Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good Morning beautiful Deebi 👭..

Wishing you a glorious day lovely friend....

Oh honey..I couldn't eat or read a book when in operating theater with you..I have to supervise the surgeons and make sure that they do the best job they can...I have been reading doctors manuals and I'm now chief supervisor for the day...👩‍⚕️

I'm pleased I brought up a good memory for you how cute you both sound..I would have loved him like I do you anyone that loves and cares for you has my love..💖

Thank you so very much for talking to me..in times like I'm going through you're my go to for some relief from my thoughts...you're a very beautiful lady Deebi..you're so special and help me more then you know...I'm still here because I'm wishing so hard that one day we will meet some how..We never know what's around the corner..Jbbff..

Please honey look after yourself...you be okay always sweet friend..I'm sitting out back atm...watching 4 little dogs playing together..and watching a kookaburra as its joyfulfully laughing....My son has a galah in a cage..its a big cage but I'm not a fan of that..poor bird is in prison for its life and not flying free like it's meant to..so sad..that he was born in captivity and will never experience life flying free and foraging for food or meet his life partner....like he was meant to.I feel it's wrong...

Sorry if I'm rambling..I just needed a break from my thoughts and talking here does that...its taken nearly 2 hours to write here...2 hours of a beautiful distraction..

Okay honey..I need to go now..be very gentle and kind to you and enjoy your day the best you can..love you very much..💖.

Take care everyone..your all loved and are very special people..

👭Grandy🦄💖🦒🐿🦕🐛🕊🌹🍃.

[demonblaster]

Hi there Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all good people ☺

😅 You never fail to make me happy dear Grandy 😂 Honestly I was heading for a low and read about you becoming chief supervisor 👩‍⚕️ (well done finding that one with the stethoscope 😀) and you'll be supervising the doctors ... lmho (laughing my head off) oh Grandz 🤗 you're a god send. Thank you.. love you so much precious 💜

You know you impress me with your skills. I'm glad you read 🤓 up on the doctor manuals 🎓.
So just thinking .. 🤔.. shall I cancel the TV along with the sandwiches and cake cause you do sound like you'll be a tad busy or maybe I could have the cake while they operate. Could they give it to me through the drip do you think. It does have icing doesn't it 🙄... Yes It Does I remember now

So moving loving my darling you would he was very easy to love. You say beautiful things. You have so much compassion Grandy.

Oh how I wish too .Just not fair is it huns. You have no idea how much light you give me beautiful friend 🤗😚

That sounds really good you're seeing some nature.
Sweetyheart I've never thought you ramble I love listening to what you say and there's more of your beautiful compassion for animals showing as you have for people too. You really are a beautiful kind caring person Grandz one day you'll believe in yourself.

The only thing I could think is I hope it wouldn't be missing what it hasnt had.
True what you say though about its feeedom and a mate for life. Hope it's well cared for a big cage sounds good.
A couple hrs distraction that's the way hun. You're in my thoughts often daily. Please be careful and exactly as you're doing good girl keep at some distraction too honey 💜

Love you very much too Grandy

🐻🤗🐿👩‍⚕️👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦋🤝🎓🌈⛅🔥

[Ggrand]

Good morning Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I just wanted to call in and say hello...and ask how your going as well as deeply thank you for your beautiful kindness on mine....

Love you deeply honey.....I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you...How are you feeling bbff?....

Deep Love for you dearest friend...bbl today/night...

lysvm..yadimh..sss..pubaok...awyis....🌹🤗💖👼🌈🦄.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🤗💖🌹🤝🤝👀👂🦋🦅🐒🧸🌟💥

[demonblaster]

Hi sweetyheart 🤗 and readers 😊

You're a lovely friend Grandz I can't believe how lucky to have met you 🤗

I had a nice reprieve for a week or more with no headaches 🤕 but my my they're slamming lately. Most I'm catching ..well getting woken with pain, remove pillow and hope. Usually works in early stages.
Phooey had serious bang bang this morning and less severe later its still hanging around so I'll take stronger meds. Hardly needing any cause catching early which is great.

Want to walk today. Foots no good but not worse. Later after this bizzo with op I'll get again onto it.

Mentally ok not any great shakes and mostly not down. ? BP coming night before last I woke and stayed awake about 2 hrs. Before that pulled up from heading down esp reading your post about supervising the Doctors you're gorgeous Grandz seriously.
Ok if it is I'm really feeling good not having to work so hard on my head. I have tho been trying to keep Gratitude (Wolfy) and positives rolling. Helps no end.

I really need this break from everything.

I think I could bring on mania but just going to let this one be and have as much of a break as I can then maybe later sometime I'll experiment mentally to bring it on. I'm still thinking seriously we might all have the potential for true happiness as mentioned. The qualities are in us all and I think we've all experience/d traits of mania to a lesser but oh yeah so good degree.

Working on motivating to walk and art today think I'll need to lay down tho

Did some housework. Want to do more but another day to look after the neck and arms. Lately overnight my fingers arms sometimes have been very achey and painful whether arthritis carpal tunnel or related to nerves or ? See how it goes.

Seems a lymph nodes up in my armpit quite ouch at times hopefully go.

Overall not too bad thanks beautiful.

You're always here for me. You fill my life with security love and incredible memories. Thank you.
It's you we need to get through this my dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯

Love you sweetyheart 💖😊🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all🤗..

Awe poor sweety with your head aches, sore foot, arm and back...I wish so much that they would all choof away forever....I take my pillow away now when I feel a headache coming on since you suggested it..and it does work/help a lot to ease it off....

Its okay about not walking honey..please be very gentle with your bod and look after it..their plenty of time after your op and once you recover to do some walks...You done some housework and I have read that, that is a good workout for our bodies....

Please be careful if you bring mania on especially this close to your operation...and also I’m proud of you for wanting to experiment with your BP cycles/episodes but maybe honey wait until you are fully recovered from you operation...please..you mean so much to me and I want you to be okay always....I’m sorry if I sound selfish but really honey I do need you so much.....

I have a lymph nodes in the little gap between my neck and shoulder blades that swells up and boys does it give me so hurting at times..Drs not sure why it doesn’t disappear...I hope your okay Deebi and that it disappears soon...I googled and swollen lymph nodes mean our bodies fighting an infection....please be okay 🤗..

Oh Deebi...My youngest has a new pup..well it’s 9 months old now..it’s a Jack Russell cross...She’s running around the back yard at full speed about 8 times now and still going..my fur babies are just sitting their watching her..I’m sure they had a smile on their face while they were moving their heads sides to side watching her...Then they looked at me.would love to know what they were thinking.😁..

Im pleased to hear your doing okay mentally..please do me a huge favour and look after you..Don’t worry about me..I don’t want you to go down being concerned about me..I’ll get through this..My motto is to try and try again...I have you here honey, I’m not going anywhere your my bbff, were in this together and we’ll beat [IT]xx together...

Special unconditional love dearest sweetest Deebi..💖🌈..I have all the time in the world for you..🤝👼👀🦘🐒🌟🦋..

Oh did I hear somewhere on these threads that you have a 🎁 for me soon.😁..

Love and hugs everyone..💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🤝👀👂..🙋🏻‍♀️🌹🌈💜

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi..

Im just popping in to let you know that I have posted both here and mine...not as yet landed...✈️....

I’ll call in later to check...Love you..💖

🌹💖🤗Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤝👀👂🎁..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovelies hiyaz 😊

Thanks Grandz ☺ the hand pain possibly could be carpal tunneI, I don't usually have much pain from that.

I've had a touch in my legs of the achy pain that's in my arm/s but I paid for carrying too much shopping the other day in neck shoulder area, wondering if that stirred it all up. Quite painful in the fingers in the mornings. Numbness often is annoying but used to that.

Fantastic you're catching and getting headache relief. I had another bad bang bang. Serious pain luckily they only last a few minutes I feel deeply for people that suffer longer.

So Pleased I opposed beasty and did take you with me to the beach. We walked then sat on rocks, walked them a little and enjoyed it. Good work out I'll do it more often.
Makes sense exercise in housework.

Thanks lovely no not yet with trying to bring on mania it'll be later maybe a few mths sorry wasnt clear. Sound advice hun too ☺

Strange your lymph nodes doing that.
Yes I'm seeing Doc today so will check it out.
Thats right it's part of our infection fighting.

Ahhhh how gorgeous The Pup. Loving your furs just watching then looking at you 😅

Gee I hope you stay a bit there honey it sounds like a dose of love and calm that you really need.

No beautiful I'm ok mentally atm but you're having big hards and please never think you're not here for me. Ditto with time sweetyheart. Thanks for saying before too and I have the world of time for you too bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

I'm so slacked off & uncomfortable with the weight so getting back into losing it with breaks and exercise. I'll still avoid the bigger hills tho one today which is good and do more walking and meandering but have to watch the damned heel.

Love you biggly beautiful friend. Eternal 🤗😚
Oh yes and I'm enjoying putting it together and this ones on notes, usually they roll out at the time. Woo hoo you're gunna larrrv it 😀😎

🕊👼🎓👀🤝🤜👿🤛☺

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

Love the sound of your beach walk & must say well done you, choofing beasty like that.

I hope you mentioned your headaches to your Doc today, you do seem to be having quite a run of them & it would be good to work out any triggers for them lass.

Have you sorted out which of your friends you will be staying with after your op or who could stay at yours?

I feel it important to share life's lessons, so lesson learnt: Putting together flat pack furniture at 2:30am while watching the cricket will end badly, with pieces being put in back to front & only noticed after non-removable locking pins have been used. 🙄

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Oh poor Deebi...What am I going to do with you...tch..tch..tch...Carrying to much heavy grocery bags..it’s hard on our own..Oh honey I’m so sorry that your neck shoulder area...maybe a cool pack when that happens..just thinking that over using those muscles heat them up and then swells them...Please please be very careful of you..💖🤗...Yes easy strained neck/shoulder muscles causes headaches..

Loved the sound of our beach walk..rocks on the beach have hidden little creatures that are so fascinating to watch...and sitting on them in the sunshine is a very mindful way to relax..Thank you for taking me.. 🏖 🌊 ⛰..

Thank you for being with me always...

If it’s okay honey..did you see dr about lymph nodes...If I touch my lymph nodes or twist my neck a certain way, they hurt..That was one reason for chest X-ray..

So pleased to hear your mentally okay..that warms my heart a lot...I’ll be okay..so please try not to worry...your health and coming operation are more important...Praying your alright if that’s okay....

Same with me...with my weight..hopefully summer salads will be a help for that...It’s okay about your weight beautifulheart..please don’t stress about it..it’s not worth it..Please believe me...After your operation and you have heal properly then honey you might feel to get back into daily walks...The sore bruising feeling on your heal honey..doesn’t it make your whole body ache..I’m really sorry about your pain....

I was also going to ask about your friend staying with you after op...as our lovely Paws has asked you...

I larrv it already and am excited about receiving a 🎁 from you..

Love you biggly as well sweet dear friend🤗💖🦄👼...Maybe a night time picnic at mine before you go into hospital...I’m working on it honey..soon we’ll go..

Sending you heaps of hugs and deep love 🤗🤗💖💖.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝🤝👀🏆🦋✈️🌟🧸🐒🌹

[demonblaster]

BP day 3 ish. (Bbl)

Hey Paws🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 😊

Always thank you very much for your time and care lovelies ☺

Unfortunately a besty I was hoping would for sure but had pre arranged unbreakable plans so was going to stay with other beautiful besty and her partner but really wanting to come home.
One we lived with was coming down to stay so I asked if he could land that night & is. Happy days.

4 Docs over the yrs think as I do now from my neck which is damaged Paws and still griefing me. I changed to a looser pillow case last night and fab no bang bang. Intense pain. The 🤕 are bad enough verging on migraines sometimes. Happy starting to catch them and otc meds usually help.

😅 oh no you poor thing Paws how annoying. Loved hearing that not in a nya ha ha way 😀

Hope you're having good days you're kind giving but you can take too dear Paws if you need company or to talk anytime ☺🤗🐾⚘

Heya Gorgeous Grandy 😀🤗

Love your tch-ing in your caring streak. I made it less today. I enjoy the out, bussing stranger chats laughs & interactions in the supermarket. Was told today to never lose that infectious laugh and at the Docs yesterday thats 2 blokes now I really made his day with a simple joke. Nice making people happy and good for me too.

I did the frozen water bottle that time & helped. Hard to know what works cause it can come on in seconds and go in seconds at times. Must be a mess. Wow I didnt think to tell the surgeon when he said usually its from trauma tho they knew about the syrinx and I said so still no lifting etc he said no thats ok. GP and I think too it happened when I ruptured the discs. I have to be so bloody careful not to stir it up and it spread further. I'll tell the neurologists in Sept. Looking like I can barely lift anything without painful ramifications & risk

It's awesome looking around at everything isnt it on the beach.

Oh Grandz the weights really downing me mega. I WILL be losing it. Slowly convincing myself and in batches starting. Hard to get my runners on Grr.
I do love you saying not to worry tho 🤗

😊 I worked more on your 🎁 this morning in birdy hrs. A 2 part one. It's fun isn't it. I love the theme and bits but beasties being mean to me 😟 I'm telling [IT] xx (God I miss Starwolf 🤗⚘)

Oh the picnic sounds so so lovely can't wait sweetyheart 😀

Love you big time beautiful friend always ydimh and 🗯 BPaly honey 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜 everyone please be ok 🤗