Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Guest8901]

Hello dear Pepper

I have been a little neglectful of you recently, for which I offer you my sincere apology. I keep reading your thread every day there is an update, and I figured you were struggling somewhat this past week. But there is always the delightfully elequent and understanding Birdy here supporting you as she does so well, along with ever wonderful Deebi, Grandy and SN. It usually leaves me with little to say and feeling somewhat inadequate.

But Pepper I have been concerned about you and I am always reading along, silently supporting you, as I do. I am sorry to hear that you are indeed going through a tough time as I suspected you may have been.

I recall you tend to resort to alcohol under such circumstances. Its not an ideal situation of course, but I totally understand. I used to do that a lot myself when I got really down and when I needed to drown out the constant chatter in my head and that sense of dread I often feel. It really doesnt offer any solutions though, does it? It just leaves you feeling hung over afterwards, and any minor benefit is soon lost.

Yes, its that combination of factors which usually get the better of us. No one issue or reason, which we can usually deal with in their singular, but that combination of reasons which come raining down upon us from time to time. Are you still undergoing the therapy you were doing earlier this year? And if so, is that one of the factors behind your current rough time I wonder? Would it be worthwhile and/or possible to see your therapist for simply a 'therapeutic chat'? Perhaps skip the other stuff for a while as you deal with everything else closing in on you.

I hope you manage okay today despite the lack of sleep and the slight hangover. Keep up the water. 🚰🍉

Sending you my love, care and gratitude for all you do for everyone here. Please take care.

Amanda 🤗💕👀

[Birdy77]

My dear friend,

I'm so sorry you've still been having such a rough time as well. I completely relate (as you know) to turning to the bottle, I have been drowning myself lately, and completely understand how gross you are feeling this morning - I've been there most mornings lately.

Glad you're re-hydrating; do you have any berocca in the cupboard? Usually helps me. Those hydralyte icy-poles are pretty magical too. Can you have a doona day today to recover?

What sucks about the alcohol is that we're having a crappy time, so lose ourselves in drink, and then next morning not only are our troubles still there but we have the added problems of our bleary head and seedy body.

I hope it eases soon, and that you can have a day of being gentle with yourself.

When I said it sounds like you've had some challenging social situations lately I was referring to what you were describing, maybe a week or so ago, about how you've been speaking up in some of your interactions lately when hearing discriminatory or prejudiced opinions from others.

Thank you as always for your beautiful words and your loving friendship.

Be gentle with yourself today. Snuggle under a doona if you can, watch some movies or episodes maybe ... or whatever gives you a rest and some recovery. Thinking of you.

Love,

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely people,

A grateful thank you for all your support 🙂

Lovely Mandy: it’s okay, please don’t even worry about it. There’s no apology needed at all 😉

Thank you so much for visiting, especially as I know how much you have been struggling...please don’t doubt yourself. Your thoughts are 100% valued by me 🙂

I completely agree with you that birdy is indeed very insightful and eloquent, and that Butterfly Wings, DB, Grandy and everyone else also offers incredible support too 🙂 I’m truly blessed...

The thing is alcohol gives me temporary relief. So in my head, the “benefit” (I say that loosely) far outweighs the consequence (the hangover/how alcohol is a depressant/etc). In other words, I’m almost willing to pay the “price” of a hangover for those moments of relief...

I think you made an excellent point about how it’s generally not an isolated issue that overwhelms us, but it’s when multiple issues hit home that tests our coping. Yes, I’m still seeing my psych 🙂 I can definitely see why you would suggest that, but I don’t think therapy is necessarily exacerbating anything for me. I’m fortunate to have a fairly attuned psych, for which I’m grateful...

A loving thank you and your love, care and gratitude is willingly accepted, and reciprocated. Many hugs to you...the super soul type 😉 xoxo

Dear friend/beautiful birdy: Thank you so much for your deeply caring support 🙂 As always, you are truly appreciated here...

I feel sad, yet there’s a degree of understanding, about how you’ve been waking up to fuzzy thoughts, headaches, etc each morning. I think the thing is sometimes we are willing to pay the “price” for short lived relief. Sigh, it’s a bit of a vicious cycle. One that I know you understand, my friend...

Thank you so very much. I’ll keep your rehydration advice in mind 🙂 Also thank you for explaining what you meant by the challenging social situations. I get it now 😉

Sigh, no doona day for me yesterday. Duty calls (also known as my job)...

I had already spent half the week away from work, nursing hangovers of varying intensity. Yesterday, I forced myself to show up, hangover and all. But surely showing up counts for something, right? Lol.

How have you been holding up, dear friend? I know you’ve been struggling a lot, and my hand of friendship is always extended. That being said, I also mean it when I say that there’s no need/obligation to share unless you truly want to....

Comforting hugs from me and much love, my friend...xoxox

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Hi Peps

Still sitting with you lovely, How have you been going the past few days?

Love, hugs and Many butterfly wishes 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🖤❤💌🖤❤💌🖤❤💌

[Birdy77]

Dear Friend 😊

Wow: can I relate ... dragging oneself to work hungover, how many times have I done that? Let me count the ways ...

... lost count already ...

Basically, yes it does count for something, turning up to work: well done!

How have the last few days been for you?

The last few days have been a bit better for me, after a really, really lousy time. I lost myself for a bit, drowned in booze and just blah ... but I seem to have been climbing a little bit out of it.

The build up to xmas though ... kinda makes me want to puke ... just a little bit ... how about you?

Thinking of you my friend, I do think of you a lot 😊

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

A grateful thank you to all of you for your support and kindness 🙂

Darling Butterfly Wings: Your incredible presence is always cherished 🙂 Thank you for keeping me company and for checking on me. It means a lot, especially when I know you’re going through so much...

I have been having a rough time so have been somewhat struggling. I did see 3 white butterflies yesterday, which lifted my spirit a little. I haven’t seen many white butterflies lately, so to see 3 yesterday was a special treat 🙂

As you know, butterflies always make me think of you sending your love and care...I suppose that’s largely why they make me smile...

I went to the art thing that I mentioned to you recently. Let’s just say complimentary (free) drinks at events and me are a bad combination. Lol.

Warm hugs and much love...

”Dusk till dawn” xoxox

Dear friend/beautiful birdy: As always, a huge thank you for your compassion and generous friendship and support 🙂 I know you have also been struggling, yet still reach out to me. A really heartfelt thank you to you too...

Sigh, being hungover at work isn’t exactly the most pleasant feeling as you would know. But, at least we showed up. Lol!

I’m very happy to hear that your mood seems to have lifted a little. I know you’ve been in a very rough spot for some time, and I’m truly grateful that things are starting to improve 🙂

My hope is that things will continue to improve for you, dear friend. That being said, if there are any setbacks, I think that’s okay too...I feel healing/progress isn’t meant to be linear 😉

Things have just been rough. Sigh. Keeping myself together at work is a task in itself...trying not to burst into tears suddenly, be “professional”, etc. Lol.

I recall Xmas is generally a difficult time for you (or am I thinking of someone else?) I think it can evoke such a range of different emotions in different people...

I have mixed feelings about Xmas. It mainly depends on who I happen to be with at the time. If I like the people I’m with, Xmas is great 🙂 But if I’m being dragged to some obligatory event, then I’m not so keen on Xmas...in short, it mostly depends on the company 😉

Many hugs to you, my friend. I know I always say this, but I’m truly grateful for you and all that you do to help and support me (and others).

You’re a real blessing in my life 🙂

Much love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear Friend,

I'm truly sorry to hear things have still been so rough. I am always here quietly listening if you ever want to get anything, even little bits and pieces off your chest. It can help, also to get a different perspective (I know you know this, just reminding you I'm always here, along with all your other friends who love you here).

It sounds like whatever it is is all getting a bit on top of you right now. Trying to hold yourself together at work when what you really want to do is curl up in a ball and sob is really exhausting. I can understand wanting to "let loose" once you get home. It's extra tiring trying to be professional when you're not functioning on all cylinders, maybe a bit glassy-eyed ... feels like so much hard work.

Please try to be gentle with yourself right now. It sounds like you have a lot of emotion perhaps needing to be released and held with great love.

Thinking of you and sending loving vibes to you.

Oh xmas ... I used to love it! I simply and utterly dread it now. We're going to the "in-laws" this year and it's going to be, painful, annoying, exhausting, anxiety inducing, mayhem and a royal pain in the bottom. Yippee! Deck the halls!! I find it difficult not to feel resentful, a most unattractive quality, but the pure dysfunction and hypocrisy that permeates that household gives me a tummy ache just thinking about it.

Do you get to choose what you do for Xmas? Like can you spend it with friends if you want to? We'd love to do that, or simply hang out in the backyard with the animals. But we "have to" go to the family. Blurgh.

Did you enjoy the art thing? I know you enjoyed the drinks!

Holding your hand with understanding and care ❤

🌻birdy xo

[demonblaster]

Our beautiful gentle loved friend Peppystar 🤗 that's a spare hun I think you really need it.

So sorry hearing you've been struggling so much lately Peps.

This pain needs out lovey, do you have some fave songs you could ramp up and have a boogie too or sing out loud to some can be a great release.

Darlin you know we care so much if you do want to talk as our gorgeous Birdy said even in bits can help. Maybe jot it down on paper then throw it across the room.

You matter and help many dear Peps I'd love to be able to be here for you like you are me lovely lady.

Sending a lot of love in one of your 🍫 bars that Grandys magnet seemed to attract and always deep friendship and care 🤗💟☘

[startingnew]

Hi Dear Peps,


Your often in my thoughts even when im struggling to be here. I have been missing you and it does feel like forever since ive been able to talk to you. Im sorry I havent been here as much for you, but im here now.


Im sorry your struggling so much, is there something/s that would be helpful for you to talk about? Bursting into tears and being emotional can be really hard to manage. Big big little sister hugs xoxo



im glad you were able to see 3 butterflies in one day, I havent been seeing many here either but thats not unusual here.


How was the art thing? Oh dear did you want to talk about what happened at the event?


Sending lots of caring squishy hugs, love and butterflies


Dusk till Dawn
BW xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

oh and thank you and Birdy and all for your posts on my Not coping thread, i havent gotten back there yet as im using another thread (which your welcome to look at) to try and get myself sorted a little as well.

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend/ beautiful birdy: Thank you for being here for me 🙂 I appreciate you more than you know...

Xmas sounds rough for you. Their dysfunction & hypocrisy must be exhausting & frustrating. Hurtful too. I don’t blame you for feeling resentful at all...I have a range of Xmas events in the lead-up to Xmas (+ Xmas day too). Some I’m looking forward to whereas others I’m being dragged to 😉 xoxox

Wonderful DB: Thank you, as always, for your warmth, kindness and generosity 🙂 I appreciate all the suggestions too. Although please don’t tell me you’re trying to pass off choccie from my choccie stash as a present to me? I’m onto you and that choccie magnet...lol xoxo

Darling BW: your big big little sis hugs are the best 🙂 the art thing went pretty well. Dusk till dawn xoxox

All: Sigh, I’m just over it. It’s a variety of things, so I can’t state 1 issue & say, “ that’s the problem.” I suppose there’s an underlying feeling of disconnection. Paradoxically, I’m also teary...

I think that’s partly why I get a lot out of talking to UB; I feel less disconnected when I talk to him. Maybe it’s because he reminds me of parts of myself that I dilute for the sake of diplomacy/peace...

When I read his words, I often see pieces of myself...that’s rare for me...I recognise parts of myself in his words. Yet others parts of myself, I recognise in your words too, dear birdy...

That’s not to say that I know him, but at least ideologically, I don’t feel we are that different... though perhaps a key difference would be our communication styles...

Why am I even talking about UB? I suppose I’m trying to illustrate a point about connection/disconnection....

Sometimes I feel myself split in 2. My emotions & my intellect. But I feel the 2 work best as a collaborative unit (rather than as 2 disjointed units, which is what is happening).

I find people usually like 1 or the other. Rarely both. I feel a lot of people find the combination frustrating/difficult/confusing...in other words, people find me difficult, & that hurts.

As I’ve found that most people find emotional me easier to deal with than thinking me, I water down the latter...

But what am I then left with? Who am I left with? It’s like I’ve shaved off a large chunk...

Perhaps it makes me more tolerable to others...

But not to me...

Sigh, & I don’t think it’s as simple as that line of just be(ing) myself.i understand the sentiment behind it, but it’s not that straightforward if it means alienating people...