Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I’m really happy to hear that you have found friends to stay with 🙂 I feel it’s a shame that your other bestie isn’t free then, but I understand that existing commitments can sometimes get in the way.

I’m not surprised that you’ve been bringing laughter and joy into people’s lives. You have this beautiful and strong spirit with an infectious zest for life. Even when you’re struggling, I still feel your strong spirit just beneath the surface.

Supersoul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB

Oh lass how wonderful that your friend can stay at yours so will be able to go home after your op, that must be such a relief.

I did share my furniture ooops as I thought it might give you a chuckle, so hehe away. 😀 Luckily it is just a storage box to go on the verandah for the cushions from the couch so really doesn't matter.

I'm usually saying my dog isn't the brightest bunny on the planet, after this I think he can say "that's the kettle calling the pot black".

I do have to second Grandy's "don't stress" about your weight. I think her suggestion to wait til after your op is a very wise one.

Thank you for saying you are here for me, it does mean a lot. 🤗

Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi lovelies 🤗

I'm just popping my head in to thank you both Peps and Paws and quicky update.

So much for the other pillowcase at least I got a day reprieve. Wow today hit with a vengeance. As usual woke with it but it was just at the beginning of a bang bang and as soon as I moved yebaaa 🔨🤕 which took a while to settle then the following headaches been solid with occasional small reprieves then on again.

Been bed mostly needing sleep badly which I did manage eventually.

I'm wary to post more atm. This eve on getting up it's finally eased but still trying.

My numbness in hands is bloody annoying and worse than ever and a lot of pain esp L fingers. Doc said maybe early onset arthritis I'm suss on some of the pain whether consistent and why so sudden ? Carrying shopping.

I'm coping well with BP atm. Just the rest of my bods really kicking up.

Been some weakness again in arms too but when they run tests physically all my strengths there. Dubious if I'm going to get answers in Sept but I'm going to follow through and not let it slide also writing down all symptoms.

I know stress could account for a lot but tbh I'm not, yes on my mind but its my neck that's causing grief and gut feeling says I'll be ok regarding ? C.

I think this will be a quicky BP the manias not been much in yehaaa but some learning from it.

I'll reply loves later ☺ my hands are really giving me some serious pain.

Love to youse

Grandy always 🗯 and deep love. Really hope today went better than you thought it would.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜⚘

[Ggrand]

Good night beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

I’m truely sorry that you’ve been having those painful headaches..🤕..even a few minutes is enough to down us...

Im pleased that you had some good sleep today..I hope it helps..in bp the more sleep the better..

Maybe carrying heavy shopping bags..especially if they are those plastic ones..honey could you consider a shopping bag on wheels...I know they were used a lot in the 80’s..I have one..I don’t use now because I have a car..is that something you would consider buying if you found one...secondhand shops occasionally get them in..it would be easier on your fingers, arms, neck back etc..☺️..It’s hard enough sweety with mh alone without physical health hurting us....

Deebi...honey please if your hands are hurting when typing out replies..there no need to....just rest them as much as you can until you know the cause..hopefully September they’ll have some answers for you...🤗..

Please be okay my bbff🤗💜..I love you dear friend and care so much for all of you....awyis..sss..BPaly...yadimh....

I wish for you a beautiful calming, restful sleep and some specially nice dreams...pubaok...

Love and hugs everyone..💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🤝

[demonblaster]

Dear Peps ☘Paws 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & other good people hi ☺

Thanks lovely ones I was going to do it alone at home but Mr anaethesia explained a few things.
Stoked it worked out friend was coming down soon anyway. I considered asking him too.
When you're sick you just want your own space eh well I do.

Peppystar I've learnt a few things from you talking to our gorgeous Grandz. I've been also applying the acknowledging thoughts and think later so I pop it in a box in mania too which has helped control the pump that was getting it's shake on a bit. Something else can't think atm so thanks hun 🤗 😊and for your time always dear friend ☺⛅☘

Paws ditto for your time and ongoing support very appreciated 🤗
😅 Doggy was probs having a quiet chuckle under his Paw ☺

Yip beasty had me that day and a couple of parts of others for a while but actually although yes I'm dirty on myself it really got me that day but its giving me the oomph to do something about it. Boy doesnt the head say nah. That's ok there's gotta be a way around it and oh yeah I want to choof it. Need to, if my back outs with this I'll be in a world of trouble but it was shocking when I was way lighter too.

So you're a cricket fan I see. Bores me to sleep I like action but I can see several reasons people would like it.

Go easy Paws 🤗☺🐾

Grandy bbff I'll bbl sweety.

Was so tired. Had more sleep woo hoo but still very knocked up.
Think I'm not far out of this BP. Nice to have a shorter one. Lucky not a biggly cause I'd probs be smoking again. The craves werent as bad the swines.

Love to you all great people. Many thanks 🤗🌈⛅🗯

[demonblaster]

Hey dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and good people 😊

So lovely to see you sweety but please only come when you're up to it, it's hard when we're struggling isnt it. Hope todays been easier for you 😚

Thanks lovey. Got the bulk of 🤕 behaving but its sneaking back. I head off too take pills and do other things lol and keep forgetting to buy the meds shopping so its a scramble look for some.
I tried the cold pack for hrs but no go lovey 🙂

I remember you suggesting the trolly I don't think I'll manage well with it behind me and need something that I don't bend to hold, considered a smaller suitcase on wheels. Trying to invent something. I'll keep an eye on trolleys thanks darlz

Yes I wasn't in a good place physically yesterday I think both carpals as well are aggravated, seems to be easing off tho still numb which is always.
Side of my back is still leaning me but I think it's settling a bit too.

Maybe extreme tired on top of carrying bags bought it all on worse.

Grandy I really hope they have answers can't help being dubious. The neck and restrictions its bring on is my biggest problem. I can't strengten it all with riskmof it hurting again. Just doing this theres hints of pain.

Going to walk tomoz and want to art.

Love you too Grandy PuAbok really love my bbff fixes. Oh bbff is bb2 means 2 B's same for F's so it's bbff 😚🤗

Nearly the weekend darlin, son time and home run till Monday. Please be very careful and vigilante driving.

Grandz it was a way shorter BP but I'm still though so knocked up.

Darl look after you. Keep the mindset we can will and are doing it 🤝🗯💜👩‍❤️‍👩💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im pleased it’s a shorter bp..this time..I hope so much that coming down you will be okay..I’ve been reading here a lot...

I really appreciate you saying only come when I’m up to it...Umm if I’m not up to it..talking to you helps me..strange how that is....If I couldn’t or wasn’t allowed to care for you....I would feel so lonely and lost....I found a little of me when I found you....But I don’t want to upset you by being to much with my care...

Oh honey..would it be easier to keep them the 🤕 meds in your bedside drawer...that’s where I keep mine..so if I wake at night with 🤕 I don’t need to get up to take one...

Would a professional psyio therapist be able to help you with strengthening exercises for your poor neck shoulders etc?...Not sure just my 💭...

If you get out for your walk I really hope you enjoy it, but honey if your not up for one, that’s okay as well darling..it’s only what you feel able to do that doesn’t hurt you at all...that’s important.....

Please try hard bbff to not carry to many heavy shopping bags..those plastic ones seems to dig into our fingers and hurt a lot...if you look at your fingers after carrying them..you’ll have the bag marks on them..ouchy...Also I’m trying to think of something easier for you....

Its snowing this weekend in a large section about hundred kilometres that I need to travel along to go home..I’m hoping so hard that it’s okay for Monday for me to go home...I really need to be home...It’s too hard here....

Please you be okay honey..You matter to me so much....Maybe try as hard as you can to sleep as much as you can...sleep helps us so much more then we will ever know...so does our friendship.🤝👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Love you dearest Deebi...I’m packing my bags to come with you on Monday and have read some more doctoring books...I’ll make sure the Drs are taking the best care of you that they can...I wish it was me looking after you when you get home😢...but so happy you will have someone with you...

I hope you enjoy your day today precious friend...pubaok.. yadimh.. lysvm..awyis...beautiful sss...

Love and hugs everyone..💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹🦄👼🤝🤝👀..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi lovely people ☺

Thank you for the really beautiful things you said hun.
When my love passed part of me went with him.
You've filled some of that gaping void Grandy loving me so much caring for me and being such a lovely and fun person, I'm learning so much here and from you. It as mentioned makes me so angry not being able to be in touch with you. We help eachother here which is fantastic but we could so much more. I don't think friendships this solid and how close we are rightfully should be denied.
I'd dearly love you looking after me on Monday. You're so cute packing your bags, ok love you have the key. My friends self sufficient so you can have the spare bed. I'll make a cubby house for all our furs.

You could never be too much to care for Grandy seriously I'm happy to look after you like you do me.

Yes I have them in my bedside table. When its bang bang I'm afraid to move and often after a few minutes I can get it either settled or a dull roar. Had a mild but getting worse all day. Its pretty much daily lately. I assume my neck goes out which takes a few days to sort itself. Bloody over it.

Yip trying to shop less weight have to get the swing of. I said I was ok this wk to mhw but went again today we'll see.
Oh today I saw good trollys only $20 at cheapy shop, I'll get sometime. Like you were saying.

Very good thinking a physio thx.

Geandz I badly have to get this off, little puffing just walking flats. I know BP made me so tired still but also realised I had two days good walks on beach in a row it caught up and would have been mania.

Hope its safe plz I think you'd be a sensible good driver. Take care lovey.

Sleep helps so much. Grandz this one I'm fairly sure I'm going to for a rare time come out relatively unscathed, just about all up 3 days were rough but pulled out.

Love you're reading more you really are a classic darlin where would I be without meeting you sweetyheart. You're 🦄

You too have no idea what your friendship means to me. Hold on sweety you've been through harder times and you'll get through these too and you have an army backing you.

Love you very much sweetyheart

Take good care lovely people you all matter too 🤗💗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💗🗯🌱🕊🦄⚘🎧🎵

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I know you and Grandy share a beautiful connection . I think it’s very heartwarming for those of us to witness your supportive and warm conversations 🙂

I know you miss your late Love daily. That void is painful. I’m glad your friendship with Grandy here has helped fill some of it though...

I feel genuine human connections, in whatever form they come in (romantic love, platonic love, genuine care and concern, unexpected kindness from strangers, offline/online, etc) is its own form of healing...maybe it won’t exactly ever completely feel voids, but it just might soften the pain a little sometimes (or a lot at other times)...

Supersoul hugs, a whole (supersized) lemon drizzle cake and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi Pepples ☘ and readers 👋

Always appreciate your visits and support lovely friend 🤗thank you.

Was and do think about you hun and loven your patience with my playing with your name 😄 just can't help myself..🎵 baddd habits🎵 😀

It is a very deep beautiful friendship, its nice of you to say that ☺ I feel the same seeing you with various friends you've met here. You must miss them I know you were close to dear Sez and our Starts. I think and miss people from here too Mandy Sapphire the above and of course our dear Starwolf. I really hope she's ok.

Agree connections help fill part of the void and pain. In life we need connection. Love keeps us going.

Oh another learn which has been of huge help from you is living in the now. I keep redirecting. It makes so much sense. I think also it's healthy if we can have goals to look forward to and work towards.

Hope you're feeling some light in your load lovely and that you've had some enjoyable you time

Thanks Peppystar 🤗☘🌱⚘💗

Hey Gorgeous Grandz. Thanks always to you too lovely. So much security knowing which I do that you keep an 👁 on me here. I always feel your wings. Sometimes sing in the arms of an Angel 💗

Nearly home time sweety, enjoy your son time. Home run. PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊🗯🤝😚🤗🦄👁🌱

Pretty much all of my acute pains have eased phew. I meant to say numbness from carpal is daily not every minute.

Archilles still there but worst in morning but at least I can walk with it, using as often as po the instep soles Grandz.

Moods good had a rotten sleep last night. Was determined not to sleeper. Hope its not another mania going to start but then again these lower ones are more manageable with effort.

The shoulder pain from neck assuming is always close by but v.mild unless stirred from too much activity.

Hoping to beach walk today.

Happy got a couple more designs made up to incorporate and change in mils card & can use them in other art.

Think I'm still in slight mania.
This one hasn't been as bad for scenarios and bad thoughts for a change or may e I'm not out of it yet but either way I'll keep the mindset.
I've been working a lot on positives and gratitude between and during episodes.

Getting there Booom!

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🗯👋🌱