In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Quercus]

Hi Simona 😊

I'm glad to hear you get your car tomorrow (freedom!). I'm in total agreement of loud music in the car... I love it too. Lippy and chai and handbag and loud music... Sounds like a good day to me.

Mmmmmm spaghetti. My favourite. I load it with veggies too hubby picks out the zucchini so now I grate it because the kids started copying him.

You're doing good keeping on trying to eat. It's a shame you're trying to frighten yourself though. Have you been able to find any others on the forums who are managing anorexia? Maybe they will have some positive ideas.

What kind of dog do you have? I have a german shepherd. I'm sorry your community hasn't welcomed you... They're the ones missing out. Good part of having a mental illness is (I think) we tend to be more accepting of others. What about sending a text to one of the hospital friends instead? Or email. I'm useless on the phone! Always have these gaps where I just nod along and am quiet and make the other person feel uncomfortable. Am very thankful for text messaging!

❤ Nat

[Simona]

well my blood panel is almost excellent. Just low on iron. And my weight is holding steady. I had a little mince last night.

One of the reasons I just laybuyed a $300 bag. So I'm compelled to stick around and reward myself come Christmas.

My little dog is a mixed breed. She's a terrier (my little 'bearded' lady lol) I used to have a long haired German Shepherd X Collie and he was a big beautiful golden maned bear who actually smiled : )

I don't have any other contact details except scribbled names and mobile numbers on scraps of paper. I can be so shy...except when I'm in psychosis and then I'm crawling on the floor or thinking I'm Morgana the enchantress Thing is, I don't remember much from hospital like the people I met. I recall being hugged and that's all. But I look at numbers and names I don't recall faces and I think who is this person??? Are they my friends?

[Simona]

And today I was told by my MH worker that she had a consult with the psychiatrist and they are not going to enforce medication. This made me smile. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so non compliant anyway or because I'm presenting well. I do feel however that the ECT has done something. Usually by now I'd be around the bend but I'm still functioning.

[monkey_magic]

That is really good news. It made me smile as well. You feel better without them and now that choice has been granted. Yay!

[Simona]

celebrating with a few cruisers : )

[monkey_magic]

Have one for me....they make u feel gooouuuuuudddd...!! Enjoy your celebration!

[Quercus]

Hi Simona,

Congratulations on your good news! It was really lovely to read! Bloods good, weight stable, ECT doing something... All good things! Yes you definately deserve the new bag 😊.

I can see why you haven't wanted to contact others from hospital if your memory isn't clear.

Ohh long haired Shepherds are gorgeous. There were a few long haired pups at the breeder where we got ours. Hubby put his foot down and said no... Too much maintenance. Then I saw my pup off adventuring in the garden chasing bugs and was a goner 😁. Did you feel like that too when you met your "bearded lady"?

How are you feeling today? I hope today is a good day for you.

❤ Nat

[Simona]

Hullo there : ) yeah my memory is scrambled eggs. I couldn't even remember having a partner. He tells me he would call me and I'd ask him are we actually together? really? Or I'd call him and ask why am I here? did you boot me out? Are we still together? He would visit once a week and I would look at him blankly. His face looked familiar but I couldn't grasp he was connected to me. Oh it's you I would finally say. The man who calls me honey.

My little terrier was a surprise gift to the family. I didn't choose her. I didn't find her particularly attractive but she has grown on me and now I love her.

I'm feeling ok. Going on a long country drive tomorrow to see steamboats

[Simona]

No facetime. No pics.

[Simona]

So anyway iv'e been pre-occupied with facebook. This is the time of year when wer'e nudging December I begin stalking people from my past. Busy times. So iv'e looked up this guy who's a singer living in Canada. I'm quite possibly his biggest fan. Iv'e touched base. I want his autograph so badly. I want to put it under my picture of Christ. It's been 2 days so far. I'm getting abit agitated. will send him another message soon.

I will write more after