Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

Hi dear Pepper girl
thank you for keeping me company, I very much appreciate it more than what words can express.
Wednesday and thursday its suppose to be raining here so I think ill be able to do as you suggested and put some movies on and do some crochetting or even just watching a movie for a little while.
Something that reminded me of you today while I was out having a breather this little willy wagtail bird, it was blue and black in colour and it kept being around me. Kinda like it was watching me, it reminded me of your welcome presence, gave me a moment of peace in the chaos.
Sending much love, lots of hugs and of course butterfly wishes
Dusk till Dawn
BW xoxoxoxoxox


Hi SL,
I had thought about selling blankets but they are really time consuming. My rainbow one ive been working on for over 2 months and im still not finished yet. If I can learn to make scarves, beanies and baby booties it might work well. Ill just have to do the best I can with what I have even though im beyond embarrassed and have no idea what else I could do.
Thank you for being here earlier for me too, I very much appreciate it
Sending many hugs, much love and lots of choccies of all your favourite kinds
SLD
xoxoxoxoxoxox


Hi dear Birdy
what a big surprise to see you here, I feel honoured. Thank you so much, im not sure about calmly getting through but at least todays appointment is done. I love the way youve written your post, I hadnt really though about naming them watching them flay around. Really interesting actually.

Sending much love, many hugs and a bunch of your favourite flowers to you and will throw in a few butterfly wishes too 🙂
xoxoxoxoxoxo


Hello to Grandy our little angel, I know that things are rough for you atm but you often post here or reading and that means so much to me.
Lots of love, hugs and butterfly wishes for you too
xoxoxoxoxoxo

[startingnew]

So I did go to the drs, it was very draining and much to take in but at least it is over. We had a talk about the results and its not quite what we had expected. I have actually torn the intercostal muscles (so the muscles between each rib) she says there are 3 different tears in my lower ribs and all grade 2 which isnt to great... I asked her why Ive been sick if its just a pulled muscle. She said because of the extent, and the location it can make people pretty sick and be extremely painful. It also makes sense as to why even breathing hurts atm. she also said it explains why it starts to hurt after moving and also after sitting for a while as well.
She said the 2 weeks I took off originally wouldve helped with healing however since ive been back at full capactiy and just ignoring the pain it wouldve retorn it which is why the pain has flared up so much again. So its 3-4 weeks off from a lot of labouring roles and if I do exercise then I need to just take it easy and just keep it short. She said I can keep doing the horses however no heavy lifting etc. then ease back into work again. we had a look at the blood tests and the infection markers are high, however ive a dental abcess that was discovered today as well which is why ive been having such pain and those dreadful migraines. I asked about the pancreas and she said with the antibiotics im on for my tooth infection, if its an infection in my pancreas itll clear it up as well but will check it again in a few months.

To treat the muscle strain its lots of heat packs, rest, as well as pain relief which shes prescirbed something stronger for the next 2 weeks. She has said to give just gentle massages over my rib, back and stomach to just help with all of the recovery as well.... its abit of relief that there is something wrong as im often told its in my head but so much to take in.

im not in the best frame of mind tonight though because i told my siblings they could ride their horses tomorrow while mums at work before it rains the next coming days and now i have to tell them im not suppose to 😞 maybe they can just have a short ride and my youngest sister can have a little ride while on a longer lead so i only have to stand there. lots of emotions are popping up. i had expected a similar response just not quite to this extent. i didnt think it would mean more time off which i really couldnt afford to do esp right now....

Thank you everyone for being here for me xoxoxoxo

[startingnew]

Hye guys i did write about my gp appointment today but there was heaps to take in and so a longer post. hoping it pops up soon. im not in the greatest headspace tonight as im feeling rather drained, overwhelmed and also worrying about what to do tomorrow. i had things organised to do tomorrow and im not sure i can now and it also means telling my sisters too and i really dont want to keep being that dissapointment 😞

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (waves to all your friends here),

You sound so tired. You spirit sounds fatigued and in need of some love and gentle care...

I know you give 200% to your sisters so for you to feel as though you can’t follow through with some of your holiday plans must really upset you because you worry about letting them down. You are an incredible big sister with a deep love and caring.

That being said though, I think it’s okay if sometimes plans change. Sometimes things happen and perhaps you can look at the current situation as an opportunity for your little sisters to learn resilience and adaptability/flexibility, which are both great life skills...

Sorry, I’m not sure what plans you have in mind other than the home movies. Can the home movies still go ahead?

Your first post made me smile 🙂 It’s my absolute pleasure and privilege to be able to be here for you and to be with you in spirit...the honour is all mine...

I looked up what a blue and black willy wagtail looks like, and they are precious little creatures. So I’m rather flattered that there was one that reminded you of me 🙂

Of course I’m sending my blessings and love, whether it’s through blue butterflies or little willy wagtails, I’m always with you in spirit.

Love always...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hi Pepper girl and everyone

i am super freaking out about monday, my nerves are starting to get the better of me. i know it needs to be done but its really not making it an eaier to deal with. im going to make tomorrow busy so im occupied and hopefully that helps abit...



Peps- im sorry its taken me so long to get back to you. The past few days have been rather horrible and busy.
Over the past few days we went shopping, and to the cinemas as well which was ok but the pain is rather dreadful atm. Some of the things happening includes, getting a prive for my car to get fixed which will be 200 but a lot better than suspected, pops car broke down, my aunt being really fussy and hard to deal with in regards to a blanket she wants made, (im up to the 4th attempt now) and I havent been sleeping which I know isnt helping at all.


I am so terrified of monday, I wish I could skip it but still have the extraction. I know it needs to come out but bloody scared as all hell.


Tomorrow will probably go pretty slow but ive got quite abit to do including the horses, washing, abit of house chores, and groceries as I know im not going to want to do them monday or tuesday so can take the days off and can pass the time tomorrow as well to be occupied. Daylight savings start here tomorrow as well so monday will go rather fast.


My sisters have been ok with the changes, its more the bordeom of sitting at home which I dont blame them. They did have a ride that day though but I didnt do any running just made up some fun acitivites to do like grabbing a toy off a barrol. Just some different things.


Aww your the best online sis arent you. Yes I like those little willy wagtails too, they are really cute, pretty colours (not to meantion blue 😉 ) and they are so tiny too! I often see them when im having a bad day and they popped up while I was having a really bad day but not long after I had posted here the other day.


Love hugs and Dusk till Dawn
BW
xoxoxoxox

[startingnew]

oh also i got an email on friday to let me know ive been accepted into my course and can start whenever so ive set up my tafe account and will have a better look tonight too.

at least thats some good news!

[Peppermintbach]

Congratulations, Butterfly Wings!

I’m so happy for you and very proud too. That is wonderful news, and really well deserved....

You sound pleased (as you should be), and I’m really hoping that you’re feeling proud too 🙂

Let us know how the course goes if you like but no pressure of course 😉 Only if you want to...

I’m sending you unlimited (and proud) big sis hugs, blue butterfly wishes, huge smiles and much love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

oh, i hadnt realised my posts only just popped up

thank you for the well wishes Peps, i am happy to have gotten into the course. ive had a look and it is heaps more advanced than my previous one!

[demonblaster]

Wow SLD congrats with the course.

Just a quicky darlin, up to date and will bbl, have a headache edging it's way in so best to choof soon

SLD really be careful lovey with shopping, suggest ask them to pack your bags lighter and hun carry them in batches rather than all at once although I imagine the pain will tell you same.

Honey keep focused on the relief you'll have with that horrible tooth out.

Willy wagtails are gorgeous aren't they, special meaning for me. It is a gorgeous Blue.

Put one of them with their dainty little dances in your dreams tonight sweetheart.

You'll be ok Starts, better than ok, lifes starting to turn at last for the better.

Happy for you lovey 🤗❤💗⚘

oh and thannnk you for the choccys sweety girl and for popping into mine too.

Love and 🕊

[Guest8901]

Hi there SN. I have been meaning to post here for a long time, but you are a little difficult to find at times. But I have found you now.

I'm pleased to hear that the pain you've been experiencing can be attributed to the torn intercostal muscles, something which is relatively easy to remedy. Please do as you've been told and rest up, no lifting, no overdoing things ... allow it to heal. Hopefully the pain meds will relieve the worst of the discomfort in the meantime.

So tomorrow is almost here - your op day for your tooth extraction. I can see you are understandably worried about it. Try to stay calm and think of all the benefits to having it out and all those associated side effects over and done with. Temporary pain, but long term gain.

Hey what good news being accepted into your chosen TAFE course! Well done to you. Its wonderful how you continue to do all this, despite the many obstacles which keep presenting themselves to you. You really are an inspiring young woman, and I commend you for your tenacity.

Sending warm wishes your way. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, as you undergo your procedure.

Hello to your lovely support crew here as well. 🤗

Amanda 💜