Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Ggrand]

Hello Startingnew,

I think unlearning things is very very hard s, but not impossible, you can do it Startsingnew , it’s again all to do with out thoughts, if you think about it we are our thoughts, We need to relearn to re -train our brain to be happy, like little children...Everyday for children is a new adventure, If you can just watch your younger sisters or any young child their zest for life and enjoyment is new adventures each new day for them....

I’m sorry your bbq wasn’t good for you...Its not fair, I think .(.well it happened with me)..the more we do for people the more they expect of us..it’s like they take us for granted...knowing that we are always going to do what we are told to do or asked to do, we become there gofor, Little butterfly, please be okay....

Stay strong little butterfly, I hope you get some peace today...you so much deserve it..

big love and some soul hugs..( taught to Peppy by Deebi, then taught to me by Peppy)....💜🤗..

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Butterfly Wings (waves to all),

It seems you’re feeling low too. How about a gentle but still squishy hug?

All that manual labor sounds very tiring. Also I’m slightly concerned because I recall you have quite a few injuries, sores and pains...I’m glad you at least get a day or 2 off.

It’s such a relief to at least get 1 of your meds sorted. Fingers crossed for the other meds!

I think some of your employers sound a littlle slack...they should be paying you and not you making a financial “loss” at work. That’s an awful situation to be in...

Thank you so much for the beautiful well wishes 🙂 Yes, it has been a busy week at work for me. Too much to do and not enough time. Lol.

I did see a gorgeous white butterfly on Tuesday. Saw the shadow before I saw the butterfly, and she made me smile. I’m pretty sure that I already have saved your avatar somewhere 😉

Much love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hi Everyone


Thank you for your wonderful posts, as always they mean more then I can say. Things are really tough for me atm with many things happening like the things at work, caring struggles and my own doubts, and a few other things. I spoke to my gp who really didnt seem to care that I was struggling. Again got shoved out the door but did talk about the hormone issues and she sent me for bloods. Her response was if theres something wrong ill ring you if not then just come in when you need. If nothing shows she will be sending me off to a specialist and thats kinda worrying me a lot.


Hi SL
thank you for keeping an eye on me. Ive been keeping an eye on you too, I just dont have much to say and find it abit overwhelming atm to post on slightly faster moving threads but im always reading to keep up with the news.
Things are really hard for me lately, things are built up again.
Im going to contact them on friday if she hasnt paid me then itll be a month. It seems to be becoming a regular thing and I dont really think its fair on me...


crocheting is really helping me to cope. Im in the middle of making 2 blankets. Both different techniques but I like them both and they are different colours,
please dont apologise for not replying to my posts, I get it. I know your here for me in spirit too.


My sleep has been dreadful laely, I got to bed early and get around 2 hrs but then im up most of the night. On and off on and off. It really drives me crazy. My toe is a lot better now. I can walk on it properly. It still looks alittle out of shape and swollen but its not painful and cause its soft tissue it can last up to 6 weeks for swelling etc but its improved heaps so nothing to worry about.


Love and hugs
xoxooxox

[startingnew]

Hello little angel GG


thank you for you love and care a always. I know its not impossible but it definently is hard. I dont expect things to happen overnight but it is pretty tiring.
Your right, the more people give, the more others take. It can be hard but its also the expectaions now of myself too like ive been doing it for so long that the internal expectations are hard to beat too.
I am trying to stay strong but it is so hard sometimes. The most peace im getting is when im crochetting, sometimes ill sit outside too but its been windy or raining here lately so havent done much of outside things.


Love and hugs
xoxoxoxox




Hello Peps my sweet online sis,
aww thank you, I would very much appreciate a squishy hug, ill return one back to you.


The manual labour is very tiring indeed. I am saving my hand as much as possible though like only using it when I need to so when weeding I really only hold the bag open with my bad hand and take breaks too. Lack of sleep isnt helping though.


It really is an awful situation, my reputation is also on the line. I dont want to stop looking afer the horses but its hard when im not getting paid which is the whole point of taking up the second job. Ive even reduced the price for them. Its a lot of addedd stress too because I hate asking or chasing people up. Ive only got 2 clients now one is really goos but the other is shocking.


Lol, yes I understand that feeling quite well! I hope you find some time for you too maybe some artwork..


im so glad you seen a butterfly! Thats just me floating past to check in on you


Love and hugs and 'Dusk till Dawn'
xoxoxoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Little butterfly,

Im sorry to hear about your gp, not seeming to care. I really don’t know why half of them even become gp if they don’t have any care or a compassionate soul...

It’s so good to hear that you are still crocheting, and your doing 2 blankets at once, very well done....are they going to be blankets for sitting on the lounge to put over your knees or blankets for your bed. If it’s okay to ask...

Just sitting with you tonight, little butterfly 🦋...I’m needing company as well, tonight...

love and hugs...💜🤗..

Grandy...

[startingnew]

HI little angel

come sit with me on the couch with the heater on. we are watching the cooking channel atm. um im not sure on the intention behind the blankets, they will be the size of a single bed so it could be put onto a bed or just wrapped around on a cold night. im just enjoying making them.

much love and many hugs xoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

Your squishy hugs are amongst the best. Thank you 🙂

Work does sound very exhausting. I’m glad you’re doing your best to spare your injured hand.

True, I agree that it does defeat the purpose of a second job when your employer is really slack with payments. I feel it’s so unfair to you...

Oh yes, I would think that word gets around quickly in a small community like yours...I feel it’s so unfair because you’re the one not being paid on time yet if you were to drop this client, your reputation might (unfairly) suffer...

Thanks for checking on me 🙂 I love seeing your butterfly messengers and friends. They always warm my heart...

Much love and gentle big sis cuddles

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hello sweet Peps and all my lovelies here


Just a quick update from me..

the past few days have been hard and i became really suicidal to the point of wondering what i would say to them in a letter and what item i would leave to them. im past that now though thankfully.


I contacted the client who owes me still, I havent heard back from them yet however I have decided that this time is the last time ill be so lenient. This is now the third time its happened and I dont think itll be the last. I know it might wreck my reputation but there are 2 sides to every story so if it comes back to bite me in the backside I can always share my side.




Ive started doing my charity work again. I colelct items and put them together in packs for share the dignity. I know im not great financially but the handbas get donated to me and I just fill them so I just fill them slowly each fortnight till its time for them to be collected by the company.


Ive also decided to study again. i have been speaking to a careers advisor through headspace the past 3 weeks (they have a counselling section and then the study support section) and we have been speaking about studying, and what i might like to do. i also found out depending on the price of the course they will pay for it. so this morning when i spoke to her, she said that i got accepted into them paying for my course if i chose to go ahead with studying.

i have decided to go ahead with studies, and have started the enrollment process through TAFE. i wasnt going to, i was going to wait but i find i am stuck in this rut of i am not actually doing anything to improve my future and that is starting to get to me. the more i think about it and my current situation the more suicidal i become so im hoping that this will help me get through abit more of the sticky stuff. Kind of like having a goal to work towards and getting a certificate at the end so its not 'pointless' either. can start putting some of my brain to good use.

i have a rather horrible cough though, im hoping its not a chest infection like last yr! that was really dreadful ad was almost hospitalised. my teeth are very sore again, i may have another infection judging on the pain levels, headaches, gland pain and just feeling abit off.

ive been still crochetting though and i think maybe in another 2 or 3 days i might have completed my first blanket

sending you all much love and may hugs

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello little butterfly,

I am really so very proud of you being Ble to control your harmful thoughts and move on...Extremely well done....Your our little butterfly Startingnew, were all here helping you along your journey, so that one day we can be witness to one of the most beautiful things in this word,,,That’s you little butterfly, spreading your wings so wide and so proud with so much joy, peace and laughter because you kicked beadty in the butt.... it will happen, I believe it will.....for you and all of us...

You continue to blow me away Startingnew, congratulations on beginning to do a course at taffe , you will do wonderfully, I know because once your mind has a glimpse of that light at the end of the tunnel you directly head for it..you have want in you sweetheart and that’s all it takes to be successful in your new taffe course...want of s better life, a better future..you can and will do this too, little butterfly..🦋...

Im so really sorry that you have a horrible cough. Please Starts try to get to your gp ASAP and get them to check that you do not have a chest or teeth infection..

I hope you enjoy your day today and get a chance to fly accross to a big beautiful tree, and just sit under it and check out what Mother Nature has planned for today...

Love with lots of caring hugs..💜💜🤗🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Love back at you sweetheart, so so glad you've pulled out of that hole. You are so much stronger than what you think. (( hugs ))

Wow you've really started to turn things around, so happy for you. That'll be a great distraction studying and as you said a certificate in the end. Well done following through, you were thinking a while back on doing study.

The charity work again sounds really good.

Agree with our beautiful Grandy that the sooner you can get to the GP lovey get on top of that chest before it gets a hold. Dagh teeth hurting again not good chooks. There's a potion in a tinsy wee bottle from the chemist that helps with toothache might be worth a try but I'd check with chemist that it won't interact with any meds hun.

Stand your dig with these employers you're not putting in the hard yards for the sake of it. Doesn't sound like a good arrangement at all but power to you finding more work and getting stuck in especially with so many sore areas. Hope your hands on the improve still

Loven that your enjoying the crochet and nearly finished your first rug, nice going. Keep you nice and warm too I imagine while it's growing. Be good variety for you doing two types of patterns, so won't be far off for your second one I'm guessing. Colours so important in our lives, nice cause you can work with ones that make you feel good. Maybe you could do some beanies or scarves for the charity bags. Up to you SLD 🙂

Glad your toes on the improve, soft tissue does take some time to heal. Very painful sounds nasty.

How's your new car going, did you get the minor repairs sorted ok.

Ok sweety girl, look after yourself and please ring the lines if you're feeling that low again you poor darling. You know we're right here with love for you

Nigh night loves, Oh Starts don't know if you've seen another sleep method on Doolsys "Sleep" thread it's to do with Stairs. And again nice colours too.

(( xx ))