Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Thats okay about fb BB..I often visit their read and join in some convos their...when you feel to is okay...🤗🌈💖..

Oh Yes honey the breakaway biscuits are so yummy..I bought me a packet of dark Tim tams last Tuesday...they were on special...

Awe I’m sorry honey that your having bad dreams..They are horrible to get and hard to settle again after waking,.I’m pleased that breathing helps you at times..breathing is a powerful managing tool...

A year is a long time, although neuro surgeon said that if something happens he will see you before the year,.lthats comforting for me to know..as well as it would be for you as well....Deebi...Umm..sorry honey..I’m not certain..does trauma mean that you must have hurt your neck by doing something heavy..if so please..please be careful...Do you remember doing anything that could have caused the trauma?....Beautifulheart you really do have to be careful with what ever your doing...🤗...September isn’t that far away...and please try to do as he says and not worry to much....Stress damages our body so much..moreso then the medical issues we have...I think that stress makes them progress faster..just my thoughts Deebi...

I hope our mil is doing okay Deebi...She is a lovely lady that deserves only the best..🌹💖..You as well sweet bbff...

Thats okay about your card..I looked on google and had a look at tribal art..ooohhh so hard..to do I would imagine..but wow how beautiful are the flowing lines...You’ll get their gorgeous friend...I know you will..

I’m zapping some pumpkin soup tonight...do you want some, with hot buttered toast...I don’t like eating alone..Food taste 100% better eating it with my bbff...

Kya and Ebony have been missing D & E...and I’m wondering if you would like to fur baby sit for me tomorrow..I can zap them over in the morning and you can have some fun watching them play with each other...😂😂..I can guarantee that if you have some bubbles.you’ll laugh so much..😂😂..Then when I pick them up tomorrow night...I will bring something yummy with me for our dinner...🍟🍔🍕..and a 🎁 for our furs...Then I’ll help you clean up all the tiny little 🐾 everywhere...💖🌈..

Love you dear friend....🌈💖🤗🐾🎁🚁🦌..Please you be ALWAY okay sweet lady....yadimh..awyis...

Big love and hugs to who wants some..🤗💖..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🌹🦘🦌..

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovelies ☺

Cool darl I'll check it out some time.

Yes I was in mania one time 😂 and have some 2 kg weights and was going to town with them not realising mania my god darlin a few days later the 1st batch was about 6wks unbelievable off the charts pain. The first couple are the worst GOD 😭 every times been rough but yip first and next phenomenal. Yes so that apparently ruptured a couple of discs. Yes a yrs a while but any probs let them know.

Just hope in Sept they know what caused the weakness and I do still have to be very careful to not hurt them again which they said in one of the notes may e from neurologist it'll probs happen again. 5 times it has.

Oh yes plz some 🎃 soup I'm doing a batch tomoz hoping. It is nice eating with my besty ☺ thank you sweetylove

Oh how cute I'd love them around the little gorgeouses and that'd be great a prezzy for them how cute. Oh neat the bubbles 😂 was thinking again today on their noses so cute.

That'll be so nice so your bringing Maccas oh yeah baby quarter pounder plz chips and my double yum sundae.

Thank you for always a beautiful post. Love our time and you very much dearest friend you're absolute magic darlin 🤗

Hope you continue picking up lovely one ☺

🐕🐶🐺🦊🦄👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🎃🏋️‍♀️🦌🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Awe I’m really sorry...I wish so much we could turn back the clock back to before that happened...Being in the neck area..I’m thinking that lifting heavy, consistent movement of your arms and head could easily cause you a major flare up and very bad pain....even a raised pillow....So not fair...

In mania we think we are invincible and can do anything...We don’t stop and think...just a straight line to get things done......Please be very careful honey...🤗..I know in mania hard to be...but I’ll gently remind you to be very mindful of what your doing...🌈💖..

September not that far away now...I too hope that they can find the cause...if they do.and can treat you.it might help also to with your headache 🤕 as well....poor darling...

Yummy soup..It’s not hard to make...Well it is cutting up the pumpkin 🎃😂...wish they weren’t so hard..be careful cutting it up....Betty loved the pumpkin soup...I told her you told me how to make it...she said your a chef 👩‍🍳..she wants to make..but I have to prepare the pumpkin 🎃 up for her...I will prepare for her on the weekend....and give her on Tuesday..I’m getting a strong 💪 arm.😂..

I washed my dogs 🐕 🐶..I hope they are not too much trouble...I put a bubble maker in for you to play with them..Just be careful if you have non carpeted floors...the soap residue makes it slippery..😂..and my girls goes slipping and sliding every where..😂..sometimes they slip and go sliding on their backs..it’s so funny...I hope you have some fun with them....

Enjoy your day sweety the best you can...love you and your beautiful heart..💖🌈🤗..

love and hugs 💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🐕🐶🦄👼🎃💪👀.

Are you doing anything today bbff......

[demonblaster]

Hi gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and lovely ones ☺

I didn't realise I was in mania until after, went nuts on lifting all angles you know that energy and vefy true its a straight line to our goal.

I don't know hun if they'll know the cause because they thought nerve and carpal tunnel which yes bilateral and mild the nerve test showed mild. So guess just have to see. There has to a reason.

I know, the cuttings big jobbies eh. They are hard. Do you put carrot onion and celery it also spreads it furthur I'm putting more in lately. Thank you Betty 👩‍🍳a friend told be the veg base to soups. Lovely of you cutting 💪 for her you're a beautiful friend Grandy love 🤗

😊 I can just see them scooting around on their backs how cute. Carpet here so they'll be fine. Oh they're all so cute and get on so well. I just have give my girls a cuddle come on cuteys.. oh boy that took some effort.. Awe Ebony and Kya came willingly.. now take note cute liddle puddy tats

Nothing planned today Grandz I might do a couple of mini walks like Paws suggested its a lovely day. I should attempt some art too.

Love you Mrs Grandy Floss 🤗 hope you're feeling better lovely.

Oh couple or 3 days ago had arvo sleep and felt incredibly good which with the evening and nxt day downs before hymmm 🤔 I wonder but it's a good break this time for a change.

BPaly 🗯 always beautiful friend 4 evs.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝👩‍🍳🏋️‍♀️💪🐩🐶🐺🦊🦄🎃

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

I know you still struggle (as we all do) but I really want to tell you that I find your insight & strength (maybe stubborness 😀 ) such an ...... inspiration isn't the right word, its more like a candle in the window shining the way.

Hugs

Paws

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I admittedly don’t know what mania is like personally, but it does sound very intense from what you’re saying. I imagine managing the depression and mania would be very exhausting at times. Yet you try and try again. I feel your persistence and belief that you can get on top of this/manage it is heart warming 🙂

I agree that going on walks can be really nice when the weather is good. So I hope you managed to get out for a bit yesterday. Some fresh air can do a world of good, I think.

I think it’s clear to me that you have very high standards/a vision for how you want your mil’s card to look. I feel it’s a shame you’re unhappy with parts of it, but I also understand you have your own unique vision for it. I’m sure if you keep tweaking things, it will eventually look the way you want it to 🙂

Delivering super soul hugs, free choccy bars and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi...

Just calling in to wish you a good night sleep with beautiful dreams for a beautiful bbff...your in my 💭...

Sweet dreams...with flowers, pixies, fairies, angels, stars and deendy...🌈 🐉 💐👼💖🌹🦄👼....

Love you sweet friend...big squishy 🐻🤗....🌈🌹🦌🦘🐶💭..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🌹🌈💖..

[demonblaster]

Hi Paws 🐾 Peps ☘ Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thank you all for your lovely warm support 😊

Paws that was really lovely. So nicely worded. Really appreciate that and you thank you very much 🤗

Peppystar hi lovey 🤗
Same to you thank you very much. It is exhausting hun. The manias beautiful I cant give that up (would be if I went these meds & don't like a side affect) trying to keep it under controls hard work but getting there.

I did a lovely beach walk day before yesterday and hope to today too. Was so nice. Did nearly 3 & half thousand steps.
It is nice being out. The sun and yes fresh air it's good. Sort of livens you up doesn't it

It's a bit frustrating. I've looked and looked at mils card. At least got an improvement but still stumped. I do want it to be just right. Yip tweakings the go. I think the good is it makes you think outside the box.

Oh loven the freebies you darling many thanks and much love dear Peps 😊 including super souls galore 🤗

Hiya beautiful Grandy 🤗
I hope you're fully recovered lovely.
How sweet you popping in wishing me a good sleep ☺ thank you darlin friend the pixies fairies Angels and Deendy all kept beasty away.

I'm ok. Normal. Just felt I needed a break from posting apart from your and my thread Grandz for a bit. I feel not as guilty as I have in the past but a bit and that people are kindly supporting me but I'm not. It's not for any particular reason just having a break.

It feels like a holiday having a longer normal its helping to keep practicing mindset and good thoughts & memories making it easier.
And sometimes it takes it out of me supporting, I imagine others feel that too.

I love seeing you Grandy. Being here for eachother is such a comfort. Love and appreciate you so very much and the beautiful good people here thank you for everything ☺🤗

Grandy.. love always and 🗯

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🗯🦄🏋️‍♀️🦌🐶🦊pubAok lysvm awyis yAdimh sss bbff gg

Have beautiful days with light and happies in your days ☺🍃

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩and a cheery good afternoon as well.....

There has to be a good reason honey and I hope they can sort it all out for you....

I wonder if I asked the butcher in Woolworths if he would cut in half or quarters for me....easier with a bandsaw..😂..I put medium onion...couple celery sticks..one big carrot..garlic..stock powder..garlic..and that’s it....First time I made I put too much carrot in..it tasted sweet and carroty..🥕🥕...Someone told me to put a couple potatoes 🥔in with it..to thicken it up...nope I’m sticking to your recipe..bbff pumpkin 🎃soup...

Did you have a couple of small walks yesterday...I just walked around my yard a few times..then decided I would do step ups instead...I have a little step up into my bathroom..I done for a few minutes 😓..puff..puff after a couple of minutes.😁.

I like what Paws said...”Like a candle in the window shining the way”.. Very beautiful and true words..💖🌈🌹🐾...

Are you okay honey?....Truth please bbff.....idk..I get the feeling your struggling a little🤗..

It is a nice day here today....I’m pleased the wind has eased off a little...Sitting outside is hard because both neighbours have fire places and I can smell nothing but smoke...I couldn’t sleep last night so I thought I would sit out front but the smell of smoke was too much..they run the fires 24/7 and it’s Smokey all day at mine..thinking I might come to yours and look after you today...maybe a barefoot walk in the sand...the warm sand where the sun has warmed it or else our poor feet 🦶will freeze 🥶...

Please be okay honey...always....love you deeply precious friend...

Love and hugs to those that want or need some...💜😂..I know I do...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼...🐻🤗...🌈🌹🦘🐉🔥...

I was about to post this then read yours....That’s okay about posting beautiful friend...strange I felt the same few times this week...you’ll get there with your card to mil...I feel that your love is in the card your making honey..it doesn’t have to be perfect..I think that the art made by someone is perfect the way they do it...because It’s your love of your beautiful mil you’ve placed in a card..that’s pure gold and something she will treasure in her heart forever....Mil will be thrilled so much to receive your love in her card...🌈🌹💖..You’re Love for her...radiates through your words...💖🌹..She is so blessed having you in her life and visa vera..

Love you Dear bbff....💜🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🐻🤗

[demonblaster]

So lovely seeing you 😊 thanks always Grandz for being there.
You really are a precious friend 👩‍❤️‍👩

Yes thanks there does have to be a reason. I can't do much because of risking it happening again or worse it doing nerve pain again potentially stirring up csf. Too dangerous.

Gaenacologist on Monday and you have doc on Tues 🤞.

Haha what a great idea asking the butcher 😂 they'd have it done in seconds.
Potatoe sounds like a good idea. I keep it thick by only mincing up a bit of juice each batch. I'm not overly a lover of 🎃 I know your fave veg but its great in thick soup isnt it. How gorgeous you sticking to my bbff recipe sweetylove 💜

No I didnt yesterday walk but day before with you 🤝 on the beach was so lovely. I gave you my 🗯 so you were there too.
Wow good girl but please Grandz try not to overdo it. I dont want you overworking your beautiful heart. Quite a workout stepping isnt it.

It is beautiful what lovely Paws said isn't it ☺

Thanks Grandz yes I'm ok thanks lovey been having times missing my darling more and those short downs were a bit intense but good pulled up and out of them. Struggling with motivation as usual. Vacuumed yesterday and some littles of housework.

Oh what a shame the smoke spoiling it for you. I didnt sleep overly well yesterday either. Bit tired today.

Thanks for honey 😀 just love it. Gives me a secure feeling. And you too Grandz I can't imagine my life without my bbff so pubAok darlin. I hope you're having a good day. I've been thinking quite a bit lately about your stick. Hope physical healths ok with you lovely. 🗯 often dear friend 😚

Always good seeing you bbff ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀🐉🔥🎃👼🐻🤗🗯