Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

thanks Paul

i really appreciate it

[startingnew]

major anxiety today!

[Sophie_M]

Hi startingnew, we hope your anxiety has lessened a little since your last post.  Our members here are very worried about you, and we're concerned for you as well.  The forums can be a great source of support when struggling, but it's important to remember that we cannot provide immediate support here in a crisis.

Many of our members have experience of self-harming behaviour, and we encourage discussions where members can discuss broadly how to manage those urges, and the feelings that lead to self-harming behaviour. It's not so helpful to be dwelling on the detail, however, and it can be triggering for other members.  

We would really encourage you to utilise your offline supports and strategies when self-harming urges occur rather than posting on the forums.  This is not because we don't care about you, but because we want to ensure you get the right support at the right time, and help you to establish some healthier behaviour patterns; there is a limit to the support we can provide here through the forums.

Your new thread about inspirational people is a great initiative and we hope we can see more posts from you here about what works for you during the times you are feeling well.  These times may feel few and far between at the moment, but treat each one like a seed that needs to be watered in order to grow.  

We would also encourage you to get involved in other threads on the forum, especially the lighter ones in the BB Social Zone.  Distraction can be a really useful technique when feeling distressed, whereas rumination (dwelling on the negative thoughts) only helps to entrench them further.

We hope the rest of your day goes well.

[startingnew]

i went to see my gp today and she really wants me to continue my psych sessions and continue to see her weekly as well as my psychiatrist.

she did give me something to think about though but im not really sure how to answer it as i really dont know.

she said to me im finding in very concerning that it seems im psuhing the health professionals away as in her, psych and psychiatrists as im really not wanting to go to them, she asked me why is that but i dont really ahve an answer as i dont really know why

does anyone have any ideas?

[Starwolf]

This, dear Startingnew is a question for YOU to answer. Figuring our real motivations (behind excuses, delusions and other false explanations) is part of knowing yourself...a long but fascinating journey.

Please keep in mind that you are not to blame for something you are not aware of.

Now that your GP has brought this to light, why not ask your therapist to help you find the answer ? This is what psys and counselors are there for...working with you as a team to resolve issues and answer tricky questions.

Kindest thoughts.

[james1]

Hello startingnew, I just wanted to echo starwolf's comment that it is okay to not know. I also don't know why I do the same thing. I have put off my GP appointment endlessly and while I want to open up with my psychologist, i find myself often unable to. And I don't know why.

But it's certainly something worth bringing up, talking about, and even just accepting that it probably won't be solved just yet. A lot of the time, we have these weird little walls in our head and it takes a very long time to first find them, then dismantle them.

James

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew, James ! and All,

As a child, I would reach out to people but push them away at the same time. I don't know why, but it is something I do as an adult as well at times. Maybe it is a sort of protection strategy.

Hopefully you will be able to work out why it is that you find it hard to attend appointments and most importantly find ways to ensure you do attend and allow yourselves to talk openly to the psychologists and therapists.

It isn't easy, but it is certainly beneficial when yo can do this! It may hurt but it is helpful.

Startingnew can you try to write down one thing that you enjoy or are thankful for each day.

Have you tried writing a list of things you would like to achieve this week or next week?

A friend told me once that the way to find a light at the end of the tunnel was to go there yourself and light a candle. It is a start.

All the best, from Dools​

[Just Sara]

Dearest SN;

Sophie, Star, James and Mrs D have given some wonderful advice for you to 'start anew'. The best way to help yourself, is to put one foot in front of the other, and begin your journey.

You've got to really and truly want it more than anything else, so recovery outweigh's the fear. The old saying; "Feel the fear and do it anyway" must've come from someone who's been there and succeeded, because that's how we all do it; one small step at a time, sometimes by the skin of our teeth.

This thread contains great idea's and suggestions to help push through each day. I wish you well hun. I hope to see you around the forum on lighter threads.

Sara (hug)

[NAG]

Starting new,

wow!! Wow!! I'm the mum of disclosure of the same first thing 1 word WRONG... there are many more but hey) not you the act and the person who did this!!! Starting new great that is the absolute best thing you can do... as for real life I have nothing to say it's just never never ok... to live with this is the greatest burden as I found out as a mother... I wish I could go back and save my girls from this ... just know this WRONG doesn't cover any of it but please don't ever blame you!!!! It's all on them!!! I know that you said it was dealt with but I know as a Mum it doesn't matter.... the residual effects are ongoing forever.... I have no great words of wisdom I just want to hug you like I do with my girls and let you all just be whatever you want at the time!! Stay whatever it takes to get you through... my heart hurts for you!! Thinking of you my brave being!!

[startingnew]

Dear Starwolf and James

i dont know how to answer it, im starting to think maybe im overexagerating and that my mental illness doesnt exist. i cant even answer a simple question. i dont really want to go back to my therapist. i dont know whats wrong with me, maybe im just a freak