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Not in a good space

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?
1,405 Replies 1,405

Hello

You’re right, transitions are uncomfortable. I feel a bit lost. Add to that the discomfort of the covid situation and it’s just a bit blergh. In saying that I feel good today. The sun’s shining and I’ve walked Storm. I had groceries delivered to my car boot yesterday so that was a relief not having to go in the supermarket.

I haven’t seen my friend, no. I feel like I don’t want to go anywhere or be near anyone. I wonder if that feeling will pass. It just feels unsafe. Most people here are carrying on as usual. There’s no restrictions or mask mandates or anything in place.

Ive had the spring cleaning feeling of late, which is a good way to feel if I’m going to be in self imposed lockdown. I’m enjoying rearranging and decluttering and my plants have finally got some tlc!

Might wash the windows today lol. Exciting life I lead…

Hugs to all who would like one x

Hi Katy,

Decluttering and getting housework done is good!

If you're unvaxxed then yes you're more likely to get sick and you'll be more infectious to others, so best to stay outdoors as much as possible.

I feel safe outdoors and at outdoor cafes, indoors around other people isn't great. There's lots of older people here sitting in indoor cafes but I wouldn't do it.

Enjoy your day! 🌻

Hi Katy, it must be roigh with the cases and stress, and no masks.

How are u feeling post thesis? There's so much pressure doing the thesis, it can take a lot out of us emotionally....

I hope u can find some fun things to do and love that Ur tackling things at home. It's amazing that u can use the time that way.

If it's hard to get out, is the park safer? I used to get take away coffee and sit in the park, more for my social anxiety, but it's pretty distanced...

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello

Yeah it’s funny having finished uni and my thesis, Sleepy, it’s like “um now what?”. Coffee at the park is a good idea. I went for a walk on the dog beach again yesterday, without poor grumpy Storm. I bumped into an acquaintance and got chatting and walked with her and her dog. So much for avoiding people, but we don’t seem to have any community transmission here yet. It was nice. I enjoyed it. How are things for you now? Have services etc returned to normal post Christmas/New year?

I’ve popped into your thread, Hanna, and got ideas about how to prepare before our borders open. Sounds like things are a bit crazy your way again. I wish I was like Matchy and had a veggie garden and chooks, it would be wonderful to be somewhat self sufficient. Alas I’ll be stocking up on beans lol

Its a worry that Sam had to switch diets too. I have 3 pets on 3 different special diets, so I’m hoping they stay stocked. I can’t even afford to stock up in advance as they’re so expensive! Crazy times!

37 degrees yesterday. Too hot to clean out the back storage room - maybe today’s job 🙂

Hugs x

Hi Katy,

Yuk 37, it was 32 here today and I can't cope with the heat! It's supposed to go on for weeks yet... 😯

I've got the new Jonathan Franzen book Crossroads to read, it's nice and thick and I hope it will help get me through the long days of not being able to go anywhere again!

The shopping centres were almost empty here today, back to two years ago. People have to go to the supermarkets but the other stores were almost empty. The car parks were almost empty.

There's very little fresh fruit or vegetables but other items were OK except long life milk is like gold!

I am trying to avoid this thing until next February.. they seem to hope it will peak then and subside quickly but nobody is certain. Definitely the hospitals are struggling which is good reason to try not to catch it until later.. Friends in the USA have still managed to avoid it by laying low, eating outdoors and sanitiser and masks and avoiding crowds.

Nobody knows what variant will appear after this! 😯😯You might find Dr Norman Swan's Coronacast on the ABC radio the best for accurate information by far. You can Google it. He's not alarmist, just helpful for up to date information. It used to be daily now I think it's every Friday at least until end January.

It must be unnerving watching it from over there when you have been free of it all this time. In a way it's just the dreary normal here now, but I was just starting to enjoy being able to go shopping without feeling incredibly anxious any more and now here it goes again! Rats. 😐

I've had "ordinary" flu twice in the last 5 years and it knocked me flying, and once when I was about 30 and the fatigue lasted for months. I remember all the doctors caught it (this was in a hospital) and moped about exhausted for weeks. It ain't fun.

I hope you are doing ok there. Good to get things like panadol and throat lozenges etc in case - I also wear an MP2 mask now, not just a surgical mask. Some people wear even better ones but I think this is good as they're a snugger fit. Just not glamorous!

Good luck with the dog/cat diets, I would check with wherever you get them from as Sam's diet was completely unattainable and I have had to get him adjusted to a new diet gradually with the help of a wonderful vet and vet nurse. He's gone from Hills Science diet to Royal Canin and managed well and I bought a huge bag of the new diet in case of more trouble. Now I can't afford anything!

Big hugs! 🙂🐕🌻😷🤧🐶

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

I’m sinking into a low, which is a bummer, because I always feel it roll on in and I don’t know how to stop it. I try to carry on and do things but in lows everything feels so hard. I washed a few dishes, read a bit of my book and couldn’t concentrate, and now I’m back in bed.

I have been trying to get more exercise after putting on so much weight. I’ve been walking every day, I did yoga at home, and last night I attempted push ups - I learnt that I can do 1.5 - ha! Hopefully I can find the oomph to do something later.

I googled your book, Hanna. It sounds interesting. I’m still reading A Little Life. It’s really well written. I adore words, so I always appreciate a writer with a decent vocabulary.

Well that’s about the energy I have for this post. It sounds as though you’re managing there well, despite everything. Good on you. Take care. Katy

Hi Katy,

I'm half-watching a movie about Jane Austen.. Sorry you're in a low and probably the pandemic doesn't help.

The weight will come off eventually, all that sitting studying piles it on.

I'll let you know about Crossroads, like the Yannigahara it's a mammoth read!

I read A Little Life back in coastal town, I did enjoy it but I had a few issues with it so I'll be interested to hear what you think. It's certainly a good read.

I had Crossroads out from the library but other people had reserved it after me and I hate having to read a thick book in a hurry so I bought myself a copy as a New Year treat!

Depending on your sense of humour I thought Wayne Macauley's The Cook was one of the best satires I've read in a long time.

All the U3a courses I wanted to do here are off for another year, so that's going to be 3 years what a bummer. The book club stopped due to the virus long ago. It's a total pain!

Have you read Kashugo Ushighro's Never Let me Go and Helen Gardner's Monkey Grip? Both superb!

Stay well over there! 🙂👍🐶🏖

Hello

I feel a bit brighter today. I ended up going for a walk/jog yesterday and I feel like it helped. I’m a bit sore in places today and think I’ll do some yoga at home. There’s so many videos to follow along with on YouTube, it’s great.

I’ve been reading my book this morning. I think i enjoyed the first half more than im enjoying the second. But it’s well written and highly readable nonetheless. I’ve read The Buried Giant by Ishiguro, but not the one you mentioned. It was ok. I have Klara and The Sun on my list, but still a pile here to get through first. I’ll have to check out the others you mentioned.

Its’s a shame to hear that things have been cancelled there. I sort of feel a bit in limbo here knowing the borders are opening. It’s an awkward time to be considering my next steps when I’m not sure how things will look very soon.

My hons supervisor and I will be making some amendments to my thesis so we can submit it to a journal for publication, when she’s back from leave. So that will be something to work on for now 🙂

Have a good day, Hanna, Sam, and anyone reading x

Hello Katy,

It is good to hear you are feeling a bit brighter today lass... getting out in the fresh air is good for us...

I did chuckle at your 1.5 push ups... that's about how many steps I can jog for... 😁

I saw on the news last night the blue kangaroo paws... they look lovely... I think they will be snapped up when they are released... so I might be waiting to get one

How are Stormy & the kitty coping with the heat?... Woofa is in the prime position under the air con as I type...

Wow getting your thesis published is an exciting prospect... your supervisors must think highly of your work if they are recommending publication in a journal...

I'm off to top up my bird bath... huggily hugs & pats

Paws

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Gosh it’s the most perfect of days here today. Unfortunately I’m trying to get rid of a headache so I can enjoy it. I’m sitting out the back hoping the painkillers kick in.

The willy wagtails abandoned their nest building a while ago. I’m wondering if something unpleasant happened, as there was neither here for a few days and then one came alone, and then none. Instead I have a giant praying mantis who seems to be trying to work out how to get inside. He was by the window yesterday, and today he’s at the screen door near the handle 😀

I don’t have aircon, Paws, but the furs seem to tolerate the heat ok. The cats like to lie in the shade outside even on the hottest days. Not sure what’s going on with Storm though. Our walk last night was at snail pace. Maybe age plus her spinal issues are catching up?

Well it’s incredibly lovely sitting here. What a shame you can’t all join me for a cuppa, chat, or silent contemplation x