Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy

I'm so sorry you've had such a bad experience at GROW.

You've been down for a while now.

Remember you're a smart woman and you can get past all this. Just pamper yourself a bit today. Take Stormy for a lovely walk. Look at the sea. Being in nature helps.

I haven't got much time today but will try to check in later.

Hugs 💖🐕🐾🌻🍀🏵️🌼🥀🎶💟🌴🌷🐦

[Paw Prints]

Hello Lass

Just popping in to let you know I'm thinking of you...

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Guest_1643]

HI Katy,

That sounds awful, i know the feeling of leaving very distressed and upset, moreso than before, after contacting or using a mh service. ur an amazing and lovely person, so sorry you went through that and hope you feel better

[golden82]

Hi Katy,

Sorry to read of your distress. I get the same and so tend to avoid groups and opt more for 1:1, even if over the phone. I find it is a safer space as less chance of being triggered. I hope you are okay now and continue to reach out and chat here on your thread where as you can see you have all of us in your corner. You guys are all I have - thru these lockdowns not a single 'friend' even msg a hi. The support line helped me to see it is not a reflection on me - but on them. Same goes for you. You are a worthy person (not a stupid life at all). Take care of yourself 1st!!

From Golden 🙂

[Hanna3]

Back after music to check how you are. Sending hugs dear Katy 🌼🍀🥀💖🎶

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Still in bed with Stormy curled up next to me. She looks so small and sweet when she snuggles in.

I don’t really get how GROW works, only that it supposedly does. It’s been around a long time. My ex used to nag me to go - “try something new” he’d say. One part is sharing a problem. I did for the first time, talked about not getting to prac. I said I was uncomfortable talking about it but was encouraged to “get it out”. Everyone was lovely, but it felt horrible talking, and I said so. When I left, it felt worse. Not sure why. Being in a crap mental space? Not liking talking full stop? Or maybe groups aren’t right for some people, as Golden suggests? Anyway, gross.

And why does the universe insist on sticking my ex in my path in those moments when I wish I had someone to talk to and hug? It’s like it’s giving me the finger sign.

(post or delete? Post or delete? Uggghhh. Feel gross rn)

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Snuggling in bed with Miss Storm sounds very comforting...

Lass it's possible attending GROW would get easier each time you went... you've done the hard part & opened up in front of others for the first time... or maybe as you mentioned group sessions just aren't what suits you... remember what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for everyone... we are all different...

I do agree the universe is good at kicking us when we are already down... but you you are strong enough to get back up... remember lass you are loved & cared about... not just on here... you have family who care for you... not to mention Stormy...

Lass I wonder if you were able to talk about what happened at the GROW meeting with your psych it might help you to process it all?... just a thought.

Hugs from me & gentle snuffles from Woofa

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy

I thought it was your ex that you found yourself driving behind. Sometimes we can feel as if the universe is out to get us can't we?!!!!! Of all times...

For myself I never liked groups. That's probably because I don't trust people to always be kind or helpful.

Paws could be right too, that talking about it the first time to people you don't know was very confronting and has overwhelmed you temporarily.

What do you think it was? Are you able to figure out what the problem was?

It was brave of you to talk about your feelings and fears to other people. I think you should appreciate how much courage that took. Maybe it's drained you a bit. Give yourself time to recover and permission to feel a bit wobbly for a while.

I have stuff on my mind about my music teacher which has probably been obvious... I need to think a lot. It's a difficult situation.

So I'm off to contemplate what to do about my feelings for this very sensitive man....we talked again for 3 hours tonight - and and you take care of yourself.

Hugs 💖

[Guest_1643]

hi katy, me agian here, far out about your ex ... you poor thing. hope u feel so much better so soon, i wouldnt like to bump into someone from my past at any time, let alone on a difficult day.

hope u feel better xo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I did not write a worthwhile reply earlier and wanted to try again. Firstly, thankyou all for being here- it really means so much.

Golden - Thankyou so much for your kindness. I’m sorry to hear that your friends haven’t checked in with you during lockdown. I’m very glad the helplines were supportive. Please know you’re welcome here (on this thread) any time. I looked to see if you had a thread but couldn’t find one. Any time you want a friend though, we’re here for you.

Hanna - glad you got to music and had some wonderful conversation. I hope you’re able to sort through your thoughts about the situation. I imagine if you wanted to share you would have, but if you do want to talk it through, please know we’re here for you. Thanks for coming by.

Paws - thanks for checking in on me, and the hugs. I think talking it through with my therapist is a good idea as I don’t want to necessarily give up, just manage it better. Thankyou.

Sleepy - yes! I only seem to see my ex when I’m vulnerable. What’s with that? Well I’m about to put on a scary Netflix movie. I don’t think you’re into scary ones. But I hope you’ve been finding some nice ways to pass the time. Thanks for always making me feel understood.

Hugs to all. You’re all wonderful and I’m so glad you’re here x