Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Starwolf]

Kudos to you. Please give yourself a much deserved break and resist the temptation to push yourself too hard, too soon. There's a sequence to be followed.

I know how daunting it all feels. But you'll get there.

I hope you can put it aside for a while, it will keep. Set yourself up for a restful evening, doing whatever can keep you focused on the here and now.

There's an app you could download to help you feel more relaxed. It's called Smiling mind.

[startingnew]

im still very much on edge and struggling, just not as much as earlier this morning.

ive decided to make my day useful today and catch up on study as i pretty much had the day to myself -very very very rare and i watched a movie in Full which is also a very rare opportunity

[blondguy]

Hi SN

Kudos to you for sitting through a whole movie...and good on you 🙂

After having anxiety for years I understand how difficult that can be

Sara and Starwolf have sound advice above as you know

Sara mentioned turning off the computer to avoid over focusing and Starwolf mentioned that it takes time and patience to heal your wounds. We will be here for you, no worries.....

Please be gentle with yourself

Paul

[startingnew]

thnak you. im just watching tv and continuing my studies. i went to my gp to get wounds treated aswell. she upped my SSRI and Antipsychotics as well

[startingnew]

im such a dissapointment. i dont know what to do with myself. how can i be 20 and have everyone this dissapointed in me already

[Just Sara]

Hi SN;

I hope this finds you settled and somewhat active, 'being' in each moment of your recovery. Reading thru posts above, I'm thinking that focusing on your thoughts or opinions about yourself isn't making the difference you're after.

Yesterday didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Calling the Rape Crisis Line was my best advice and reiterated by Starwolf for good reason; the benefits are many.

So for the purpose of better guidance and support, I'll ask, what is it you want from us? What can I do to best help you help yourself?

These are hard questions, especially for one so young. However, delving into them might assist you to find answers that reflect your reality or mindset.

I can't tell you how to stop feeling negatively; it's important you grasp this. All I can do is refer you to professional support and approach your situation from an outsiders perspective and the experience/knowledge I have.

Please read thru our conversation on here, and ask yourself which of the options I gave were acted on by you. Then ask yourself why or why not. The reason for this, is to assess just how much you're willing to do to help yourself. Keeping in mind, everything I mentioned is proven to work for most.

Getting caught up in self loathing isn't new to me, in fact I know it well. What happened to you, (and me) created self blame, so it's not only others you don't trust; it's yourself too.

I'll be back tomorrow to check in on you ok? Learning to trust is a process...but well worth the effort.

Take care...

Sara

[startingnew]

i dont expect anything from anyone. if it makes it better ill delete the thread or the previous comments.

i didnt call the rape crisis line but i did get in contact with another hotline that i often use as they have a file on me so i dont have to go through it over and over again. just as you and starwolf said.

i went to my gp to get my wound checked and a general assessment and i went to my psychiatrist to talk about meds and got them altered.

i tried talking to myself saying out loud ' i can do this' and tried some distractions. just as you said

i stopped being on the computer and the phone so much only more when i was studying or jsut flicking through throughout the day- if i didnt have anything else to do that is. instead i went walking, a bike ride and jsut a drive arounf to get out of the house and to move and concentrate on things other than thoughts.

im tryin hard to be patient but when i kept crashing through through the floor its hard to beleive that i can get through this.

[startingnew]

i dont know what i expect. well really i expect nothing. i can delete the thread or the previous comments if you like?

ive looked throught the msgs.

ive called a hotline- not the rape crisis but another hotline that is usually call jus t as you and starwolf have said to do.

im hardley on the computer unless im studying or later at night or earlier in the morning. i go out even if its just for a drive around for an hour or so.

ive been using the disractions methods

i dont beleive in myself because i just keep crashing and its very hard to pull back up.

so i dont know Sara. i dont know what to do and i dont expect anything.

[Doolhof]

Hi SN,

At 20 I had just run away from an abusive husband who used to rape me and beat me up. Usually in front of his mates.

I thought like you that my life was over. I didn't know what to do with myself either.

The first thing for me was to find somewhere to live. I moved into a unit. A friend lent me a mattress, sheets, pillow and a blanket. My boss gave me a cup, plate, bowl and one set of cutlery.

I didn't go to a Dr, to counselling, to a psychologist. I had no knowledge of any kind of support. I didn't start to find professional help until 20 years later. Even now I haven't fully disclosed the horrors of that relationship.

It was just that relationship that was so horrid. I have met hundreds of lovely people since those days. I have learnt to forgive myself and forgive that guy as well.

Have you tried writing out how you are feeling and presenting that to people counselling you?

I rocked up at my last psychologist appointment with 5 pages of stuff I had typed up.

Just recently I was in hospital for two weeks due to my depression and grief. I have issues I am still trying to deal with regarding pregnancy as I kept swallowing the pain for decades instead of letting it out.

Hopefully by sharing how you are feeling here, how you are coping or not coping is helping in some way.

What I am trying to say is, don't give up on yourself, on hope, on the future.

From Dools

[startingnew]

hi

i have written it down just havent given it to anyone as yet. im too scared to do it still.

i thought i was going to end up in there the other day but i got through it. still struggling but not as bad as the other day.

im trying not to. im just trying to work through all the issues i have, it just very hard