Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all...

Im so pleased that it’s going to be a shorter episode for you..maybe Darlin..not sure but just maybe your other episode didn’t really leave you as such..maybe it was lingering in the background for a couple of week...

Im holding on to dear friend while your coming down...not letting go dear bbff..unconditionally here for you...

Your so right Deebi....in depression we habit bad thoughts on waking..that leads the way for a mostly negative day...But if we can wake and the very first though is a positive and we believe it..then our day should be more positives.....

How was your biggest morning tea..yesterday...I hope lots of hello hugs and lots of yummy 🎂 for your...I also hope your outing today with your besty was a very memorable time beautifulheart....

Wow Sissyter I’m missing you so very much....😥 it’s awful...I don’t seem to be able to be me when I’m here..not sure if you will understand that.... Every 1.5 hours they check on us...so I can’t really relax...😂 property....

Im really sorry you had a panicky attack this morning.li hope it didn’t last to long and you managed to control it with breathing....Hard though with just breathing...I usually get my candles lit or watch my sun catcher and the sparkles as well as deep breathing......

I really hope your day was good Deebi...and tomorrow and the weekend even better......Love you dear Deebi..beautifulheart...💜💜🤗🤗..

Pubaok..yadimh ...awyis..lysvm....

Sending you a big big hug...huggly huggle hug 🤗🤗🤗 and lots of love and care..💜💜💜🐉🍫🦋🦅🏠👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🚜🛵💼⛑💓.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🤝🤝🤝👀👂👀👂....👃ooops..hehe 🌜🌈🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hey sweety 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovelies 😊

Thanks Grandy you're a pillar of support I so appreciate you.

I wondered the same thing actually today about whether it was follow on from the last episode too. I didn't quite have my normals back although was ok just so tired. It's so exhausting. Lay down sarvo for a while but couldnt sleep maybe dozed and I kept forgetting although a couple of times tried techniques. Should sleep like a babe tonight but think I'll still need a sleeper. I may not ask for those meds again because when I was talking about how it was my god I really don't want that back it had different elements including the extreme lows. Yet again I'm going to try for a bomb but I'll talk more about the others. At least they worked and the highs then were wayyy bigger though the downs are pretty much tragic majority now days much the same. I remember I had to have 2 meds one of the times (asked how many I could). The ones I use are great but still only get 3/5 hrs on average honestly I need probs 14 hrs for a few nights.

🤕 in the back ground a bit but so far no meds and been better most of today.

The family/friend cuppa was on 26th and the special group a couple days before but I wasn't up to it.

It was lovely with besty thx sweet but my head wasn't in great shape. I didnt say but told her I was in BP. Awesome place water all around yachts seagulls. I love there it has some different sections and so relaxed and alive.

I miss you too, so pleased when I see you 🤗

Yes I do know what you mean about not being able to relax properly. I'm so glad you're safe though.

Thanks I'll try and look around in anxiety, it really snuck up actually maybe I'd dozed cause out of the Blue. I was trying to be positive and self talk focusing on breathing it was a gooden the mutt. I read here think at BV they're not yet clear why anxiety. I reckon it's unresolved stress ballooning out. Like a rumbling volcanoe building building then blows.

I want to set in my mind 3 happies which I was doing for a while and changing them around which is ok but when I get back to normals or semi I forget and relax I guess. I'm going to do a positive affirmation word and remeber meaning for letters like the hope one but better.

Grandy geez you'd know this pain at times often I can barely move my leg at least it doesnt hurt when it's done but Jaze 😣

Love you Mrs Sissyter heaps 4 evs 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜🔥🌹

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

I'm glad that your breathing & relaxation techniques helped you get a bit more sleep this morning. That was a great effort given how hard it can be to get off to sleep when your mind is racing. Sounds as though you may have over done it with the walking on your poor foot.

Hope your lunch with your besty went well.

Paw Prints

[demonblaster]

Hey Paws ☺

Thanks darl yes I was thrilled. No luck sarvo but I wasn't trying hard enough not on purpose just the memory in these times tiredness and thinking.

I really did overdo it. I'll remember I need to ease back in. And being so haggard makes it all harder. Most of this should ease in the next couple of days the hip will probs take up to wks.

Hope you're doing ok Paws ☺ Go easy huns ⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi and everyone.

Deebi..I think it’s time we had a little adventure away from my hospital room and your home...what do you say...Paws, Peppy and all can come along if they want to.

I escaped from my room and in a blink of an eye here I am...With Deendy our beautiful golden dragon 🐉 who helps us by taking us on trips filled with laughter.

It’s been a while since we climbed onto Deendy for an adventure...Up..upp...uuuppp..we go....now gliding peacefully through the air...Oh look down their Deebi, Paws and Peppy...There’s some eagles 🦅 flying with us....along with the eagles are some brightly coloured parrots, some magpies, cockatoos and little finches......Wow the sound is incredibly beautiful as they sing together while they are flying with us.....oops..the birds are starting to separate as they fly to their 🏡.

Hand on tight...down..we goooo.....Ah a soft landing on the evergreen carpet of lush green grass......We get off , then Deendy 🐉 is going towards the waterfall..😱..look it’s having a shower 🚿 under the waterfall..😂 we all chase Deebi, ...😂😂..um... she’s climbing onto Deendy...🐉...um😂..Deebi...What a good idea...using Deendys tail as a slippery dip...weeeeee....😂..haha..lets go again.. and again...We can’t stop giggling...Deendy says to us...ok all together...so we do..but Deendy tricked us..when we were just passed the middle on the way down..😂

Deendy flicked its tail and we went flying through the air as high as the clouds and came to land on the softest cloud in the sky.....from here we could see Deendy, rolling around on his back laughing...We sit a while and reach out to touch the stardust circling each Star...oooh....I need to refill my stardust jar....A little whisper into the stardust jar...Then some magic angel dust...oh..look how beautiful a very long sparkling tunnel of tinsy..winsy..stars making a super slippery side with colourful glitter everywhere all the way back to Deendy and the waterfall.

Down we go all holding hands and giggling so loudly that Deendy heard us and he spread his wings so we could land on his back for the flight back home....Uppp we go, as high as the ✨Stars...Deendy is flying in between them...gently and smoothly...swaying us from side to side...we can’t stop laughing we’re bumping into each other..oops Grandy fell off...but Deendy swoops down to catch her...and then it’s home for us all..into bed and a long relaxing sleep dreaming of our little trip.

Lysvm bbff..💜

Grandy 💜 🤝👀👂

[demonblaster]

😀😀😀 sooo coool you wouldn't believe today I was thinking I'd love a story but thought nah don't pressure my sissyter

Love it Grandy you never fail to keep that smile on my face and 😂 so good. Really well done hun. This time I'm going to save it straight away to notes, sometimes I do but one day want to put them all in my fantasy folder. I have some from you and Wolfy and some of mine. Cause then like you do at times read in your scrapbook do you still use that?

I loved it all darlin thank you precious Angel spirit soul sissyter 🤗

Ohhh I posted and I wait to see then check often straight away so I can delete notes lucky I did note cause it hasn't landed at yours but I didnt get an email saying waiting moderation so I'm staying a bit later up tonight so I'll check if it lands and repost if not.

Thanks boootiful friend. Love and care sweety.

You da 💣

🐉🦅🐾☘👁🤝💼☄🌜💜👩‍❤️‍👩🌛

[demonblaster]

BP day 5 or? +

Tried sleep without med no go, had one should be ok or can have another. I'm doing this entry while it's in my mind.

The memories are starting to slam I'm catching them a bit too late having initial ouch then on average about 3 more thoughts following it. Trying not to feel stressed about them and self talking calmly yes it happened can't do anything about it looking for positives and yes I'll think about it another time (Peppy) sometimes it'll stay on it or same as usual if I choof one another one comes immediately. If not scenarios of arguments or being attacked. Its either or.

Not down and atm I can handle it and aware of what I was saying today about habit but ya 4get.

I started thinking on how much more can I take but that I assumes anxiety. knowing that I pulled out cause it'll avalanch. Looked around the room at things (starwolf xx) started on goods btw Grandz I'm really liking that 3rd eye it's comforting and helps zone out even for a few seconds.

Concentrations always been a biggy but throw this & extreme tired in the mix but anyway what happened I pulled out of the negatives thought of goods was listening to noise (wolfy) around and started going back into mania. I'm trying to come out and back down not that I want this garbage but it's the need for sleep.

I'm ok sort of it's mainly bed time, was a few stray down memories on my out 2day but I caught them because I was listening to besty

I'm not sure if this is correct or I may have misunderstood. My GP said once I'll check when he returns that which I knew the episodes can get more frequent and then it all fizzles out. Think I was saying they were increasing. The research I've done but need to do a lot more to my understanding it stays with us.

Anyway it hasn't thrilled me that I started heading back into one but the positive is I shut it down & the nags.

So the positives here are at least I was able to stop both sides and atm not depressed. Tired but ok. Thats the other thing to avoid going down into the pits you have to try to pull up but IT feeds on tiredness. Dangerous time atm for ? mania. Anyway what will be will be going to 😴

Thx 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 night 🕊

[Birdy77]

Dear Aunty Deebsta,

Thank you so much for giving me a big laugh this morning, I know the prezzy was for Grandy, but I tried on one of your speed of light beastie beanies and it works! Ready please Mr. Music!

You are a genius.

You make me laugh a lot, but wanted to special mention (again I think it was to your bbff) also the image of you forgetting that you had the metal prong scalp massager on your head and then seeing yourself in the mirror.

Thank you for your beautiful messages to me the other day when I was very sad. All three of them no less!! You give so much of yourself, and I appreciate and love you.

I hope you have a lovely day today.

🌻birdy xoxo

[demonblaster]

😂 and thank you mrs Tweety for giving me a big 😂 too and for saying that, you're so lovely tweets. That's really good to hear because they say be yourself here and that pretty much is how I am but I worry if I go to far mucking around but I do serious too and in your case & some others have mentioned which is great hearing there's multiple readers so it hopefully gives others a buzz too.

I love things like that. Once I was on the PC in a particularly hot area of the unit surrounded by windows in summer hot as and winter ❄ but not complaining I love light and I was thinking my god it's extra hot and realised I still had my shower cap on 😂

Birdy you're one I adore and love here very much. You've been in my thoughts often including our beautiful Peppystar one of your bbffs. It's pretty average seeing people hurt esp when they're so lovely and you love and care about them.

I hope you're travelling at least a tad better sweety 🤗 ditto Peps 💗

Geez I keep forgetting to tell you...there IS a puddy tat ...actually two, have you met my adorabubbles Grandy gave me which are so incredibly close to the real deal and wonder of virtuals apart from no cleaning up 😁 is they stay little widdle cutey ..excuse me while I melt and grab them for YES darlings another cuddle also of course to protect you but I was wondering if you'd like to play with them cause I'm sure they'd at the very least leave you one feather and hey bonus you could zoom around on their backs and save all that energy ☺🤗🐣

Love ya tweets. Aunty Deebsta exiting ..stage Right.. evennn.. to catch my little furs 🏃‍♀️

Oh btw lovey not a problem at all that they were for Grandy. Dig ya chick 🦄

BP day 5+

Very little sleep. Apart from wanting to practise sleeping med free I also in these times forget to take a med cause the minds a bit bizeee (busy. Probs should/n't have but got up for a bit too long last night. Needed to to get away from my thoughts. TV & here a while gave temporary reprieve from ruminating/constant thoughts

Took 2 meds in the end, these are meant to be one. Talked with professionals on how many I can have.

Thought the other day it was a slight back out it is and probs why I'm waking like the leaning tower of Piza. New with my back, pain but tolerable without meds. Boom & shoulder eased off. ? all this from spare room activity

A good was I felt a mindset to getting through this. Need to hold on to it same the bliss bomb

Bit of mania atm. 😴 soon hoping.

Thanks 👂

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗

[Ggrand]

Hello beautful Deebj👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Birdy 🌻 and all

Im pleased you like our little trip...not the best of trips,but it was a get away for me.takes a couple of hours writing and editing, time away from beasty

Birdy our beautiful Auntie Deebi/deebsta, truely is a genius..she has such a brilliant imaganative mind with 🎁 giving.

I haven’t tried mine on yet, but will tonight before bed..I need something warm and soft to sleep with..these pulliws covered in plastic crackle all night....The superpresent you have to me will help Choof away beasty tonight from my dreams...Geez I love you heaps..💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🎁..words not enough thanks for your wonderful friendship...pubaok..yadimh..awyis..lysvm

Im here with you beautifulheart, holding you tightly while you come down....keep breathing..come on Deebi...hold tightly...In for 5...hold..out for 7....again bbff...in for 5..hold...out for 7....good girl...keep breathing Deebi, until you feel more relaxed

Have you tried the sleep stories when your ready to sleep...they really are good. with a soothing voice, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the end of ant story I’ve listened to...Maybe if you could just give it a try and see how you feel, they do help with this’s ruminating thoughts...and it may stop you from getting up and watching tv....If you feel to try.......just search Sleep stories on you tube...Select one and hopefully you’ll fall asleep through it

Oh tweeties our liddle puddy dats...never grow up..they love Deebi so much, especially the belly rubs..Ohh and love her toes as well.😂😂...they think Deebi’s toes are liddle 🐁 mice..because I drew two eyes 👀 and tiny ears 👂 on her toes and some whiskers that look more like a beard..Our secret Tweety 🤫..It’s a special pen only puddy dats can see

The third eye I think not sure is used to relax us for hypnosis??...I’m pleased it works for you...Here you go sweety, a beautiful velvety rainbow 🌈 rose🌹..feels soft and gentle on your skin...Maybe if you don’t have a bath, take a few petals that has some positives in each petal, fill you hand basin in your bathroom with warm water add a few positive petals and rinse your face, each time the water splashes your face it...it seeks out a negative and throws it away

Deebi. my earlier post landed at mine....pheww..I’m pleased it did because I didn’t note it

love you dearest bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and our sweet little Tweety Birdy,🌻..Peppy .and others here as well

love and hugs everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌹🎁🔦🚂😂👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💼