Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

I'm glad you had your bbff with you while your memories of your love slipped out of the corners of your eyes. Having someone who understands that, just being there is what matters, is a treasure in its self.

I worry you might be over doing it with your walks, 3000 steps is a lot in one go. With your back & foot etc you do need to be careful lass. Please will you think about taking shorter walks taken more often, it is just as beneficial as doing one long walk but is gentler on the body.

Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey Paws 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

Thanks Paws yes shes a great friend I too was/am always so grateful for such a beautiful friendship. It was nice feeling his presence 💗

Yes I think I'll have to ease off esp while I have the extra weight.

It's nice walking again you feel better for it.

Hope you're travelling better dear Paws thank you very much for your support 🤗🐾

Take care everyone ☺

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

I know you have been/are missing your late love. He occupies a very special place in your heart, as Grandy said.

I feel saddened by your pain, but I also understand it to some extent. If it offers some small comfort, I think tears of grief & longing are really just tears of love. You clearly loved him very deeply...it was a very special Love.

I admire how you so diligently monitor your mood, so you can put strategies in place. It must be such a relief have experienced a more stable period lately though, but I understand you’re starting to feel a little down. I think it’s good that you’re keeping an eye on that...

The card for you mil is going to be seriously special! I think the time, effort & creativity you’ve put in is moving. I like your idea to maybe work on other projects if you’re feeling stuck...

Supersoul hugs & much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

That went quickly...the MS course..it’s hard isn’t it..Makes a lot of sense....

What you been up to today precious friend?..

I hope so not another episode...my everything is crossed 🤞🏽 ...always remember my bbff that you are not your BP..you are so much more stronger, beautiful,caring,inspiring and better then your BP....it’s just squatting in your/own brains..I think it’s time we moved [IT]xx along for good...what do say Deebi...after 3 we will choof it out together...1....2...3...big breath and CHOOF OFF...BEASTY..........🤜👿💣🔫...

Awe...honey..loneliness is the worse feeling ever...I’m really sorry....If you feel lonely sweety..maybe you could ring a friend, besty..or talk here...don’t like you feeling lonely Deebi.....🤗..If you go down to 632 floor...I have set up a friends cafe...Big TV 📺...never ending ☕️Coffe and tea.. ☕️ Milo as well...cakes 🧁🍰..candy🍭🍡🍬..radio🎙and ☎️..and..🥁🎸🎺🎻🎷🎤....a little waterfall in the middle of the room...with nature sounds playing on a DVD...So you can just rest and be peaceful....all our friends are their....oooh..ooh..you can teach me to knit one handed...I’ll just super glue one hand each together then we are ready to teach and learn😂😂...

I agree with gentle Peppy..that the monitoring and your insight you have of your own mh..is really great and Deebi..your helping so many more here to understand BP more...and that’s gold...

I hope honey that your day today was a good day...and everyone’s day was/is...

Please be okay dearest bbff...always..love you special precious lady...🌈💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....Lots of warm huggly hugs..🤗🤗..

Love and hugs...💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼🌈💖🌹..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

I came in to say goodnight and saw your last post...

Are you okay honey?...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Hey Peps Grandy 🤗 and any readers hi ☺

Thanks Peps sometimes it hits harder and did for quite a while the darling. Just not fair is it 😐😢 So true a special place in my heart.
That's nice Peppystar.. tears of love.. how beautiful.

It is really good being "normal" for a while said to mhw today I dont remember being properly normal for quite some time. My talkings less in normal, still chatty but more settled

Yes I just cant think what to do it's just not right. There are some sections I like for mils card just can't get it happening but will eventually

Supersouls well received many thanks hun. Love and 🤗 back at you dear peppy ☺☘⚘

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hey darlin hope you're still on the improve lovely lady 🤗

It has gone fast the MS. I'll have to have a good look back before it all goes though I downloaded I might print it at library. A lot I had in mind and was doing and talking about here which was good to see I was on the right track, not always but thats ok learning.

Not much today darlin did a little bit of shop and paperwork with mhw and just the usual & a day sleep.

Yip time we move [IT]xx into choofland. We're going great guns I reckon Grandz 🤝

😀 How cool the 632nd floor friend lounge. You're very creative. So peaceful and relaxing just love it.
How gorgeous the waterfall and nature sounds. Nice touch gorgeous.
So good we can have band practice there as well as at Croixys. 😂 Can just see peoples faces and hair when we warm up 😨

Thanks darls both of you for being so supportive and the lovely things you say. Grandz thanks re BP good of you saying and Peps about being aware of my mh ☺

Boyo felt like a 🤒 several times probs around 5 wks now.. not sure.

Lots of warm hugs back huns and lots of love. PubAok too. Need my daily dose of my beautiful besty 👩‍❤️‍👩💜
Hope you sleep well tonight and feel better and stronger tomoz. You mean the world thank you Grandy love 🤗

✨⛑🤝👀💗🗯☘⚘😨

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi..

Ahh so pleased to hear from you....Sorry I got a bit concerned......

Yes honey I’m still improving...I have to work tomorrow..the co-ordination is still sick..means only Betty..me and the new girl if she comes in.....

If it’s okay beautifulheart I’ll talk tomorrow I’m off to bed now..I need to get up early....

I hope you have a very peaceful sleep lovely friend and dream of special happy times....love you dearest bbff...🌈💖....

Good night honey...love and hugs are squeezing their way through the screen..they should arrive in approximately 5.1 seconds😚..🌈💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...😚🦄👼🌹💖🤝👀👂..

[demonblaster]

🤗 hi Grandy and everyone ☺

What a lovely post thank you darlin. Yip doin a lot of sleeping these days hope yours was good and that you're brighter today poor thing.

Thank you you were spot on the hugs came in 5.1 seconds.

Hope you don't overdo it tomoz at work you need to look after your beautiful self 💜

I said to mhw yesterday I've been having quite a lot of bad dreams not remembering most and he said when he gave up smoking yrs ago he remembered a lot of bad dreams too.

Really hope you're ok darlin. Love you a lot 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝✨💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗..

It would be good if you could when you feel to..to print it out and that way it’s handy for you to read it if you need to....I often do... I can read and read thousands of time but it doesn’t absorb into my brain...

Ah shopping yesterday..I hope you didn’t forget our Tim tams...oh and breakaway choccy biscuits...they are yummy 😋....

Just curious Deebi...do you follow BB on Facebook?...They put this new breathing technique up..It’s good and helpful..also they put a ball that expands...then stops for hold then release..then stop again...I tried breathing with the ball and because I was watching it and keeping up with it..it was like a kind of mindfulness as well....maybe if you feel to give it a go...it might be beneficial if a panic attack happens....

That’s okay about sleeping...it gives your thoughts some peace away from beasty.....and your body is resting...Honey it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to make the card for your beautiful mil..( How is she feeling?)...your doing it with love...if your stuck on what to do on it next...maybe put it aside for a while and do a different one...or some nice calligraphy inspirational quotes...and place around your home....just a thought...

I hope your day was a good day today..it doesn’t matter what you done today honey...as long as you look after you...

Oh I remember when I was giving up smoking...I couldn’t sleep much at all...and yep after a few weeks I started having dreams...If you wake in a bad dream...sweety..please try hard to focus on your breathing..or music..or even sing a song..to help take your thoughts away from them...please honey..don’t try to remember them....Remember onlybthe Good Dreams..💖🌈..

Love you Aunty Besty nurse Deebi...Holding on to your hands...and l👀king out for you....please be alway okay precious friend....lysvm...sss...Bpaly...

Love and hugs...💜💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹🦄👼🦘🦌..

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 🖐

Always lovely seeing you thank you darlin 🤗

No I hardly do fb now days. I do messenger a bit though. I might have a squizz one day thx telling me. Sounds good the ball.

Mmm these breakaway sound good and oh yeah blue pkt Tim Tams we'll have to get dark choccy ones for you precious ☺

Yes I managed to pull out of the yuks a couple of times I've noticed a few times dreaming yuks on waking. I did deep breathing one time it took a while to come good.

Thank you Grandy love 🤝 and 👀 same here with you ☺

Hope you keep improving darlin don't like you being crook.

Oh been meaning to say the neuro surgeons I see in a yr again unless more troubles, forgot to say about my ruptured discs in neck cause he said usually trauma brings on the csf leak and GP thinks that caused it too.

He said not to worry about the abnormality in my brain stem its probs congenital and vascular. So neurologist Sept.

Mil I thought was a bit quiet today but lovely. Yes I think I will try to work on other stuff. A few parts I like others yes but it doesnt gel together.

Many thanks beautiful friend. Really love and aporeciate you. Everyone here you're great people.

Take good care huns please 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🦌🐶🦊💗😚🦄