Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Croix:

I think, you are finding I am jumping all over the place. If so, you are correct. My mind is jumping all over the place. One thread is good for one thing, another may be more suited for something completely different. This thread, I guess, is my dumping ground/journal, but with people & invited, to jump in with comments or questions. It is helping me to be clear or clarify some thinking, which I think helps to settle the unsettled mind.

It does take me a while & lots of words to get to what is deep in my mind.

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I like being distracted. Moreover, I do not want every minute of every waking hour to be solely focused on my breast cancer, & what may lie ahead.

I'm trying to not slip into some deeper depression. I'm trying to not allow my anxiety take over & overwhelm me every chance it gets.

I want to help others, reciprocity, I guess, for the help I have found here.

I really don't like to see someone in need not having at least a welcome, even late at night/early morning. Perhaps more so then, because these people have so much going on, they are not sleeping, but posting onto BB. Like me!

I’ve had enough of people not even acknowledging my needs, so I don't want to 'ignore' someone else, tired as I might be, my eyes swimming & my mind feeling blurry too, I still want to say 'welcome'.
Some people manage to reach me more deeply. I feel I would like to be with them more, & respond whenever they need a response. It's not always possible, though, & I realise I might not be able to do that much for a while.

When this tiredness I’ve been feeling comes on, it does so quickly, & I can barely think, or so it seems. I know I can’t offer a quality response while I feel like that.

There’s a few people I want to be here for, no matter what, so is it ‘good enough’ to simply say ‘hello’ -I’m not really happy with that, but rather than risking saying something inappropriate, maybe missing the point of someone’s post, because I’m so tired I am not comprehending what I’m reading, I would rather just let them know I’m not far away/someone IS here.
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I know, there’s more than you’ve asked. I’m trying to organise my thoughts.
mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty

I was a nurse long ago and we were trained in helping vision impaired people in hospital, but I admit the training was different then and much more patient care based rather than technical as it is now.

Interesting you had issues with VA, recently I had them contact me about my monocular vision and the girl I spoke to was rude and no help at all.

Little Sam is well and as I write this sitting at an outdoor Cafe he's busy snuffling down pieces of my raisin toast! At least he will stop me from getting fatter!

Do you have a date for your hospital admission yet?

There is lots of wonderful music and talks on utube, I use that a lot now.

Sam wants his walk so I must go. Thinking of you! 🙂🐕🐾🐾👍

[mmMekitty]

I have the first appointment with the surgeon, in two weeks, & I suppose she will tell me more then, when & everything, I hope.

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Monocular vision could certainly restrict your visual field to one half, & effect depth perception Have you seen an Optometrist or Ophthalmologist? I'm not sure they can do anything about it, but probably refer you back to VA!

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Raisins huh? I'm not sure dogs should be eating raisins/sultanas/grapes. I think they were on the list I once had, warning of all sorts of food & plants unsafe for cats & / or dogs.

Great to be getting out & to a cafe, though. 😸

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty (with a wave to Hanna3)~

I guess having a mind jump from one thing to another is not such a bad thing at the moment, quite apart from the fact it is to be expected.

My local public hospital has free WiFi, not great but good enough for email and things that are not graphics intensive. Maybe you'll strike it lucky. Talking of email I find it easier to compose in email and then paste it into the text box, the predictive text and editing seems better.

Naps are necessary, don't begrudge the time , it is well spent.

Just a greeting is most useful, though I suspect you are going it be able to do more than that, you have a pretty good grasp of matters (if paws can grasp that is) even when tired.

Remember if you make hash of something just report your post and ask the moderators to delete it (explain why)

Forgive me if I side-track a bit. Talking of paws I remember as a kid arriving in France to go to school. I boarded with a family which had the most peculiar cat, it was a tiny tortoiseshell, but had truly impressive sized feet, dunno why.

Actually Paris seemed inundated with cats, all over the streets and markets. You would think they would be scarce, after all the war had not been over all that long.

Parisians ate better than British just then. I remember coming down the breakfast with the radio going. The everyday French language was far removed from what I'd learned at school in Britain, which was essentially useless, had to start from scratch.

Still breakfast was a treat, soup bowls without handles full of milk coffee, bread and butter AND jam! Even better were chocolate sandwiches -though they were not breakfast fare

Another glimpse another time perhaps if you want.

Croix

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

I had a bit to read to catch up. I’m tired too but I have had fatigue at various times and it seems you may be experiencing fatigue. Time for kitty to have a full physical and look for reason. Not good to blame stress for everything but if nothing found then time to listen to some smooth jazz music. I know you mentioned that you liked jazz.
Cabin fever is a real thing have you been inside avoiding the rain and floods. How’s the weather in your area. Good for ducks here.
Hope you have a restful evening 🥰

[mmMekitty]

Hello everyone,

Not feeling so tired, I thought today was better.

Later I went out shopping with my helper for a few things I saw online. I need to try on the clothes, & you can't do that online. Maybe one day, there will be Virtual Reality Fitting Rooms where you can try on from your own home! That could be cool, if it works, but not goo accurately, or you might get stuck in a virtual top much too small for you & not be able to turn the thing off!

I did find a few things, for when I do go into hospital,& won't feel embarrassed about my tatty clothes. 😼

We were both surprised how long this took. I thought we'd have time for two shops at the one location, but didn't.

& it was near the end of our shopping that I became tired again. I felt like I hadn't slept in three days, & thought I must be babbling while she drove me home. & I was hungry again, so I had to eat, before trying to rest, (& I had a bowl of vegies at lunchtime.). I enjoy a few late afternoon/early evening tv shows, & 'FOMO' happens, I guess. While I was trying to rest, at least, & listen while putting my legs up, I kept dozing, & startling myself.

Suddenly I hear a sound, & I'm not sure these are real sounds or from my brain, or from how sound distorts when on the verge of sleep, & that startles me. Sometimes a flashing light, cool & white like that from a phone, in synchrony with a few sounds, (I don't recall what sounds), or I simply see flashes of light & think it's my phone, even though the phone doesn't repeatedly flash light in short bursts like that, & I've reach for my phone, only to realise it is not actually where the light seemed to come from.

That's really annoying, like imagining I've heard my phone's ringtone, as if someone is calling, but no one did. That's when I change my ring tone.

Mum Chris, didn't you suggest 'smooth jazz' in another post recently? Yes, I like smooth jazz & don't have enough on my phone.

I'm not at risk of being flooded. The heavy rain last night wasn't washing in at the base of the doors. It sure was loud! (I'm so glad I am not upstairs. I think that amount of noise would've been intolerable for me last night.

I've made a time to talk with my GP tomorrow, & will ask about this tiredness, & if she said what sort of breast cancer I have.

Not much more tonight, I think. & I'm not promising I will be around much tomorrow, after talking to GP & PDr.

Warm regards, to you all, including Sam & other furry friends. 😸 hugs all round!

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Oh, Croix, I like the little happy moments. 😸

When I started high school, my (ex-)stepsister almost three weeks younger than me, decided, we were not going to share classes, & put herself down to learn French & me to learn German, thinking that would do it.

Her plan didn't work very well, because of the school's own administrative mess up, & we ending up in some classes together. She'd be at the back with her friends trying to be as disrruptive as they could, while I was expected to sit at the front, so I might have a chance to see the writing on blackboard. some classes I could just read it, other not at all. For science wewere a class of 52 kids to 4 teachers in the one room, & no teaching got done. I borrowed one of the teacher's books to learn anything. My (ex-)stepsister held onto the books we our parents told us to share. Not that she wanted to learn, but thinking I would not, & therefore I could not get better grades than her.

She learned very little of (possibly the same useless ) French you learned, while I had done quite well learning what may have equally been as useless a form of German.

For younger people reading, I was in high school in the mid 1970s, & no other language courses were offered.)

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At the Migrant Hostel we stayed at when we first arrived in Aus, we were sometimes given sandwiches with chocolate sprinkles. Good on a warm day, when they had melted - sort of My parents were not thrilled we were given these, & were perplexed by having warm milk on those 'wheat Soggies' as I call them. Made them go soggy in an instant, while cold milk let you have a few bites that crunched a little. & we didn't put warm milk into our porridge either, just cold & preferably, brown sugar. Other people thought we were strange.

Thanks Croix. I'd be happy to hear more. 😻

mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

Hi,

My mum was a migrant and she used to eat slices of apple and sultanas on white bread maybe she got that at the migrant accommodation they were at for about 9 months I think. I never ate any of her weird sandwiches and I dont like chocolate hazelnut spread on bread either. I ws never one for fairy bread which is closed to what you were fed I suppose. Now cucumbers and butter on thin white bread YUMMY.

I am having a sooky day today. I want to curl up in bed and hide from the world.

Happy cat icon emoji here (i cant find them)

[mmMekitty]

I have my days when I want to curl up awhile, not so much all day anymore, but still, oddly it is usually a Saturday or Sunday, & I could easily spend most of the daylight hours just resting, perhaps listening to soft music, or I'll leave a book playing, but not really listening to it, & drift in & out of sleep - until I have to get up for one reason or other. I risk being up way too late when I 've allowed myself to do this. Living alone, I don't have to consider anyone else, so it is really easy to allow myself to not face a day.

Some mornings, when I know I will have to get up, but when I've waken & immediately feel miserable, I will tuck myself in again, & say, try again, & snooze a little longer, & begin my day again. Often it works to 'start the day again', because when I wake the next time, I don't feel so miserable

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😺If you are using Windows 10, & bring up the Emoji panel, just begin typing: cat, & you will see the various cat faces & others below. Or you can borrow mine, by selecting, copying & pasting what you copy wherever in your own Reply to a post text box. That's how I do Jo's red hearts,because somehow, . the red hearts in my emoji panel don't turn up looking red. So I use Jo's. I think Jo doesn't mind my spreading them around.

In fact, I think I would like to find some for you know.

💨mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Here I am again, with armloads of these ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️for you,Mum Chris. Keep thee in various places, such as, under your pillow, in your pockets, in your desk drawer, amongst the lounge cushions, anywhere where you might need some love & care.

mmMekitty