Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Guest_4643]

Hey everyone.

I'm in bed writing this at nearly 2am. I can't sleep because of insomnia, and my meds make me feel so sick. I haven't been eating properly because of this and being depressed, as in not eating as much as I usually do. Plus people snoring and the noises it's hard to ignore. I'm stressed with all of this and I'm anxious that I'll end up sick and in hospital. Some days I feel quite dizzy like I'm going to faint and I'm worried about that especially when I go for my walks and there's no one else around. I feel like vomiting right now and I haven't lately with these meds. I just barely want to leave my bedroom and stay in bed because I feel this way. My Psychiatrist is putting me on new meds next week sometime and I'm scared about that too.

enough about me though. Katy, thanks for your kind words and reassurance. Simon, I hope you're alright. I'm thinking of you and everyone here, please stay safe and take care of yourself. Everyone here should (although I don't).

I think these forums seem great so far, I was anxious to join and still am a bit but it seems good.

I hope everyone stays safe, please take care everyone, of your mental and physical health. I know I can't talk when I don't myself. So much stuff going through my head and half of it is about how these meds make me feel. I'm curled up in a ball in bed as I'm typing this, hoping I don't vomit and wake anyone up (although the snoring and other noises would be waking people up). I wish it was properly the morning and everyone was out of bed.

i hate the night, I always have even as a kid. I get more anxious and depressed at night, think the worst, long story and not enough characters really.

My apologies for the slow replies and rambling. Hope I'm not annoying everyone.

oh and Happy Australia Day everyone, I hope everybody has a good day whether you do anything or not. I hope no one minds me saying that either, just trying to be respectful and mark the tradition.

much love and big hugs to everyone like I always say.

Tayla x

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Simon - just wanted to check in with you this morning. Hope the world is looking a little brighter for you today. Any plans for your Sunday? I think it's going to be warm here so I might take the board out. Apart from that will watch the tennis. More hugs, Katy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hey Tayla

Awful when you can't sleep hey? I hope you managed to get a bit of rest eventually. Are you up to much today? Sometimes new meds can take a bit of time to settle. I hope you get some relief soon.

Hugs, Katy

[Guest_4643]

hey Katy.

Happy Australia Day to you and everyone else here. I hope everyone has a good day and takes care of themselves (not like I can talk though).

yes it does suck. I got a bit of sleep yeah. not really up to much today, we have the family friend over until tomorrow so I assume we'll go out for stuff to eat if anything's open, who knows. but for now I'm just on these forums which I seem to be enjoying.

yeah the meds have been making me feel extremely sick. I don't want to have any tests done because I'm scared and I hope I don't need to. I told my GP how awful they've been making me feel and she literally says "oh well". she was pretty bad last time I saw her. I'm disappointed and hurt. at least my Psychiatrist cares, he's the only professional who does. he'll be disgusted, my parents and I are too, and my Psychiatrist is disgusted in everything I've told him such as how I've been treated by so called professionals. he usually makes notes of this and other stuff I say in sessions but he was writing more than usual, what do you think? obviously it will go into my Psychiatry report which I'm waiting for. normally he has it done in a couple of days and it's on my file for me to read it on the website I do Telehealth with which I like, so at least he's not hiding anything from me. my GP doesn't even communicate with him and she literally told me this. I'm so confused and caught in the middle. what do you suggest I do? how do you think I should tell my Psychiatrist? what does it mean if he was writing more than usual, apart from it going on my report? he's always concerned and caring but the last session he seemed more concerned because of the extremely hard time I had over Christmas and New Years. I don't know what else to say.

hugs back,

Tayla x

[iamanxiety]

Hi Tayla,

poor sleep can be a huge problem. it seems to make everything else worse. I'm currently on about 4 hrs a night. not good.

new meds or dose changes can be quite challenging and sometimes scary. unfortunately it's time consuming and hit and miss ,although when you do get it right it can be life changing.

remember for a lot of us the medications will only take us part of the way. we need to take steps to improve our mental health other ways to complement the meds.

hey Katy. any plans for Australia day. I got dinner with a couple of freinds. I have to stop avoiding social situations. hopefully it goes well.

Andrew

[Guest_4643]

hey Andrew. thanks for your reply.

Happy Australia Day to you and everybody else here.

I agree with you with the meds. it's different for everyone - just like professionals, therapy, all of that. my Psychiatrist said all of it is like soup - there's lots of ingredients. I liked that analogy.

I'm sorry to hear that you struggle with sleep too. I appreciate your words and reassurance though.

how do you think I should tell my Psychiatrist about what I said above? I'm so lost and trapped in the middle. I always have to go and explain stuff from my Psychiatrist to her because she doesn't do her job. she even said she doesn't communicate with him. I have no idea why but I'm annoyed.

Tayla

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Yes, poor sleep definitely takes it's toll. My gp recommended medication to help with sleep. It's all natural.

I agree with you Andrew, that we need to take additional steps to help ourselves get better. Funnily enough I only figured this out recently. I've spent a decade waiting for my psychologist to "fix me". Now I sometimes feel panicky thinking about how much of my life I've wasted, when I should have been helping myself. Regrets are useless though so I need to push these thoughts aside and keep going...

Glad to hear you're going to dinner with friends. Remember to go easy on yourself. I don't have friends lol but I might go into town and just soak up some of the atmosphere later. Apart from that it's tennis on the tv, and might take my board out as it looks like a warm one 🙂

Tayla, if your psych has recommended a book for you, i'd suggest giving it a try. It's got really good reviews online and it has exercises to do which you might find helpful between sessions. I'm a big fan of self-help books! You never know when you'll find something that strikes a chord with you.

Take care, Katy

[Guest_4643]

hey Katy.

yeah you're right about all of that. I'll try to purchase the book online and read it. my GP prescribed me sleeping medication also. I've never taken it, because of mixed communication with my Psychiatrist and GP. I'd rather listen to my Psychiatrist though because my GP doesn't care. My Psychiatrist also told her to give me a prescription for something for nightmares, that I haven't taken either. I was going to but it's also a blood pressure tablet to lower it and I don't want to take the risk, but I also want the nightmares to go away, so I'm stuck you know? Plus my Psychiatrist said I could take the nightmare/blood pressure tablet (very small dosage then it goes up if you can tolerate it) with my old meds, but NOT these ones as they mix and it can be toxic. So I haven't tried either one of those, only the meds I'm currently taking and my old ones with 2 different dosages.

The ones I'm on now I was prescribed by my Psychiatrist a higher dosage but since they're making me feel so bad, he said DON'T take the higher ones and I'll be on a new one he told me about sometime next week. I'm scared about everything. I feel so sick every day and night for the whole duration.

Thanks for your suggestions.

Tayla x

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

I've been dealing with deppresion my whole adult life and am constantly learning. I too thought meds or therapy would fix me but now realise it may take more work on my part.

I too have regrets, about the life I've led ,time wasted, fesicion made but yes they are extremely unhealthy to dwell on.

Sorry to hear you feel alone. I am feeling alone myself. I spent to many years investing my time in friendships that where not genuine. I now find myself lacking real conection. I'm slowly going to try rebuild or build more meaningful relationships and restore friendships I've neglected. it's a horrible feeling loneliness.

I'm online if you want to chat .

Andrew

[Junior412]

Hi Katy,

Thanks for your concern. It's really touching that you want to reach out, when I'm supposed to be on this forum to support you. I guess it shows, and made me realise that there are people out there that go through the same misery every day (despite different situations) but can come together here on these forums and be a rock of support. With the new role at work I loosely explained the other day, the body clock has taken a hit, and with that comes sleeplessness, and as you know when you lie/sit alone in the dark at night all sorts of things enter your head. Guess it got the better of me last night - thanks for being there and the squishy hug - I love those. Hope you have a good day on the board (I assume surfboard?), getting out and trying to enjoy the open air can be beneficial.

Tayla - thanks to you as well for reaching out today. It means a lot. Sorry to hear of your problems with your meds and lack of support from your GP. Thankfully my GP is great and both he and my psych bounce information off each other to assist me. Luckily at this stage I'm not on meds, but if it helps me out down the track I'm all for it. Sorry to hear they're making you sick, hopefully it's only a transition stage. Try and enjoy your day and have a hug from me if you need it.

Andrew - Sorry to hear you feel alone mate. As I've said here earlier I went on a whim and found this forum, and it's the best thing I've ever done. The amount of support I've received from Katy when I merely responded to try and help her, is amazing - quite overwhelming in fact. I hear you about people who I thought were friends. I've soon weeded out those who carry on about me just wanting me to "feel sorry for myself" or "playing the sympathy card." I'm guessing you've also heard that before. While wonderful people like Katy, Tayla etc are here, people like you and I will never be alone. I can't speak for others but if you need to lend my ear, I'll always be here. Hug for you mate if you want it.

Friends, thanks for being here to share your stories, its a two-way street here. If anyone feels down and out, no matter how trivial it may sound, come here and we'll solve our own problems even if no one else can.

Hope everyone has a good day

Simon