Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

Hey DB

❤❤❤💌💌💌

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Yep, it certainly does sound like sleep plays a big role in your mood regulation and recovery. I hope you get loads of rest this weekend.

I'm glad you seem to be able to manage the BP mood cycling. I bet you have learnt many coping strategies along the way and it's good that you've found a friend and confidante in Starwolf.

Thank you, your posts exude warmth. You always seem to have something nice to say about everyone here. You have a kind heart, I think.

Also, thanks for the lovely things you said to me on Sez and Butterfly's (SN) threads. I forgot to address them (sorry) but I wanted to let you know that I appreciated them a lot.

Just keep being you 😉

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thanks so much Peps 🙂 (( xx ))

When I was young nursing first job, stack of chooks, and we know how that can go lol, just being honest men can be pretty meow too 😄 I realised people say so much of the downs which fair enough but not enough of the goods in people, I only say what I mean but they should know their goods aye & that they're appreciated. It's boosting, helps self esteem, good to be acknowledged.

Yeah Starwolf my rock, she's jeez I can't speak highly enough and keep raving on oops but can't help it even telling people in RL how amazing she is, the wisdom & learning here's great but also how she & a few others say stuff that I really need to learn.
Everything people say here's so encouraging & supportive and a few like Star are so on point. I'm trying to shutup cause probs continuing to embarrass her Lmao, I'm trying Star but clearly not succeeding 🙂 Probs wants to give me a dummy but of course I've have to spit it

You know you're pretty special too don't you. If not slap yourself cause you are.
Hope you're feeling better today or worst scenario a bit brighter.

Yeah sleeps another of the devils playground, well lack of for all of us, we're at our weakest in those times, life's so much harder in every way. Only goods, those uncontrollable times when ya can't stop laughing at the most stupid things, it's stress release

Pfffttt had a lay down sarvo, bugga only dozed but had biggly stimulation with big hills walking, didn't past couple days, terrified to lose core strength for back, slowly improving thank god, still some OMG's but haven't needed pain relief phew. Neck pinched nerve settling too so gotta go easy on that to not flare it again YIKES, pain and more pain lately, rough as health continually & oh so much variety lol, last 4 & half mths, hacking other stuff but not neck and back, but at least better than other times.

Sleep well lovely thx for ongoing support and care too, right back at cha "bach" lol

[demonblaster]

Survival: Hey 🙂

I've been thinking if we can understand depression more it could help move through it. Moving through makes us stronger. So that's where I've been & at atm.

I still need to come outta this cycle that's turning into a long one which is dangerous for the downs but sticking to a determined different attitude, instead of knowing it's going to be a doozy like every other one I'm saying I'm going to get through and use above Stars distraction techniques.

The power of positive thinking, time will tell but I'm gunna get there.
Depression & all the crap thoughts are habit forming, so if we can change the thoughts....mmm....
The power of our minds, OH YEAH two swipes and I got that mozzy, soz yeah it's incredibly powerful the hard part is to get control over our thinking pattern and attitudes. Practice like anything makes perfect.

Sleep helps, LOT of. Tried sarvo but only dozed but nights, comatosed but that's good, the body can only take so much then it let's us eventually.

RockStar: That's right what you said about goals being realistic, I said to a GP once because with BP we can be dellussional (I'm lucky, not really, sometimes though when I come out of cycles can see how it does a bit, more belief in things for me) ..."How can it be dellussional if it can be achieved" he said same as you they have to be realistic. Good call.

And maybe a good idea is to put in place smaller goals as well.

Thx hope things aren't too bad for yaz

[Peppermintbach]

Morning DB,

Yes, I noticed that you do try to see the good in people. Speaks volumes about your Kind nature 🙂

Your admiration and respect for Starwolf comes across. She has supported you from your early days here and her wisdom clearly resonates deeply with you. Sometimes we find people that we connect with us so her words have clearly connected with you. It's a good thing.

Thanks for the compliment. I'm not sure that that's necessarily the case for me but I appreciate your kindness 🙂

Pinched nerve sounds very painful. Ouch. Also, I hope you manage to get more sleep this weekend to make up for your growing "sleep debt", and moreover, help you manage your mood.

Sending kind thoughts your way,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thx lovely Peps, I mean thankyou too

1st up yes it does apply to you, you're nothing but lovely & supportive to many here and you have your struggles too, it's not hard to see you too have the goods me girl

Btw your name's similar to forums in BB (big brother) yrs ago bumma it stopped. IF that was you we've met before 😄

Hoping you're doing better today, I'll drop in later mwah

have lovely day, at very least some lovelies in it

[demonblaster]

Bit tense this morn but ok mentally so far so good, time will tell but gotta keep that determination and positive NOOoo blacks.
Tension I guess is stress due to extreme tiredness, can't get extra sleep today after all, plans changed but are good though.

bbl

[monkey_magic]

.....monkey whizzing past.....

That smiley face is hypnotizing me....

[demonblaster]

🙂 good to see ya Monkey, thx for dropping or in this case whizzing by 😄

Love the smileys aye, they were heavily around in the youngy days. Times were pretty cruisy then, they're a nice message I reckon. Colours blow me away

[monkey_magic]

Ha,ha they make my eyes go funny. Yeah I remember those smiles 🙂 and here's some 4 u 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 ...

Its a smiley day 🙂