Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

Dear Dools

i dont know what im doing. in my mind im not really pushing them away, im just not sure i can deal with everything. i probably can do that list, obviously some days are harder than others. i usually combine the good and the bad in my journal when i write in it. i dont write lists of achievements, i usually jsut do a weekly schedule of what needs to be done

[startingnew]

Dear Sara

im already sticking one foot in front of the other, i literally take it minute by minute each day. i dont know maybe i am just a freak and a liar like everyone sems to think i am

i am trying, maybe im just not trying hard enough.

i answered your questions about SH as well btw

[startingnew]

Dear Nag

i wouldnt wish this to ahppen to anyone thats for sure but maybe one day my story will help others come forawrd too and make their life better as well. dont worry i can feel your hugs through what youve written.

im not brave, im a freak, and a liar according to other people

[Doolhof]

Hi startingnew,

One thing I have learnt is that we do not have to live up to the negative titles other people give us.

It seems very easy for some people to think the worst of others and have trouble to give any kind of credit or thanks.

That is their problem, not yours. Maybe you have lied in the past, I certainly know I have. That doesn't mean I will always lie. Same with your comments about being a freak. We are all unique. Not one of us is the same as the person next to us.

Writing down both the positive and the negative can be beneficial as long as you don't sit with the negative for too long and let it overshadow the good stuff in life.

Would you like to share a positive from yesterday or today with us?

My positive is the lovely walk I had early this morning. I could hear the birds, see the changing colours in the sky, and on returning home I was very pleased with myself for going out for a walk before it became too hot for me.

Hope your day goes well for you!

Cheers from Dools

[james1]

Hey startingnew,

I don't think you're a freak or a liar. Possibly you lie, but you're human. We lie, we make mistakes, we sometimes implode a little bit. But we are still, all of us, human and sometimes it really really hurts.

A quick story:

I went swimming late last year and stepped on a sea urchin. I got all these spines stuck in my foot, some pretty deep. I tried to get them out straight away but couldn't and eventually the skin healed over. I wouldn't notice them unless I started running. The pain could be pretty bad when I ran, and would linger. The spines slowly got pushed back closer to the surface and I knew it was time to get them out. I have to say, digging them out was a super painful experience - more painful than running with them in - but I got them out, and now I can run with no pain.

That's what it is like with mental illness. Sometimes you just have these things that you bury deep inside so they are numbed mostly, but certain triggers will bring back the pain. But they can't stay there forever, and just like digging my sea urchin spines out of my foot, it will hurt much more to dig up these painful feelings, but once you get them out, the relief will be immense.

James

[startingnew]

well i havent had the best day Dools but i can name a postitive for yesterday and that was i managed to get myself to my gp

and today i finished two of my drawings that ive been working on

thanks James gives me somethign else to think about

[Just Sara]

Hi again SN; I'm still here...

Firstly, I want to thank you for answering my questions. It was my mistake for being so intense; I'm really sorry. You answered honestly and openly, so you've done nothing wrong. It was me who overstepped my boundaries...an important lesson learned by me. Being annoyed at me is justified ok..

I've been trying so hard to help, but was frustrated and upset by how difficult you've been finding things. Feeling 'helpless' is one of my PTSD triggers, so when I saw the details you gave, I became sick with worry; that put me in panic mode. I never for one moment thought you were a liar, it was the opposite...too real.

This isn't about excuses; it's about me forgiving myself for my mistake, asking for your forgiveness, and both of us creating a fresh start. What do you say?

For the record, I'm so proud of you for the way you're approaching life atm! Your words are more positive and hopeful...and; it took guts to confront me like that. Well done!

I sincerely apologise for my negligence. I would never say anything to hurt you intentionally.

Humbled...Sara x

[Doolhof]

Hi Starting new,

It is excellent you were able to go to the GP. Congratulations. I know that can be a hard thing to do at times. Hope the appointment went well for you.

Would you like to share something about your drawings? I was thinking last night of getting my colouring and drawing stuff out. You have encouraged me to do so, thanks.

Today I have been out in the garden again. The previous owners made some bricked steps that lead to no where in particular. The bushes were all over grown there so I cut them back this morning. I might put a chair at the top of the steps just for a different view of the garden.

I might even draw while sitting there and see what inspires me.

Cheers to you from Dools

[startingnew]

Im not annoyed at you Sara, nor do i think your negligent AT ALLL. you were the first one to step in and help and as you said sometimes those questions have to be asked and so i answered them. i told you i would answer anything you asked. im sorry i triggered, not my intentions at all, so im sorry for that.

i have nothing to forgive you for netiher do you but if it makes you feel better for peace of mind, i do forgive you Sara

Hi Dools.

My drawings are inspired by nature. i draw creatues of nature more like butterflies, caterpillares, flowers, garden layouts and things like that. i usually find pics of the internet and then try to copy the layout and then add my own colours etc to it. my gardens are inspired by the support i have on here, i often draw a faew butterflies in my nature drawings

[startingnew]

Oh Btw i get the same way and am dealing with the same thing as feeling helpless right now