Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

Whoops, it seems instead of sending you sweet dreams I must have got muddled & sent you scary hair instead. As they say try, try, again. So here I go, concentrating very hard, I'm sending you a lovely afternoon snooze with a yummy high tea for when you wake. Keeping fingers & paws crossed for you.

Huggiest hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..waves to 🙋🏻‍♀️ Paw 🐾 , Peppy and all the other beautiful people here..

How are you feeling lovely one and did you get some stitches?

Youre Welcome honey..I’m pleased I got that beautiful smile of yours up and running..poor Deebi you’ve been through so much this past month..hopefully things will improve for you soon..,

Thats okay sweety if you cry when you get home..I do when I get home from a hard time away......just let it all out honey..then you will start to heal your beautiful soul..

I did shrink me last night..I was so cute only 50cm tall...I jumped up to press the entry Button but could reach it, so I layed down and crawled under the door.😁..I’ll have to speak to the cleaners..I got so dirty..😂..I had to go to each room and climb onto the beds and use it as a trampoline to find you..Wow 4th room..their you was sound asleep..I didn’t wake you..but I did climb in your ear and told beasty to choof off...I hope it listened, then I climbed down onto the bed next to you and moved your curly hair to check your eyes 👀..they were closed..then onto your nose and with a tissue I found i parachuted down onto you chin...you must have felt me because you nearly brushed me onto the floor...boy was I lucky...I wanted to check how you looked while you were sleeping and you had a beautiful peaceful smile on your face..and I decided to comb your hair for you.to stop you worrying about it...You looked relaxed...Oh the nurse came in while I was looking in on you, so I ducked under your pillow until she left..she was checking on you...Once nurse left I jumped down onto your hands and fell asleep in them...You kept me warm...

I woke early and sneaked out the door again..this time I think someone spilled a drink and I had to swim my way out under the door..geez i ended up so muddy, but that was okay because I found a cup of water and had a bath before I I used my magic and became normal size again..I jumped onto my 🚜 and was home before you could say..supercalifragalisticexpaladoucios😂😂...

I hope you had a good day today...and that tonight will bring you another good deep sleep....

Sending you my love and hugs💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼....🌜🐻💖🌛...

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are you today beautiful bbff...

Its okay honey if your not up to replying...just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and hope your feeling better then yesterday....

I want to send you my love and care to you....💖🤗..please be okay bbff..always...

🐻🤗...sweet friend..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hi my beautifuls Grandz 👩‍❤️‍👩 Paws 🐾 alias feathers and peeps ☺

You loves are such a comfort thank you so very much for such gorgeous uplifting caring and very funny posts 😂 Paws you've heard of bad hair day wow that has nothing on the new look I was going for and the funny thing is you really don't give a toss mind you the mirror screamed a couple of times 🤗

Grandy you're just so gorgeous and how cute you looked that size. I remember thinking I dreamt you telling beasty to choof and saying you loved me ohh such a loving friend. You were such a busy little thing. I had you there with me believe me honey.
I'm so sore. Just had a glorious solid deep sleep and was yay on my back (Can't lay on it while awake again) was so sunken into the mattress nearly needed a search party 🔦 to get out.

Asked a besty for a lift home bussed to hosp for daily pack dressings which was painful with v.strong meds. They'll come to me soon. Had a lovely part of day together and bought us lunch. Was walking slowly and felt extreme tiredness in thighs, sitting on exhaustion again. At one stage I had to stop I couldn't go further until a rest. Few days hard sleeping needed. Another shocker sleep last night, that nose block and breathing thing its v.distressing.

Nurses arent happy they sent me home so early, I felt was a bit rushed but ok.

So the wounds the size of a golf ball and deep hence pack dressings. Nasty stuff. Ironic I felt nearly free of pain after days wks of it the day before op felt better but needed to be done. Copious discharge.

I told a lot of friends and family. Lovely support and from you beautifuls I dont feel alone but missing my love esp in vulnerable times.

Think I slid into a small mania. Lots of people to play with at hospital & joke with. When the sweety anaesthesiast postponed op to next morning being thorough I was sassing him in a futile attempt to go ahead we were all laughing. Such a cutey.

Ok going to med my aching beep and try and not slip into slumber for the next hr or so. Nurse coming to me tomoz for dressing, fair whack of packing in it.

Grandy thanks so much for your gorgeous fantasy love and caring nurturing safe posts you really are a high callibre friend. Love you very deeply. My bums sore Gwandy 😯🤗 rather this pain than the other. Oh had untold IV antibiotics and some oral.

Thank you very much every one 🤗

Love beautifuls 😊🤗
👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🤝💪😚

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Sounds like a huge big pain poor darling....and so big as well.....please just rest up the most you can...Good they are keeping an eye on you and changing daily...Another day or two would have been good to stay in hospital 🏥...The iv antibiotics and now the med ones will help with keeping any infection away.....

Would have been soul lifting for you with besty and having lunch together...sounds like you enjoyed it..oh honey walking would be very exhausting atm..we use our butt muscles when we walk..Please don’t rush yourself and give it time to heal properly....and keep doing what the dr said to do please..or nurse ⛑ Grandy will come over to yours and talk sternly but gently to you..

Honey if you take the meds and get tired, maybe best not to fight it...just sleep if you need to..it helps in our recovery/healing....

I tried to think of that word the other night...I had a feeling you would give one or all your medical team some sass....your bedroom mates were so lucky to have you with them..you bought them some laughter to their day...your really a beautiful soul Deebi....

Awe honey I’m sorry about you missing your love...we do moreso in times of sickness....No honey your never alone..my soul is with you always...and the others here, all love and care for you....your a special lady to so many...

Deebi..you are also a beautiful special friend to me...bbff love you lots...💖🐻🤗...Please stay always okay...hmm don’t know why but just got very emotional 😢..just now...I hope you can get some good sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow that little bit better in both body and soul....

Good night dearest friend.....I’m sending my angels, fairies and pixies to watch over you tonight and keep and warm...

Lots 💖 of love and 🐻🤗.....everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼......🌜🐄🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hey Bbff 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺

Grandy really thank you so much keeping an eye and always looking after me. I just hope you're managing sweetyheart.

Oh Grandz Im so so incredibly knocked up. Had another very deep sleep sarvo, saving the rest for tonight.

Apparently it's looking good as in no infection now. Boyo did they shove the antibiotics in. Had a couple oral but mainly IV (intra venous- through vein).
I thought what you said once Grandz, so true these people have never met us before yet they do their best to care for us 💗

It really was soul lifting. I love this one very deeply well the others too and funny this ones not a hugger lol still love her 😆

I didn't lovey walk far and yes quite right what you said hun. It was just a few slow steps at beach and I said for her to do her stuff with doggys and I'd stay and watch. Was beautiful. Loved this lady the second I met her.

Oh how cute you talking sternly but gently I'd probs hug you 🤗😆Love you don't cha know.

The daily dressings I'm having to get up early for 🤤 but thats ok as long as I get more sleep arvos.

Pains there but not needing strongest meds and less of strongs. They knock you up too. Blaghh.

Probs be a while the dressings I guess.
Friend the nice bloke I like is taking me tomoz and home I said I could bus but hes sticking with taking me thats very kind. Was cruel them letting me bus in day after op with discharge heavy meds and high pain but not much choice. Few people slacked off.

Thanks sweety I usually chat and joke where I go. Life's easier for everyone. Fills time too in a nice way.

Thank goodness finally beasty got the jack of playing the mutt! Think eventually all this over rode it.

Thank you for your gorgeous posts. The Angels fairies and pixies the little cute jobs. You're such a sweety 💜

Really love appreciate and care so deeply Grandy. Please u b ok always. Can't imagine not having a daily or close to dose of my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝😚💗

Sleep well beautiful people.
There has to be a better place.
We have the power intelligence and tools to get there ⚘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

It sounds as though you’re getting plenty of rest, which is probably a good thing 🙂 I’m very happy to hear the infection is clearing...that’s fantastic news!

I love the way that you love your friends. I know that I’ve said it before, but I really do feel you have a beautiful (& expansive) capacity to love and care...you and your friends are all very lucky to have each other...

I think a few slow steps at the beach is a great start, especially considering your recent surgery. But perhaps even more importantly, I think it’s really special to spend time with people we care about like your pal. Don’t worry, I’ll spare you my latest string of thoughts about human connection (as I can go on for some time about that) 😉

Supersoul hugs, a lemon drizzle cake fresh from the oven and much love

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, waves Peppy , Pawand all🤗..

Im pleased that no infection that’s good news honey...the ones you got in hospital were needed poor Deebi to keep any infection away....I hoped you went okay today with dressing change, and that you had a nice time with your nice bloke friend...I hope it’s not to much ouchy now and you can sit and lay more comfortably....

Walking little bits are okay beautiful bbff, please be careful of your ouchies....Soon you will be running a marathon 😁 and no stopping you..just rest up for now....please..

I only talk sternly to you because I love and care for you so very much and don’t like you hurting...I would probably 😢 while I did so and big cuddles after.😁..

I remember before you said with friend you loved her straight away...it’s nice that happens at times..she must be a beautiful person...

Oh yeah..beasty choofs off when we have other things really important to do with us...haha it gets jealous and goes away and sulks..then it comes backs in full force,,,so my dearest friend please be aware of beasty and don’t let it whisper anything in your ears...oh hang on a sec.. 💼 ..maybe these can help us.🎧.....Inside is a tape of positivity and beautiful 🎶 music...

I agree with Peppy...that anyone who can or you a call you a friend is so lucky...Your such an amazing person....

Awe can I come over to yours for some yummy lemon drizzle cake and a cup of tea/coffee....please..its nice to eat with company and I promise after I test taste it I’ll leave you a piece..

love you Deebi....pubaok.. lysvm.. awyis.. sss..yadimh always..each and every day..💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐻🤗...

Love and caring hugs..💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🍀🐾....👀🤝🤝🤝🤝🌜🐄🌛..

[demonblaster]

Dear Peppy☘ Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 loves and everyone ☺

So lovely seeing you sweeties thank you for your friendships and ongoing support 🤗

Yes I have no choice but to sleep the sleep of deeps, wow twice recently I've hit exhaustion. It's amazing how long you can keep going before the bod says that'll do.

Thanks re love for friends ☺

Yes time with peoples nourishment for the soul. I have some similar feelings to you Peps regarding connections, lack of depth maturity at times says me 🙄as much as I love being around people for the most yeah/nah lets say sometimes I can easily pass. Talk away if you ever like to. Peps I truly do think about you and your situation and posts often.
You're a lovely loyal solid friend I don't forget that ever 🤗
Oh that Lemon drizzle sounds delush thank you, arent we lucky to have such a cute taste tester close by, hymm 🤔 we may have to lock the wincy cameras 🔭🔎🔍on the cake..watch the cake!... watch the cake people! 😆

Hello My Bbff 🤗💜 I hope beastys tiring and going to choof darlin

The initial infection was a gooden which I think caused a lot of the pain as well as the nurses are saying the pressure of the carbuncles gick too.
Found out today I knew it was a good wound its 3 cm deep and 2.6 across. Oh Grandy I was going wellish on 1 strong med but wow after the dressing I ended up having 2 v.strongs. None are rough so far its just pain in there.

Great news they've given me for a while a Roho cushion, big bucks and it has a stack of longish air cells it is a relief sitting on something giving for a change. Scared I'm going to lose it somewhere.

You're so cute with your stern talk 😢 god I love you. I know beauty it's out of love 🤗

She' so easy to be around, non judgy and can say anything to her. Love our convos Peps they have maturity and depth often and interesting.

Thanks what a nice idea the 🎧positivity. Grandz I totally loved your shrinking thank you that was a classic. You are 😚☺

If I had my way beautiful we'd be with eachother at our places all the time so yes you're welcome anytime gorgeous. How good does that cake sound I can picture it and nearly taste it.

Thanks beautiful people. Much love to you both 🤗
👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🎧☘🔭🗯🔎🔍😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone 🤗..

Hows my beautiful bbff feeling today?

Wow Deebi..I’m so sorry..it’s more deep then wide..that must be so painful..honey no it’s not the nurses sweety, it’s open and will be very tender for a few more weeks.poor my Deebi💖...Love you so very much...my heart cries for you a lot...your a beautiful person and should have all the happiness in the world...you sure give me lots of happiness when I hear from you....it’s okay to take the v strong pain meds.... I feel the less pain you have the stronger your mind is...oh and sleeping the deep sleeps okay as well..once asleep you hopefully don’t feel so much of your ouchy and both your body and mind are resting.....

Umm are you talking about me..The official cake tester😁..I thought I would jump in first and take that position, umm I mean honey, someone has to do and it might as well be me....I left you two slices...don’t eat it all at once beautiful bbff...

Ive never heard of a Roho cushion..the way you describe it..I can imagine it would give you a lot of relief when sitting...Thats very kind and thoughtful of them to do that....

Thank you for liking the shrinking just wanted you to have some distraction from your ouchies....I really and truely just wanted to be with you and comfort you....

Hows your mental health going honey?...

Tomorrow I need to wash my furs and give them heaps of brushes...Destiny and eternity can join them if you want them too...Would you like to bring them over on your 🏍..I’m going to use heaps of bubbles...they will all have a great time...and we will end up more wetter then them😂..I usually do..🙃....

Same..Deebi...we would wear a groove in the road between yours and mine..😂..I’ll be going back n forward very often..

I bought my first nail polish bottle today..for my walking stick..,it’s a pretty red..I’ll buy one each pension pay day..so I have them when I finish sanding and painting it...

Love you dearest bbff.....yadimh...awyis... lysvm...pubaok....always...Please....💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐻🤗...I’m keeping all my eyes 👀 on you dear friend and holding your hands 🤝...always..🔄☮️..

Love and caring hugs everyone 💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🐻🤗