Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings,

Gentle hugs...of course you don’t have to talk if you don’t feel up to it (or for any other reason), but just know that there are many caring people to lean on if you ever want to reach out. No pressure though...just take your time and only if you want to 😉

I’m now simply sitting with you quietly, and sending some blue butterflies your way 🙂

Many squishy big sis hugs and much love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Little Butterfly,

Awe I’m sorry Dear Little Butterfly, If your finding it hard to talk..Just take your time, and please darling give yourself heaps of loving self care...It’s raining here today, I’m laying on my lounge looking out my front door both door and screen are open, so it’s really nice to look out at the mountains getting a good wash and bath from Mother Nature....

I have a pot full of mint I’m growing I decided to move it onto the wooden railing on my veranda, as the rain is wetting it and the breeze comes into my lounge room it’s delivering a beautiful calming scent of mint....

Deebi, I think you got it right...dew is water on the leaves, like frost but not frozen....Mist is in the air..ie:- I looked out over the mist landscape...making the air look hazy, but not like pollution...

I like very much your new way of meditation before sleeping, if it’s okay, I’m going to try these tonight..Thank you...I did before starting A naming girls/boys names, but I like your idea better..

Little Butterfly, please darling do what you need to do, to keep you safe and sound from beasty’s whispers..

Love and caring hugs 💜🤗🤗..

Grandy......

[startingnew]

Thank you guys, i was coming to write posts earlier on today but i couldnt manage it. I ve been at the drs becasue ive been spiking temps of 39.5 which isnt good at all. i wanted to wait a day or 2 to see if it would reduce but it kept going up. they think its another tooth infection but either way im on strong antibiotics again and hopefully will clear it up or start to see a difference in a few days

my hands making it hard becasue the nerve damage is causing my arm to have alot of pain and burning sensations.

They have also given me a few short term sedatives becasue my heart is beating to fast because of stress and overthinking and being overwhelmed so they want to try and calm my nerves and heart through that. im hoping to be better by friday though as ill be going to the hospital.

ill try to come back tonight when i can get things to settle down here and will catch up on your threads too.

xoxoxo

[startingnew]

hi guys

im sorry ive not been here for you all, i want to write some posts for you guys soon. ive got an infection since late yesterday (or been brewing beforehand and arose more today) and im having temperature peaks to the 39s which really isnt good. the other post explains a little more of whats happening though.

Cool water, cold facewashers, pain releif and rest seems to be whats needed at the moment

[startingnew]

Afternoon Everyone


Thank you everyone for your posts and continued supports, thoughts and worries even though I very much dont deserve this care. Im so sorry I havent been here for you all or responding to posts properly.
Going back ive realised quite abits happened since ive been able to post properly! Besides my smaller updates, I have seen my nurse and I have really missed her, she has been unwell herself though. We have a good relationship (still with boundaries) but we can actually talk and she shares a little about herself too. I think she worked out that sometimes I need to heard abit of others news too otherwise it just gets way to hard for me to talk at all. Weve come up with a plan that next yr if my hormones and cycles etc havent come back to normal they will refer me onto a specialist. In a few weeks I have a rather awkward, personal and invasive test coming up which is greatly stressing me out because if it comes back negative again then I may need to be refferred onto another specialsit which doesnt sit well with me.

My temps are still all over the place but are being abit more controlled since being on anitbiotics and pain releif as well. i have my hospital appt tomorrow and am writing down many questions that i have. its a 2 hr trian ride there and back so quite a long trip indeed.

Im feeling a little bit 'funny' knowing a member im really close to isnt going to be around much. Although im very happy for them it stings quite abit. Bitter sweet....

Im getting to individual posts now xoxox

[startingnew]

Pepper- Thank you always, I am stuck in my responsibilities. In a way im not sure what I would do without them because its all ive known but yet I still crave that 'whats behind the door' sort of scenario and want to do other things too.
Its really hard for me to also think about alternative arrangements because ive always been the carer so again it kinda leaves me wondering well where does that leave me... what will become of me when that time comes around...


my flowers are unfortunalty dying off because we had 40 degree heat and because I wasnt home they were left out in the sun and they werent watered so ive repotted them, and removed the dead ones and will continue on looking after the rest of the bulbs that are opening/yet to open. They are bright yellow and orange flowers. Ill have to ask what they are.


Thank you for being here for me and your always caring and heartfelt posts. I always feel your love through them. I have a feeling that things are tough at your end though, just letting you know youve always got my love and listening ears if you need them


Sending much love, hugs and butterfly wishes
xoxoxoxoxo

[startingnew]

Hi MM


What a very lovely surprise to see you post here even though I know your going through a hard time yourself. Thank you xo


oh yes some things just are hard to stomach, thankfully no more of those stomach upsets. I think it was just a mix of everything. Ive dealt with so much worse so it surprised me it got to that point.
Thank you for your encouragement, I do try my best even though it usually isnt good enough.
Your always welcome to read or post anytime you like.
It seems this entire past 2 years have been the biggest for decision making esp the big ones. Its been really hard but maybe next year will be better and more stable.
I like 'wild wings' my collection of wings are growing, ill have to start actually being brave and using them soon!


Thanks again MM,
Sending much love, hugs and butterflies
xoxoxoxox

Hi Lici


its good to hear from you again, I know things havent been easy for you either and have been rather hectic in uni!
Yes I really do need a break. My last break was 2 years and that was because I was going to end it so the gp called the ambulance on me and had me addmitted. It still wasnt a break really because I still had them harping on at me saying how fake it was, and how I was attention seeking.


The bird in your avatar looks really close to the ones I see, the ones I see look like they have abit more black and blue on them though. They are really nice little birds. They arent in my backyard unfortunalty we have pesky minor birds who are always trying to steal my dogs biscuits! Ill definently take a look at the fairywren bird, they are really lovely.


Thanks again
Sending much love, hugs and butterflies
xoxoxo

[startingnew]

Hi Birdy


Thank you for your post, I love seeing your avatar pop up.
Its a tricky spot to be in really, im so use to be that 'slave' or never having time to think about what I want out of life or what I actually need that it makes me nervous too. Perhaps a difference sort of nervous to what others my age might feel. I just feel stuck... im not really sure how to explain it...

I guess its abit of ..'if I dont do what im doing now then who am I, what else do I do' sort of thing.

I feel so guilty about everything when it comes to change. Im currently studying but I really shrivelled back down because I just feel... abit embarrassed. And I wanted to date but I also know nows not the right time mentally/physically at the moment, but when I think of dating the first thing that comes to mind is itll make others unhappy so I cant... does that kinda make sense? If your still reading im interested in hearing what your thoughts might be too....


over the past 2 yrs ive worked really hard at trying to ger boundaries up, since mum and the kids have moved out its made it abit easier because while I go and get them ready fro school and taken them I dont have usually have to pick them up. Before I was literally playing mum to everyone including my own mum and while its ok sometimes it was so much pressure to maintain all the time. So I guess that bits abit better now.


Thank you for being here my friend
Sending much love, hugs and butterfly wishes
xoxoxoxoxo

[startingnew]

Hi Grandy

thank you for your concern. I really dont like worrying people. If I hadve been honest here I worry whatll happen so sometimes it that balance of keeping myself safe without alerting anyone even if things are awful. Lots of things were going through my heading including planning.... thoughts. The thoughts have eased a little bit at least but im not sure im out of the danger zone yet so im still being very wary of whats happening within.
I just dont seem to be fitting in anywhere, im not sure what to do, where to be sort of thing. Really just feeling in the way of everyone and everything. I also have a lot of mental blanks and it takes a lot to get my brain to work. Ive almost finished my studies but ive that 'wall', it made me really overwhelmed and upset that I had tears because I just couldnt do it. I think ill have to wait till after tomorrow and then I might be able to think a little bit clearer..


It was raining here yesterday too, was quite refreshing. Its nice weather here today and the next few days. Abit chilly though, enough for a light jacket but the sun is shining.
Your mint sounds lovely, esp in the rain. I love the smell of rain and the freshness it brings with it when the sun starts to shine again.


Thanks little angel for caring
Love, hugs and many butterfly wishes
xoxoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hi DB


No, my bodys not getting any repeieve lately! Maybe over the weekend ill get abit of time to rest properly and some real sleep not on and off sleep.


I havent really been crochettin lately, ive had my studies, family and the extra horse show commitments plus since the weekend my hands had a flareup of the carpal tunnel syndrome and today since I held my little cousin its made my hand very weak and wobbly again. Im doing it very small amoutns though only around 10 min or so at a time. Its taking forever at this rate, I was hoping it was going to be a lot bigger by the time I seen my aunt again but its barely any bigger than when she last seen it but I guess things happen...


the birds around your area sound good, I dont have a lot of chirpy birds, ive got a lot of wildlife though including many snakes at the moment!


Thanks SL
Sending much love, hugs and butterflies (a few few cheeky choccies in there )
xoxoxoxoxox




Hello to Mandy as well, sending much love, hugs and butterflies to you too xoxoxoxox