.
I'll try again today and for a walk if not tomoz yes!

Yes the dressing changes are still daily which will be for several more days then ? 2nd daily.
Not as painful now Grandz there are times I could go pain meds but havent and it settles. Thanks hun asking 🤗

Please never think that thinking things through is silly, far from Grandy it's using your narna thinking about things I like that in people. Yes I suspect trauma brings it on or at least increases mh.
I agree that we're basically born with the same brain functions. Because some functions are clouded over it doesnt mean it's not achievable to use those parts. Maybe we don't try to access parts that dont work easily and go with whats easier.
I've seen proof in this.
Kinda like when we get older and cats too, we still want fun and energy can be unlocked and accessed.

Could be a very mild form of mania but does anyone not have yukko times or cranky. Maybe if they get the exact amount of sleep needed and have control over their emotions. I like nutting stuff out Grandy ☺ did I mention I love you at all.

😆 you're so funny.. cousin It. Love how you see the humour in things.
Wind annoys me, I know its uses are to hope cool down, move pollution and weather but it's annoying. Dont like fans much either. I just hack it in summer usually.

Missing Paul around, he must be having hard times poor guy. Hope he's ok. 🤗 and Mandy I think of SO often and of course StarWolf 🤗 Starts Sez and others.

I'm ok thanks Grandy still sleeping a lot but that'll ease off soon.
Keen to get back to walking. Thought my mongrel foot had come good but nah. Grrr.

Hope you and everyones day has some beautiful light easy times.

Thanks for being such an amazing friend. Love you big time huns 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

I've been trying to write this for some days, but the words I want vanish & I get frustrated & give up. I am going to do it today whatever it comes out as.

I have been reading along & thinking of you.

Your poor body trying to fight the infection, it is no wonder you have ended up so worn out & tired. It's good you have been listening to your body & sleeping as much as you need.

You really do seem to be in the wars lass, it almost seems like the various bits of your body are trying to outdo the others & take out sorest part awards. At least the sore rump will be going away soon. Though probably not soon enough for you.

I must confess your news of your sore botty gave me happy sad chuckles as it reminded me of my late brother. He was a born stirrer & the various "solutions" he would offer whenever any of us were in pain were part & parcel of his nature & much loved & missed.

It's good to see I'm not the only one who finds wind annoying. I don't mind a gentle breeze, but anything more is a pain. Of course Murphy's Law reared it's head when I decided to move a few years back & I've managed to move to a place that is as windy as.

I hope you are taking care of yourself lass & beasty is staying away.

Sending hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey Paws 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers ☺

Lovely to see you Paws I've been wondering how you're getting on. Thank you for calling in.

Your posts are always sincere supportive and lovely deary ☺

Yip the body certainly been in competition with itself I'm thinking a couple of yrs free of grief will be just dandy now 😀

Yes it's good knowing its healing and what fond memories that clearly evokes from your late brother. Sorry to hear that Paws he sounds like a character and lovely never forgotten.

Yip not a fan of the wind although a couple of lond beach walks before I must admit it wasnt too bad the breeze through the hair like I love the feeling of water through the hair.

Oh dear oops you landed at a breezy place daghh.

Yes looking after myself hun as I hope you are too and our gorgeous Grandy and lovely friends here. Didnt day sleep today had a visitor so should sleep well tonight.

Hope you're feeling ok Paws and life being good to you.

Many thanks for your lovely support and truth have been thinking about you.

🤗🐾🕊⚘🌱💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How was your day today?.....and your poor ?....I’m pleased it’s settling without pain relief meds..I think that means it’s on the mend.....Doesn’t look like I’m going to Ned my needle and thread..so I’ll pop it away....and my instruction manual😁....

It just bugs me why so many have mh and so many don’t..must be a secret..maybe I’ll do a quick course on investigation 👩‍💻then when I graduate 👩‍🎓 I might have some answers....I’m determined to find out why...

Im very proud of you doing some of your art..doesn’t matter that it was only a little bit...You done some and that’s great...

Darn foot Deebi..they take a while to heal..I’m deeply sorry honey....I know I’ve said this before but just a very gentle reminder to try not to wear flats with the thin soles if you can help it....

Im not a fan of wind either..I love the sound it makes, if I open my glass sliding back doors just a tinsel bit the winds sings to me through the little gap...I hate being out in it..especially around the dry trees here...in t really isn’t safe as quite a few fall through strong winds...Today was a calm sunny day....I sat outside for my breakfast...yep Deebi I’ve started having breakfast since you told me it’s a very important meal....

Paws..where I live is the same..I have open land in front of me..it goes the street long and goes back to some mountains ..if their any breeze/ wind in my town..our street always has some... but in summer it’s beautiful and refreshing as it blows through my home..early evening on a hot day...

I hope you have a good night tonight and a deep sleep which relaxes you for tomorrow...I really do love you honey..💖...I hope you can feel it at times, through my words...big squishy 🐻 🤗..bbff....💖..yadimh..wiwip...pubaok....

Love and hugs everyone..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👩‍🎓🌜🤝💭🌛....

I

[demonblaster]

Hey Beautiful heart Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 🖐

Always so lovely hearing from you Mrs Grandy my special bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Ohhh what a shame you wont need your needle cotton and manual 😅 oh if you could see my disappointment 😀 oops I mean 😯

I think people create a lot of mh.
As much as I like being around people I know now why so easy to coccoon. They cant hurt us if we're not around them

It's taking an age my foot sweetyheart at least I can do flat walks without much grief. I've been mostly using the foot arch things I got from op shop lovey that you suggested ☺

Thanks Grandy I'm stuck again might have to change a lot with the art but thats ok.

Scares me that howl of wind. Oh Grandz I just love your image of cousin it 😆

You're such a good girl having breaky well done lovely one.

Ok love well the way to get your 🎓 is exactly what you do, you research and think. Really like that. Like/Love you too beautiful sissyter 🤗 in case I haven't mentioned that

We've had a very mild winter here I feel so ripped off. Grandy you and I we'd love staying at eachothers places. Geez I wish 😥😣

Oh nice my brother rung to see how I'm going..same how's your ...? 😆 and again they're going to shout my fares for Xmas. Neaties. Wanna get a load of this blasted weight off.

I do feel your love beautiful lady 🤗 thank you SO much and always comforted feeling the warmth from your wings.

Couldnt ask for a nicer friend bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 Really love you too Grandy 💗

I so hope your days been an easier one darlin and no more nightmares. Always 🗯 honey ☺😚

🎓🕊🎁👀🐻🤗🕊💖🌳🌱🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

BOOOOO....did I scare you?😂...

So easy to cocoon ourselves..Deebi...I know it’s not good...its like you said..they can’t hurt us if we’re not with them....

Thats okay honey...about your art..something will come to you..maybe incorporating our stars somehow into your design....I think your art...I’m not sure is mostly bold, thin lines, curves and angles..sorry if I’m wrong...

How Sweet is your beautiful brother, shouting your fares...he loves you so much Deebi and it’s lovely that you can spend a couple of weeks with him....That’s the best Christmas present ever.....Im so happy for you honey..I know you love your brother and his family a lot...oh and his Labrador...His other little puppy should be a little less jumpy....

Maybe when it warms up, a little walk down the beach and just sit your feet in the cool waters..maybe can help a bit with your foot....not sure.... I was offered a few times quarterzone 😂😂. (I can’t spell that word).. into my heel, to help with the pain...I said nope 👎...Maybe that’s something that you can think of...I wasn’t brave enough...it might help...

I listen to you Deebi...and try to do what you suggest/say..I’m just having toast with orange marmalade..next shopping I will get something more nutritional....

How was your day, today?....it’s okay honey no hurry to reply....I just wanted to pop in to see you and our D&E...I brought over some kitty shampoo and conditioner...maybe tomorrow we can have fun washing them together....😂😂..Oh and ill bring my bubble machine with me..The more bubbles their is the better fun...we all can have....

I hope you sleep well Deebi..with a deep sound sleep...and sweet dreams as well....👼🦄💭🐒🐻...Love you very much dear Deebi...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐻🤗💖...Sisters united against the beast...

Love and hugs everyone...💖🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼🦄...🐻🤗