My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Hi paul,

I appreciate truth and experiences of others.

I have been medicated for 20 yrs.

Seen a myriad of specialists and psychologist.

I was wrongly diagnosed multiple times, used as a pin cushion and repeatedly had medications changed without the time or understandings needed for me individually.

The brain is an amazing thing. I have learnt more about myself on this forum since October then I have in the last 20yrs.

I am able to realise every trigger I have and who I am as a human. Major depression/PTSD/Manic/bipolar/psychosis are truly all my symptoms.

Manic- exssive exercise/following my personal expectations ie. Running my own business with little rest on top of single parenting a gifted child is a trigger to Major depression. I only need one massive major depressive episode to damage my brain for at least 6months.

PTSD - will trigger an emotional wave - then repeated depressive episodes- rapid cycling the major depression will set in.

It easy to understand how so many wrong diagnosis were given.

On top of that I am super sensitive to medication changes, this triggers psychosis or psycophrenia. If that's not a word then I just invented it.

So when I was asked how I was feeling about the meds 2 weeks later I had no idea what I was saying. Then they would change the meds.........roller coaster of hell. This happened for at least 6 years. Lost of my life. Time and minimal meds plus exercise, continuous low leave to be best for me.

Still there is no blame. Science and understanding of the human brain is best left to the creator. Hence my spiritual quest.

I find abundance of profoundly interesting history dating back to Egypt satisfying my hungry of mental health.

I don't relate to psychologist who have no understanding of me. I haven't found many challanging ones anyway.

I do appreciate your honest and friendly evaluation of my experiences. Even giving me your own thoughts and personal guidance.

Even after all that....I am still open for opportunities to grow and change.

Please don't feel as though you need to rush your response. I understand things.

Your a living legend. Truly

Peace

Matt.

[blondguy]

My apologies Matt

Ive just read your post....

You are a strong person and thankyou Matt. Please ignore my query on my Anxiety thread....Now I get it...

I do know that we are both heading in the same direction >>>>>>>>> Recovery 🙂

Peace Back Matt

Paul

[1113]

Peaceful Gratitude Paul,

I am absolutely honored to continue to support this community. My mind is made up.

Thank you so very much for your kind words and understanding.

If there is anyone who needs support, dont feel confident enough to start there own thread or anyone who feels like a chat, just pop in here and I will reply when I can.

Anytime!

Plus I'll catch ya out there when I'm free

Peace

EA Matt.

[Guest_9809]

Hi Matt. You really are one of the truly good guys! How lovely of you to be thinking of all 'us lot' when you are going through such a difficult time yourself. I wont burden you with my troubles, but look forward to seeing you out and about when you can. I hope your son is doing well, and that Amber is keeping you company.

Stay safe and well. I'll be thinking of you.

Taurus xx

[1113]

Peaceful hello Taurus,

ditto.

Your support to me and throughout the community is a blessing.

I'm super happy you found solid ground under your feet.

If you ever need an ear, Im at your service.

Enjoy life

Stay well

Peace

EA Matt

[1113]

philosophy

the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence, especially when considered as an academic discipline.

The original meaning of the word philosophy comes from the Greek roots philo- meaning "love" and -sophos, or "wisdom." When someone studies philosophy they want to understand how and why people do certain things and how to live a good life. In other words, they want to know the meaning of life. Add the suffix -er to philosophy, and you get a word for someone whose job it is to think these big thoughts.

Is there anyone around that wants to talk about that?

Im not up togetting out of my box tonight, but if there is anyone around willing to talk about that then im here.

Peace

[1113]

Feel free to pop in. I don't bite.

I will check back in in about 10 minutes.

I just reading about the Jordanian codices,

It's quite interesting. It about books found lead ones that date back before jesus. But no one can understand them because the code is not broken yet.

Some say it may change the way we see the world as we know it.

That we all come from the same religion

And that would change the view of the world.

Can anyone relate to that?

[1113]

Wow ok then.

Philosophy is really cool. Its very good to try and get your head around.

I find those with mental illness very philosophical.

This forum and the trends of discussion are all about philosophy.

Everyone is challenging thoughts, beliefs, and trying to understand others all at the same time. Everyone has different mental issues. Well I think they do anyway.

To understand philosophy or be philosophical one must not judge, because in philosophy everyone's opinion is right and wrong at the same time.

Philosophy is more about understanding and throwing thoughts around to find the meaning of life. Which btw no ones has cracked yet. It tends not to label things as its a never ending or changing mentality.

Is there really no one around that has an opinion?

I see them flying around all the time

Peace

[1113]

Philosophy and Mental Health. ... The philosophy of mental health - also called the 'newphilosophy of psychiatry' although it is not narrowly psychiatric - is a rapidly developing field developed by philosophers, clinicians (e.g. psychiatrists and mental health nurses) and mental health service users.

Im Sorry i couldn't help out on the new threads tonight, I didn't feel up to it.

Maybe tomorrow

Peace out

EA Matt.

[Guest_9809]

Not a problem Matt. You dont need to leave your 'safe box' to help others. Even though nobody responded to your posts last night, it doesnt mean nobody was reading them. Nor does it mean that you werent helping others. Just by noting that someone else is present, can be a help to others. So please dont discount the help you are providing, simply by being around. So thankyou ...........

Sorry to hear that you werent up to visiting other threads just yet. But as you say, maybe tomorrow. You would of course be most welcome to visit my thread any time. Speaking of which I havent updated it for some time, I must do that today when I find the chance.

You sound as though you are gradually getting over your latest 'episode' which was sparked by PTSD to do with things that happened around Christmas time. I'm so glad, and I look forward to getting the 'old Matt' back again. Thanks also for responding to my enquiry on the Pet Thread. It helps, as I really dont even know where to go to find out rules and regulations as far as transporting pets in our car.

Peace to you also Matt, and I wish you a lovely day today, and an ever improving week, month and year ahead.

Hugs to you.

Taurus xx