Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely Paws ☺ and everyone 👋

Thank you Paws you're lovely to be so supportive very appreciated ☺

I'm not too bad thanks, have been quiet here but just enjoying being normal for a while, the last two bp's were very close together.

Yip still struggling to do things though good I've done some art the last couple of days, not much but somes good.

Walked to the docs which was quick she couldnt do the paperwork they want it from health professionals which is hard my previous short term psych shut shop and this psychiatrist I spoke once longer and the last one was quick sigh.

Hope you're doing better dear Paws, thank you for your comfort very much ☺🤗🐾🐧

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I think our posts landed ogether both here and on mine....😂😂..I was a micro second faster then you....

So pleased to hear that you done some art for a couple of days...Maybe one day you can put it up temporarily as your avatar...but not for too long..I would miss your adorable sunny happy 😃 smiley...

Nah...leave your modified bike at home and bring your streamers, bell bike...oh and of course Destiny and Eternity..I forgot to tell you that I made two very comfy little crates padded with soft velvet for them to come with you...they just clip on the sides...

Take good care of you honey....your in my 💭 and my 💓..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🤗🤗💜💜..

[demonblaster]

Heya Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & readers ☺

Nifty we were posting at the same time 😆

I hope you do get on NDIS hun I dont like you having to struggle with the lawns.

5 hrs isnt enough is it. I've been waking in bad dreams a bit lately and restless. Yukko. Took a while this morning to snap back to reality and pull out.

Coool you got BV sorted. Yay good on you. I saw your msg to them in the forums. Glad ☺

Yes thanks mentally ok just normal and having a blow the other 2 were so close it takes a lot out of us doesnt it. Thanks lovey.

Softer 🎃 would be so good its quite a work out isnt it. Awesome you've got a good one too. Mines so good. Hope you can grow some how neat that'd be. They completely take over the lawn. 😅 love you kept it warm 😂

Oh thank you sounds so cosy I'd love to come and stay then you can here too and we can walk the beaches and look at the ✨ from there while we float in the 🚿 you 😂 me up with my glass of water

Oh how cute you put on the velvet padded crates on my sooo comfy 🏍vroom. You're quite the wiz arent you.

Thanks Grandz mhw said same I'll go back when I'm ready to bbq's.

Phooey I bet its cold there, wow so close the snow. Howling wind yikes.

Love you heaps beautiful friend and soul sister you da bomb 🤗
PubAok lysvm awyis yAdimh sss bbff gg Always 🗯daily often.

Thanks Grandz Paws and lovely people ☺🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💼🎃🏍🗯🚿🐾✨

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

I’m happy to hear that you’ve had a couple of days where your mood felt more stable. I’m glad you’re taking some time do things that you enjoy offline, like your art. Is it okay if I ask what art have you been working on recently?

Super soul hugs & love.

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...and waves to the other lovely people..

NDIS rang me today and are setting up a group appointment/ in a couple of weeks...I hope WW will take me I can’t go on my own..WW was supposed to come today..hmmm again let down...I am loosing my trust in them a little....

5 hours was enough, I’m over the meds..I’m afraid one night I’ll sleep 24 hours..I’ll see how I go...

A pumpkin and watermelon lawn sound really good..not to mention yummy..😂 I wonder if I can cross them and have a Waterpkin....but I think a yucky taste.🤮...If I grow to many pumpkins or watermelons I will give to Vinnies to give away to the customers..

Did you do anything special today honey?...I hope the day was a sunny day...We got a heatwave today..14 deg..If I had a pool, I would have went for a 🏊🏻‍♀️...🥶..I thought about us walking along the beach together..you pointing out different places you like...

Oh honey I felt so sad for you..Your last two episodes were so frightening close..I was concerned so much for you...Is the meds your on bringing them closer?...I really hope that you have double the usual time between episodes🤗...It does exhaust us and takes a while to recover...Please be okay always precious bbff...

I hope you enjoy your night tonight...I’m snuggled up under blanky and wearing beasty beanie that my besty bbff made me in 11.7 seconds....They make me feel safe..🤗..

love you super special spirit soul sister....🌈💖🌹🦄👼..

Love and hugs everyone 💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼..🌜👀🤝👂🌛....ooh look Deebi. A foot 🦶.I found a foot...baby steps..👶🦶...💖🤗..

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz lovely Peppy and Grandy and readers ☺

Thanks Peps it's been or seems a while since I've been "normal" and as much as manias oh so good its still hard work to try and control so this is good just going with the groove.

I'm stuck on mils picture hun. Thinking to change a section but clueless what to do. Just doing bits but happy to be just can't figure out what to do. Maybe I should do some other and fresh ideas might flow.

Hope you're goin ok lovely 🤗☺

Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 good to see you too treasure ☺

Oh no they come Fridays and sounds like they didnt ring you either geesh. I imagine you would have been ready for them too. Not good lovey. Hope they do take you to the NDIS. They keep doing this darlin.

They sure do seem to knock you out dont they the meds lovey. Be careful darlin cause it's harder when we dont have a lot of sleep, yikes big day to fill.

Haha be neat if you get them taking over and create a Waterpkin 😅 really hope at least pumpkin happening.

Nah just the usual Grandz TV bubble game little art was going to walk but didnt. Wowsie my hip caught which it does often but I wasnt aware of even moving in bed when it did and woe oh boyo it really hurt like before. Came good.

Yes it's good being normal seems like so long since I had a normal between. Hard to say cause the episodes were starting to speed up but this atm at least touchwoods giving me a break.

😀 you're so cute sitting there with beasty beanie on 😊 I'm under a blanky too sweetyheart. Yes 11.7 seconds I think these days I can shave off .3 of a second, not bad eh. Love your heatwave geez it gets cold where you are

Please huns uAbok lysvm awyis yAdimh sss bbff gg

Love you deeply and our friendship. Thanks so much for always standing by me Grandy you give so much light. Always 🗯need you Floss 💗

Thank you beautiful people 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💼🎃🏍✨⛑🌶😂🤗

[Birdy77]

Dear Aunty Deebsta,

I hope you are taking great care of you ❤

I thought I'd give you a mid-winter reminder for an awesome way to keep warm, as taught to me by you. Grandy, you'll want to listen in here, as I know it's icy out where you live. Take the wisdom of the Deebs: find yourself a nice sunny spot inside, preferably surrounded by north-facing windows, put on a lovely shower cap, and sit there for quite a while, whilst your body gets nice and toasty (especially the head part of the body). Repeat in summer if you want the sauna experience.

Also, I don't know if you heard, but I came up with a ripper idea over at Peppystar's, combining your band and your Beasty Beanies (which I hear Grandy has started knitting up in approx 2.3 seconds give or take).

Just felt like saying hello and sending love to the bbffs xoxo ❤❤❤

[demonblaster]

Dear Tweety 🐣 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

😀 how lovely to see you tweety 🤗 and what a lovely cheerful post. Thanks so much for the laughs 😂 you're a sweety

I'll check out your invention too ☺

Pretty impressive Grandys speed knitting isnt it she's a good apprentice. I might start teaching her blankys soon.

Hope you're good darlin thanks for brightening my day hun 😊 heaps of love back atcha tweety from Aunty Deebsta ❤💗

Last night and today was getting a bit down so didnt go with it I pulled up with positive thoughts of happies and remembered the mindset that I can manage this. Few tears today. Been over the past couple of wks missing my darling more than usual. Felt his presence. He's never far from thoughts daily how often.

Had a bigger walk today, foot hurt a bit. 5 hills 3 not bad ones. Nearly 3,000 steps. I went against beasty saying nah and also the extra hill I was wanting to do. [IT xx] nearly stopped me but I won those couple of battles woot.

Had a lovely sarvo sleep.

Grandy beautiful I'm at yours ⛑ looking after you. PubAok darlin

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💗🐣✨🏍🎃🗯💼❤

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Sweety tweety🌻..and all.

I just heard that you’ve been having a few tears😢 poor honey..I’m deeply sorry that your hurting....and missing your love more then usual....If I was their with you beautiful bbff..I’d give you a long comforting hug and dry your tears and then just sit silently next to you with my heart open and just be there for you...Yes Deebi...your love is still with you safely tucked away in your heart forever....I really am sorry...please be okay precious friend....

Tweety I want to thank you as well for your lovely post..it gave me a smile today..something I needed so much....I will also check out our gentle Peppy’s thread and your ripper idea....you are really a very sweet beautiful friend....

Wow sweetheart..such a long walk..I hope your foots okay..3,000 steps that’s a lot in one walk....well done...

Im proud of how you pulled yourself out of beasty’s grip..you’re getting much stronger and winning more and more...love your inner strength so much...Oh I meant to ask you..how is your Mindspot course going?...

Im pleased to hear you slept this arvo..I tried but couldn’t..I will take half sleeper tonight...I have done some research on self talking ourselves out of negative thoughts and it’s something the professionals on psych google say really works good...and honey your proving them right....I think we have to tell beasty NO..as soon as the negatives begin stirring before [IT]xx wakes up and starts getting louder...

Oooh...oooh...when can we start...I’m really wanting to learn how to make blanky...I’ll have to go into 💼 and check out how much and what colour wool I have left.😂...

Good night my dearest bbff...love you and everything about you...Unconditionally.....Thank you very much for being my bbff.....and me yours....💖🦄👼🌹⛑...

Love and hugs beautiful people..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌈💖.....🤝👀👂...

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovelies ☺

You're so beautiful thank you for that lovely hug and drying my tears ☺. It was strong and over a long period of time. I don't know how many times daily I think of the darling. True our loves tucked away in my heart. Thanks Grandy 🤗

😂 loven tweetys idea for the Grandeebis, I won't say in case you havent seen it yet 😆 you're gorgeous tweets 🐣 darlin, yes sounds like a go.
Maybe we could do our recording at Croixys he must be missing our band practice poor man, might send him a demo CD. Gotta keep the fans happy.

One of the times I was feeling quite low I also felt incredibly lonely, haven't felt that way for several mths but wasn't long after I realised I had to pull out. Horrid feeling. Hoping the downs arent the start of an episode, at least I've had/having a good break and rest. It's been a while since I've felt fully normal.

You're sweet Grandz about the walk. Foot hurt a bit during which mainly its in the mornings getting up. I'll try for 2nd daily and wear the arch supports, these shoes seem well supported so I didnt this time.

Thanks hun sometimes I've let the mood go but it doesnt end well usually.
I'm liking MS and thought challenging is good. Yes self talk over the yrs I've found very effective especially out of anxiety attacks. This is my last wk with ms. Hope to do some more later.

Oh I love having keen willing students, ok we'll move onto blanky teachings very soon lovely. I just first want to teach you to knit one handed. Oh there's plenty of wool on the 938th floor, I put Destiny and Eternity there to play with the balls of wool but oops they untangled them all. It does look vewwy pweddy tho 🙄

Oh Grandz thank you very much for looking after me so incredibly well I often think that and how lucky to have met you my dear besty 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 love you so very much dear friend 🤗
Beautiful friendship.

Thank you too all the beautiful people here ☺🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯⛑✨🎃🏍🚿🗯🤝👀