In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

Simona · ‎21-01-2016

Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps. My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking. Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS. And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there. I have no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me. I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!". I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat. Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD. So far today I'm ok i think. I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair. A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok. I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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Simona · ‎21-12-2018

Hello Monkey and thanks for thinking of me. I hope I didn't worry you too much. I'm doing a okay. Been away healing. As you already read on your thread I'm currently on Xmas leave then it's back to the psych ward.

I can't wait until I'm home for good.

This latest stint back in hospital is because I flipped out and rang my partner crying telling him I'm going to do myself in. Well he dropped everything at work and came home. Don't know why I wanted to do myself in but the urge was fierce. Look I better not be at home I said to him. Best I go back the MHU . So I self admitted but that soon changed when they seen the extent of my unwellness. They took away my freedom. They took me off my medication and introduced new ones. They made me sign my life away. That was ridiculous - asking me for my signature before starting me on a new medication. Heck what do I know. I'm mentally ill.

This new drug they had me on was hardcore. I got sick from it. My heart. At one stage I asked doc if I'm going to die from it. They pulled me off it really swiftly and o boy I was a mess. I couldn't talk properly and I was drooling from excessive salivation. Had the shakes really badly too but they were more worried about my heart and certain numbers being too high.

Simona · ‎21-12-2018

The latest: they finally found an antipsychotic which in the grand scheme of things is like a wholesome glass of milk. I didn't have to sign my life away. I tolerate it well and so far no side effects. This is given as a depot once a month in the arm.

monkey_magic · ‎21-12-2018

Geez they have put you through the ringer. How scary. I myself find it hard to trust them and their drugs.

I tried doing myself in which is why I am here- still colouring in lol.

It makes me so proud and happy to know u had the strength to overcome your anorexia that is massive so a huge congrats 4 that.

U r also being proactive in your recovery so another great achievement.

Welcome back chicka 😉

Simona · ‎22-12-2018

Thank you Monkey : ) Yeah I'm actually healthy as my blood tests show.

In hospital I have asked to please don't let me see my current weight. So the nurses help and I avert my gaze to the wall - anywhere but the scale.

Wilma1 · ‎22-12-2018

Hi Simona, good to see you making progress after such a hard time. Hospital isn't easy. I've been in and out a few times over the past few months. I hope the new medication works for you, it's really hard finding the right one. I hope your Christmas goes as well as can be expected. Thinking of you. 💗💕

monkey_magic · ‎22-12-2018

Anywhere but the scales lol. I felt the same as I'm gaining weight in here. Hey, there's a downstairs cafe and I had a dirty chai. I've never tried it before but rem u talking about it so I gave it a try. Still prefer my Gloria Jeans though.

Hi Wilma. Hope ur OK after all those hospital stays. It ain't a walk in the park....I'm currently in one, almost 2 mnths- let me out already. Night ladies,

MMx

Wilma1 · ‎23-12-2018

Monkey-Magic, sorry to hear you are currently in hospital. The dirty chai sounds good. I tried one also, back to cappuccinos though. Take care of yourself. 💜💕💜💕💗💗

Simona · ‎23-12-2018

Hello Wilma : wow I haven't seen you in ages! Now I'm thinking of your little dog on your lap : ) Sorry to hear you too have been in and out of hospital. I call it the revolving door. I hope you're feeling somewhat settled now and I wish you a peaceful Merry Xmas. I'm not doing much. On Monday I have to go and get my depot. Then I go back to hospital on Boxing Day.

Wilma1 · ‎23-12-2018

Yes Simona, a revolving door is such a good discription of our hospital stays.

My little dog is as faithful as ever, and on my knee. Lol. How are your furry family and the kids???

I hope your Christmas goes as good as it can. Sorry you have to go back to hospital, but sometimes, it's the only way to stay alive. Lots of these for you. 💛💕💜💗💕💛🐾🐾🐾

Simona · ‎23-12-2018

Speedy and Cupcake are no longer kittens. Speedy loves sitting on partner's lap because he adores the pats but he doesn't do that with me. Cupcake isn't fond of pats or scratches. She sits outside my daughter's bedroom door and she will sing and sing until she's let in. Then she will jump on the bed and make a nest of sorts.

Our little dog is well and happy. She's the centre of attention again now that the in-laws are home again.

The children are well. Miss 11 and Master 13 just want money for Xmas. Master 19 is travelling up from the city because he's spending a few days with his dad (my ex husband). I hope to catch up with him because I have only seen him once this year. He just doesn't visit so his bedroom has now become a storage room. Boxes of toys the children no longer want etc. We should have a garage sale though I'm just not good with meeting/greeting new people. I get paranoid .

Love the hearts and the paws - thank-you : )