My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[blondguy]

Hey Matt

I took last night off and watched a creepy new movie The Witch.....ewww......Rated MA

Great reply to 'No Hope' by the way...on another thread

I hope your day is good to you Mr Matt 🙂

Paul

[1113]

Peaceful hello Paul,

My day has been pretty good. Felt so good I went to the movies. Now I got knots in my stomach. Going for a long walk soon.

Cortisol is a steroid hormone, in the glucocorticoid class of hormones. When used as a medication, it is known as hydrocortisone. It is produced in humans by the zona fasciculata of the adrenal cortex within the adrenal gland. It is released in response tostress and low blood-glucose concentration.

Walking meditation fix it 👌

I don't feel ethically right talking about the other point in your post. You never know who is ready. I do hope it's not bad news.

Peace

Matt.

[1113]

Peaceful hello Taurus,

Thanks for the caring support.

I'm having longer periods of normality.

I stayed out of my comfort zone today for 4 yrs without any major dramas.

I can suppress it for that long atm. Then I got to walk it off. The more I keep up routine the better.

I would be honoured to visit your thread. When I have some free time, I'll read through it.

I'm not up to thee new thread area yet. I think it takes clarity to be aware of different approaches to the multitude of current issues.

I really like philosophical approach. It leaves no areas of discomfort for new posters.

Have a good one

I'm off for my walk.

Peace

Matt.

[1113]

Hi Paul,

If your around later I wouldn't mind picking your brain...so to speak. I probably be awake around 1 to 130 am. For a few hours or more. The more understanding I achieve the better sleep I get.

See if you can call it. Your probably the only one able to.

I'll keep to here. I've seen the future, philosophically thats is.

Peace

Matt.

[1113]

Philosophy 22/1/17.

Angel number 22

The Angels can see the positive results of your prayers, and they want you to have patience and stay optimistic while the final details are being worked out in heaven, this is an urgent call from the angels to "keep the faith"

The word faith has always been a religious word. But it really isn't. It's like love, another word from religion that past the test of time.

My philosophy is faith or belief. Religious or not.

I believe everything has its place in society, all be it, some important words have been lost in the test of time or associated to the wrong belief system. Maybe a community like Christianity decided to own a word. Maybe a 1000yrs ago.

Here is some philosophy for the day,

What if we are looking at mental health completely wrong?

What if we have been told to believe something that is not right?

Who would like to philosophize?

Its open for anyone to have an opinion.........

I will leave it open

Peace

Matt.

[1113]

I'm going to reply to myself. After my walk I feel inspired.

What if instead of the word "disorder" it was changed to "achievement"

How do people feel about being labeled a disorder?

How does "Post Traumatic Stress Achievement" sound?

Do you think society would veiw it differently by wording it differently?

I personally don't see people with issues as a "disorder" in fact to conquer that is it an achievement.

Anyone have a veiw on this?

Peace

[Guest_9809]

Morning Matt. Great to see that you are feeling inspired after your walk.

I love reading your philosphising, even though I am not great on that particular talent myself. Which is why I have not contributed to those discussions up to now.

However I will comment breifly on the labelling of mental health 'disorders'.

I agree with you that the term 'disorder' can sometimes seem somewhat demeaning. If you look up the definition of the word it says - a state of confusion; the breakdown of peaceful and law-abiding public behaviour; an illness that disrupts normal physical or mental functions. So ... is that accurate for any, all or some so-called mental 'disorders'?

Yes probably it is. But it also leads to public perceptions, which are often far from accurate. And hence the societal misunderstanding of mental health to a large degree. Of course the public's awareness of mental health issues is becoming much greater these days, which is fantastic.

But for those of us who have a diagnosed "disorder" it is daunting to know that you will forever be regarded by those who know, as that person with a "disorder". For that reason, I am yet to disclose to anybody else the fact that I have been diagnosed with PTSD. Or Matt, perhaps I should say PTSA? To date the only ones who know is my psych and my GP. And you good people here on BB. But I know I am amongst friends here and people who understand, so thats okay. But the wider community? No .... I think not.

Like with all things, labelling can cause us to think we have a 'disorder' and we start to believe and act out that disorder. It can cause us to accept that we will never be right, and therefore not try to do more to recover or improve our lot. Perhaps if the label was something with a less negative connotation, then we may be more inclined to do more in that regard. And the general public may be less inclined to write us off as a lost cause.

Peace to you too Matt.

Taurus

[1113]

Well said👌 Taurus,

The good thing about philosophy is you don't need a degree.

But you passed with flying colours.

I full understand your veiw and appreciate your words.

I'm not the best with words. So I keep it short and sweet.

I think maybe there should be an award or like in the army a strip added to your uniform, so to speak.

Maybe after a while the Drs can label you with other words for eg;

Post Traumatic Stress General.

Post Traumatic Stress Legend.

Post Traumatic Stress Champion

Etc etc.

Anyone else have any veiws?

Peace

Matt.

[blondguy]

Hey Matt

You are spot re ethics on that other thread. I just thought I would pass on a compliment. I hear you, the less said the better.

Matt said: What if we are looking at mental health completely wrong?

We probably are looking at it the wrong way sometimes. This is my 34th year with mental illness. Its only opinion but I really think its no different to a physiological illness. We still dont know a lot about the brain and in the future they will look back at our time and call them the 'dark ages'

My older brother had schizophrenia and self terminated years ago. Those voices he heard were real to him and I am more than convinced that the chemical imbalance involved makes it a physical illness. We just cant see it. My depression is also based on chemical imbalances and possibly genetic links as well. Upbringing too.

What if we have been told to believe something that is not right? Interesting point Matt. The docs usually get it right, the only beef I have is the huge amount of labels being thrown around with different sub levels (names) of each varying degree of a type of MI. I think that we have to keep it simple as possible to help us help ourselves.

Just for me I find if I start to analyze things too much it can sometimes make my depression worse. I have been practicing being aloof with my depression (and years ago with anxiety) which works because 'it doesnt feed the fire' where the symptoms are concerned. (being 'gentle' to ourselves)

The Chairman of BB (Jeff Kennett) once said on radio that Depression is one the most badly named illnesses on the planet. He was spot on.

MI is bad news, we all are aware of that. It sucks.

Keeping it simple.....'I have invisible crutches' and take meds like a diabetic would

Great points Matt (and feedback from Taurus too)

Good news though 🙂 Anxiety attack severity does decrease with regular therapy (and meds if prescribed)

kind thoughts

Paul

[1113]

Hi Paul,

I thank you for your excellent words and I appreciate your well knowledged Backround. I personally have little interest/ knowledge in the depth perspection of the all the little details. Probably because I have no experience except experience, if you catch my drift.

I'm sorry for your loss of your brother. I feel for you. It's good you can express that without to much trauma. Peace.

If it makes you feel any better........I'm all about bros. Its nice to be able to have differences and be able to still exist as friends. Etc. I never hold any grudges and life is to short for that stuff. We all need to push past the fear of differences.

Thats why philosophy is so good for mental health.

If everyone had a general understanding of it, that would make the whole thing of discussion easier. FYI - thats just my philosophy. Not pushing my beliefs on anyone.

I find this spiritually uplifting. Like trying to push for society acceptance for future generations. My kid and my kids kids.

Mine is part genetic and also environmental too.

All good points.

I truly enjoy our chats, its opening up my partly close mind. I love the training.

Peace

Matt.