Not in a good space

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎09-12-2019

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

iamanxiety · ‎26-01-2020

thanks Simon,

it is a great forum we've give and receive here.

mental health is something I can't really bring up in any great depth so having this forum has been good to vent and exchange ideas.

talking about work, I have a trial at an architectural company in a week . I'm quite nervous and self doubt is sinking in. it's been a year since I designed and I feel a bit rusty. I had nerve damage in my elbow that almost paralyzed my hand . it's come back about 70% so I need to learn to work with the limitations. I wasn't even leaving the house not long ago so it's a big step

Andrew

Paw Prints · ‎26-01-2020

Hi Katy,

I found your thread at last...yay!

Must confess up front... I am not a tennis fan. I am one of those strange creatures who enjoys test match cricket.

My dear old mum was a big believer in the beneficial power of a good cry & a cup of tea when dealing with loss & grief. I think adding a hug in makes it work much better. So I'm sending you a long gentle hug.

It must be especially difficult for you not having any support (non professional) in r/l. I've never had children, but I do believe the loss of a child must be the hardest loss to bear. Would you feel comfortable contacting one of the support groups for miscarriage, where you could talk to other women online/in person. I know when my sister miscarried she found it helpful to be able to talk to other women who had a shared experience. Just a thought, no pressure to do so.

Huggliest of hugs

Paws

Guest_4643 · ‎26-01-2020

Hey Simon and everyone. I'm sorry for my slow replies, still checking the threads and replying to everyone so bare with me, I'll reply to everything I'm so sorry! Happy Australia Day though everybody. I hope you all have a safe and good day.

Simon - thanks for your kind words, I appreciate it also and I'm glad you and others feel the same. Yeah every time I see my GP I always have to tell her what my Psychiatrist says rather than her reading stuff even if she's got the report from him on the computer right in front of her. I feel like I'm caught in the middle. But in all honesty I'd listen to my Psychiatrist more because he's kind and he does his job unlike her. And he seems to have a lot of knowledge and training, kind of more than her? He's been involved with other stuff, Psychiatry stuff and other healthcare things.

Everyone else - I'm sorry that everyone's struggling, I hope everyone's alright. I'll do my best to try and support everyone.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions as to how to tell my Psychiatrist about my GP? As in wording it etc? I mean of course I'll mention what's been happening like other stuff I've told him about so called professionals, but you know. Him, myself and my parents are disgusted in all of it. I don't know what to do. Complain about my GP and others maybe? But my Psychiatrist has the right to do that on my behalf right? He seems to write this stuff and whatever I talk about down, obviously for my report and whatnot. What else would they do with their notes?

Tayla

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎26-01-2020

Hi Tayla

Yes, the medications sound a bit confusing and no wonder you're feeling a bit not quite right. I hope you can get it sorted out. I'm not really sure what happens with the case notes your psych takes, or if he can speak on your behalf to your gp. It's best to ask him these questions yourself, to clarify, for your own peace of mind. If you're not happy with your current gp is it possible to change?

Hugs, Katy

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎26-01-2020

Andrew

Yes, as humans we crave connection. I think being lonely is really unhelpful to our mental health conditions. Too much time spent in rumination allows us to fall further down the rabbit hole. I'm really glad you're off to dinner with friends. I long for the day I can do things like that.

Excellent news on the job too! You really are making some great steps forward. May I suggest some positive self-talk in the lead up? To try and eliminate some of those nerves 🙂 I actually applied for a couple of jobs too. God I was nervous just even submitting applications I was near panic. I got rejected for one and never heard back from the other. I'm kind of glad to be honest. So bloody good on you!!

Hugs, Katy

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎26-01-2020

Hey Simon

Sorry you had a bad night. Getting lost in our heads is the worst. But we're absolutely here to support you too. We're all here for each other and that's the really nice thing about this space. Everyone here knows it's not about attention seeking, it's being genuinely in distress and just needing a kind word or an ear to listen. What a shame more people don't understand, but I guess unless you've experienced it, you don't quite know what it's like.

Anyway, please post any time you want/need a bit of support and we'll be here for you. It's definitely a two way street. More hugs at you 🙂

I didn't take the board out after all. Went for a swim with my brother instead, which was nice. Lovely to have some company to break up the day. I might take the board out later but it's pretty busy around town, so I might not too.

What about yourself? Doing anything particular today? Or just taking it easy? I hope you've managed to get a nap in at least to recharge. All the best, thinking of you, Katy

Guest_4643 · ‎26-01-2020

hey Katy.

yeah it's all confusing to me and I'm caught in the middle. I hope there's no health issues I have, because I had something major which needed surgery in November 2018, my first surgery, that I never knew about. I hope that's not back or anything else.

about changing GPs, I could try. I don't know who to see and if I could go into another town, because other towns with Doctors are 20-30 mins away, and I don't know if my parents would drive me. I don't use public transport, and I have my Ls but never driven because of my huge anxiety. I want to drive but I don't. I'm such a failure.

and yeah I'll ask my Psychiatrist all of this when I see him again, I'll make some notes. I see him again on Feb 18.

Tayla x

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎26-01-2020

Hi Paws, glad you found us 🙂

I really appreciate the "huggliest of hugs"! I think you're right that it was super hard not having support in real life when I needed it. My partner (ex) was really great after our loss for the first week, and he hugged me a lot while I cried a lot, and just stuck by my side, which I really needed. It's just a shame my grief outlasted his compassion. Having to deal with the rawness alone almost overwhelmed me and it was quite a scary time. I had many unsafe thoughts. I actually feel really strong to have got through it. While it's not so raw any more there are still a lot of triggers. I don't like to look at babies at the shops, or preggie bellies. The other day at the beach there was a dolphin close to shore, who had had a still birth. She was mourning and carrying the foetus around, and it broke my heart. That was an epically bad trigger. But my gp said not to hold the tears in, just let them flow, and I did, so I think your mum is right.

I don't really think a loss support group is the thing for me, but hugs certainly are. Even virtual ones. So I thank you for that. Hugs back at you. Katy x

Junior412 · ‎26-01-2020

Hi Katy,

Thanks once again for your concern, kind words and replies. You'll never know how much it lifts me to see you respond to me at times when I need it the most. I hope you also realise that I'll be here for you as well, no matter how trivial you may think your issue is. You have my 100% support.

Today I decided to get in the car and go to Geelong to do some food shopping. There is a little shopping strip in Geelong's suburbs that has lots of food shops, fresh food markets butchers etc. While I was there I went for my daily walk in my new runners along the picturesque waterfront. Enjoyed looking at the yachts and smelling the salty air on my travels. Took a few photos (one of my interests I've let slide with my depression) . Came home and decided to cook myself a "beer roasted chook" with salad and roasted potatoes. Hopefully it will taste ok with what I bought at the markets today.

No naps today, I have to be up before 4am (if I sleep) for a 5am start at work tomorrow. I'm sorry to see in another post to Paws (BTW hi and welcome Paws) about how you react after your loss. There's nothing wrong with letting go and unloading the tears, believe you me that I hold back but at times I just can't stop the urge not to bawl my eyes out. It's a pity that in this forum we can't physically reach out and catch up for a hug, so the virtual ones will have to suffice.

Hugs and love,

Simon

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎26-01-2020

Simon, you're probably asleep already if you need to be up early (with the time difference and all - it's still early here). But I'm happy to hear you went for a drive and a nice walk. I'm not familiar with the east coast so I googled Geelong waterfront and it sure does look pretty. I bet it was nice. What kinds of things do you like to take pictures of? I'm pretty keen to hear how your dinner went too! Beer roasted chook sounds interesting. Meanwhile i'm about to pop a supermarket pizza in the oven lol. I've actually not long got back from the beach. Decided on another swim. I got a bit scared though as I was getting dragged into a rip, so decided to try and get out pretty quick.

Well not a bad day for me (for once) and about to enjoy the tennis, so glad of that too. A few tears today, but not such a low mood. Glad of the company here, so thanks.

Hugs to you, Katy