Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Morning, Mum Chris,

I hope you slept better last night.

I'm sure glad you were treated well, & you recovered. 😻 & gave them a hard time! I think they would understand, & accept some 'recalcitrance' from patients who are not feeling well, so won't be in good moods. I'll try, of-course, to not give them a hard time, but the way I am more easily irritated & grumpy/cranky makes me think I can't guarantee I'll behave myself all the time.

Thanks so much, What you explain about touching is so helpful. I didn't know that about the doctors touching feet. I did volunteer work at a hospital & some volunteer workers would go around & offer to massage feet or hands to patients. I understood for many it was most welcome. It was done gently with a little lotion, & always with permission.

*

Hey Croix, do you recall writing on 29 Oct:

"Dear mmMeKitty~
Of course I've longer teeth, after all the last puddy-tat with comparable dentition became extinct around 10,000 years ago.“
Oo did I tell you how old I am?
Or that I am not extinct?

I certainly will try to talk to my helper & emphasise how important my personal space is to me. I have to remind her already about boundaries. It is her way to make light, to even say things that imply I am not being nice if I refuse to allow her to cross professional boundaries. I am, in a way, glad to have to deal with this, because there is so much I do like about her. I would usually go away, find someone else or do without, not even attempting to resolve the problem. Just avoid it & be worse off as result. Even a failed attempt is of use to me; trying is better than not trying, eh? You are right about that.

😻 VIRTUAL hugs to both of you! 😻

more later, 'cause I write oo much, & have had to cut this one in half.

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear Not Sabre Tooth Tiger

In a recent post to you I remember I wrote in your place I'd grasp opportunities so as I had no regrets (or something similar)

It just occurred to me you might have been thinking I was suggesting a course of action in medical matters, I was not. Far from it, those sorts of decisions are yours alone and I'd be impertinent and unfeeling to suggest anything in that arena (and would resent anyone trying).

While I had something in mind it was more to do with things related to your abilities, things like getting yourself not to be touched when you did not want to.

Actually it may not even being a question of outlining professional boundaries with you carer, maybe just it has an adverse effect as you cannot anticipate, makes you jumpy or similar.

I don't think you write too much, fun and wisdom is combined

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Croix, what you wrote is fine. & thank you.

& for Mum Chris & Croix, here is what I wrote earlier (now a little edited(:

Even though my memory is rather erratic, & I don't seem to be taking information on board as easily as I once did, I still feel a strong need to be informed, to know what is about to happen & why. If there's going to be adverse effects I might anticipate, how long, all of it. I suppose it gives me a sense of control, even if I don't really have any because I'm not the doctor administering the treatment. I'm not the pathologist, not the nurse, not the anaesthetist, not the pharmacist, physiotherapist, occupational theripist, especially not the oncologist, & I have to yield to their care, & trust, & that's difficult for me.

*
Last time I was in hospital, I couldn't maintain control of my usual meds, I got cranky when they came with them either very early, or late, & not in keeping with my schedule. & they didn't even want me getting up & going to & from the bathroom by myself, even though the two were just a few paces apart. I felt as if they thought I was thoroughly unable to do the smallest thing for myself without causing major damage or destruction.

I'm sure I will be in for some time, don't know how long, nor do I know how many people are going to be around all the time. I would love it if I had private health insurance, & could ensure I had a private room. I felt very uncomfortable in a room with only 3 other patients, & didn't sleep at all well, which was why I wanted to get up so often...anyone might think I had a bladder problem, but really it was 'nerves'.

I felt at sea, not knowing where everything was, how to call for help, how to work the tv, (& the sound was awful through the small speaker on the remote), & not knowing what people did with my things, no sense of control, that's what it comes down to.

I've been at sea before, without a dinghy, stormy weather & all, so fearful & uncertain, feeling things are out of my control. These experiences have shown me, storms pass & I get through.

Now, I need the support, but if I admit I will get through this storm, as I have before, I fear the support will disappear. & I'll have to go through this alone, too.

mmMekitty

P.S I have an appointment at the hospital for Dec 14!

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

How about asking your helper to make an appointment with the hospital social worker and you can discuss your needs and what happened last time. Hopefully they have an occupational therapist that can engage with you while you are in hospital and help with tv operation and getting around and with thins to keep you engaged.
Will sister visit?

The medication comes when it comes but this time you will have nurses that are quick with meds and will do more rounds than a regular ward. I got moved to isolation when I got infection and they kept forgetting the chemo pills that I had every 4 and 7 hours and I needed to have with yoghurt or peanut butter and they never did that. Soooooo slack.
There’s nothing good or easy and it’s frustrating being locked up and at their mercy 😩 it crap. It can take a while to get treatment booked in so you may have a bit of time to get used to it. Outpatient treatment is better you just have to sit and wait a lot.
im sure you will be able to pur your way to a reasonable treatment and if not the claws will come out.
I’m sure you’ll traverse this with thoughtful caring and be a support to fellow room mates.
🐈🐶🐸

[Croix]

Dear meeMekitty (wiht a wave to Mum Chris)~

Mum Chris has given good advice, and I've not that much to add except to say you do still have a modicum of control

Do you mind if I offer a few thoughts?

I always found its better to use honey than claws when dealing with most hospital staff -you can always go to claws later if you need to (I'm not talking real claws, one of your natural advantages, of course 🙂

Getting a clear comprehensive briefing is of course the to do in advance, and as has been suggested, a scribe or a recording might be usefull if the mind gets overloaded.

Even in public wards it can be really OK, I've been in medical, surgical and psych, so have had a variety of experiences to draw from. I've shamelessly used disability to import frowned on items, I'd imagine a phone and charger at least, unless allowed anyway. Not much good for the Forum with a small screen -any ideas?

A freind of mine had his carer come in as he had trouble eating, can you get yours in from time to time too?

Mum Chris' ideas of hospital social workers and OTs is a pretty good one, allies never hurt.

All the time you can reach here there will be support (cross flippers and ... etc). Hopefully sister too.

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Thanks you tow - you would make an awesome team! 😺

Dec 14, is the appointment to meet the surgeon, actually, & I've already checked out her website, blog, & other info she puts out for her patients & carers & family. It is impressive, & up-to-date. The receptionist who had called mentioned how Dr 'Surgeon' also refers patients to a Breast Cancer Service. They are also up-to-date, even having n article up there about booster vaccines for breast cancer patients. Booklets & factsheets are also available, as well as an online support network, too.

I realised I hadn't ask what the precise diagnosis is, because breast cancer is not a single disease, it is important to know kOf ! Well, duh, I thought, I knew that , didn't I?

That's the first thing I want now, to know exactly what the diagnosis is. Then I could look at what path is ahead. No jumping to conclusions about anything.

*

Well might I fantasise about all sorts of things, which I doubt I would ever do, so the claws remain sheathed in this scaredy cat.

My phone & charger are sure to be on my list of items to take with me. As for coming onto the forum , if I am given some time & a quiet place, so I could dictate a brief essage, which would turn up terrible looking, no punctuation or anything, I might be able to work it. Would give me something to do? & if I get really frustrated with my Phone, some people may be entertained. OThat ould be a wonderful/awful challenge for me, too!

What could it hurt to try?

I could also try asking to see their social worker, & occupational therapist, (thanks Chris), & see how they might help.

There's other resources on the website, & when I know more I can go dip in & find relevant information.

Why can't I buy long sleeve, long leg length jammies in summer? The hospital will be cool at best. I'm going to end up wearing my long sleeve t-shirts, an over-sized t-shirt & leggings that don't fit, or have threads pulled?

I did discover that post-surgery, a supportive bra, wich is comfortable, is needed & the site mentioned where some can be bought, from $12, to nearly $100. mmm?

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

We've being talking about practical matters, one way or another. That's just fine if that is what you'd like to do, however not everybody does, at least not all the time.

So "dealer's choice", what would you like?

We can indeed go into what is facing you, that's one possibility, and some people really appreciate it.

From previous remarks I could take a guess at your origin, but will leave that for you to confirm or deny (just like the CIA). I found (as you can see from my happy memories thread) I found a fair degree of pleasure in casting my mind back to happier refuges from my past life. Is that something you'd like to natter about?

Nonsense in Croix Parler? Or even serious discussion on philosophy (yes I've discussed Sartre et al here)

I can see you help others here, would you prefer to concentrate on that?

Or a mix?

Croix (the obliging walrus)

[mmMekitty]

I don't know what I want, Croix. Sometimes I don't want to think, but can't stop. I get so f***ing tired I don't want to eat, but must eat something, or I can't sleep.

I do want facts & reliable information, but not sure how much I will retain, anyway. I don't like feeling so uncertain, & having to go with the flow, when I feel I should be taking some control of what is to happen.

There is so much I don't know. I would be very pleased if I do manage to share anything I learn along the way.

& I can't name my surgeon or her website, or the other website, which look very useful, with information for patients, carers, family, & friends. There is so much out there which is out-of-date, or not well informed,, I'd like to help people avoid going down the not so useful paths. So when I do come across information which seems particularly accessible & well researched,, I'd like to pass it on.

So, I need practical, to work through what I am thinking, done via writing TO someone, not just to myself, so I welcome feedback, comments & questions alike. Specific questions & clear comments that show if what I wrote is making sense, if I've forgotten anything, gone way off into too much speculation - I can see that in responses. I can continue to do the fun stuff, I think, but, as interestde in philosophy as I may be, I don't feel on solid ground, 'cause I forget so much of what I hear. & think this memory of mine is really getting worse.

These practical things I can do now help me to feel less like a cork in the ocean. Now I am a raft with a pair of oars. It's so big, wide & deep, I dare not look to where the horizon might be. Just what is immediately around me, what I can reach.

More later, again, my writing so much it does not fit.

Virtual hugs to all,, 'cause my virtual furry arms can reach all the way around, even with that Walrus in the mix! 😻

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty

The nursing staff in the hospital should have had training in caring for a sight impaired patient but I suppose it's a good idea not to count on that.

I googled it and Vision Australia should be able to give you advice if you ring them. The hospital should put labels on medication that you can read with your fingers, they should offer you a corner bed, orient you to the room, etc.

Can you take along music to listen to via earphones?

I have a friend who used to work in the garment industry. I complained to her I can't find full length pyjamas and she said this is to save fabric, they make the leg length short now, which is super annoying!!

I think you'll have to be outspoken about your nerds in hospital!

Phone and charger for sure!

It's not easy in your situation to have to deal with all this. Keep talking here and get as much support as possible. I see others such as Mr Croix are being most helpful!

It would be great if you could post here while you are in hospital.

Hugs from me and Sam here! 🙂🐕🐾💖

[mmMekitty]

Hello Hanna & Sam so happy to see you here.

I suppose the ¾ sleeve is also a cost saving exercise. I don’t like them either.
I have had issues with VA, but I suppose I’ll phone them again. Really it depends on how long I would be there.

I will be using my iPhone, music, & I can listen to the few books I have on it. I do have to watch my data usage. I will try to see if I can manage to get onto BB logging in, navigating, & filling in the text box, these are things I have not wanted to do on my iPhone. At best, it is tedious. I will try to take notes anyway, & hopefully use them later.

Whether the nurses are specifically trained to assist blind people or not, I’m not sure they have the time. I’m thinking my helper will be able to come with me that first day, & I’ll ask her to help with at least some of that ‘orientation’ stuff.

Maybe the hospital has volunteers who would help? Something else to find out.

How’s Sam - the sweetie?

mmMekitty