In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Simona]

Well I didn't end up drinking as much as I thought. 1 cruiser went down like 2. And I felt adequately sedated and so stopped at the 1.

Yes it's been a beautiful day. I thank God I'm here and I feel him with me. I decided to turn to prayer to combat the tortures of my ocd. So instead of relentless showers etc I whisper the Lord's prayer as many times as I need to

Thank-you T.

[Wilma1]

Hi Simona, I'm not around much, but wanted to pop my head in and say HI!!!

I do the shower thing also but run out of hot water, gets me out every time. Just a thought, have you tried goat soap???? I find it really mild. There is also a goat shampoo. Chemist warehouse have some varieties if you live near a chemist warehouse that is.

Anyway, just letting you know I'm thinking of you, even though I don't say much. W

[Starwolf]

When the going gets tough, thank goodness for coping strategies (whatever they may be). Kudos for being proactive and distracting yourself in a spiritual way...A win-win situation.

So they failed to fix one of your teeth...not very professional. I hope they get it right soon.

I'm on the mend, though slowly (recovery is always too slow, isn't it ?). The brain still feels like it's gone AWOL so I'm limiting my interactions until I can make more sense.

I thank God that you're here too.

[Wilma1]

Simona, I'm listening to my favourite song at the moment. Unfortunately it's not on utube as its quite old. I thought I would write out the words hoping it helps you as it does me.

My child I knew you before the world began

I was there every time you wrote your name in the sand

And lately I know you've been through quite a storm

But child I've been there since the day you were born

chorus

And I rule the wind oh yes and I calm the sea

And the sun doesn't go down til I say it can leave

And as sure as My word I'll stand here right by your side

And if you're just too weak to go on

Remember Child

I'm your strong arm

Im your strong arm

Now people will wonder and they'll stand amazed

They'll say you're a miracle and I will be praised

And even though your pain has been so hard to bear

Just know that I am with you and there's no need to dispair

chorus.

[Guest_9809]

Morning Simona. I am really glad that you managed to stop your cruisers at just the one the other day. Medication definitely means that alcohol has a greater effect than it otherwise would, so keep that in mind for next time as well.

We had another beautiful day here yesterday, and I spent some time out in the garden. It was time well spent, both productive and enjoyable.

I envy your faith in God Simona. I sometimes wish I had that same faith. But I guess I'm just a bit of a cynic when it comes down to it. So if your faith and prayor to the Lord helps you to get through a tough patch, then go for it. It most certainly will do you no harm.

How lovely it is to see both Starwolf and Wilma back in circulation again. Hi you two. (-:

It must be close to being school holidays in QLD, so perhaps your children are at home this week and next? Do you have any plans for the school break? Do your children share your interest in art galleries? Perhaps thats something you may be able to do together. Although if this current gorgeous weather keeps up, some outdoor activities may be better. Perhaps take little Bandicoot for a nice long walk somewhere and have the kids tag along with you?

I hope you are managing to keep some control over your OCD Simona. Distraction and acceptance seems to be the key, and it sounds as though you are doing that as best you can. So perseverence is also important.

Thinking of you and sending my love.

Taurus xx

[Guest_9809]

Hi Simona. We havent heard from you in a few days, and it doesnt appear as though you have logged into your thread in that time.

I'm a little worried about you, hence this quick message to let you know that I've been thinking of you, and hoping that you're okay.

Kindest thoughts to you, and a greeting to you and Bandicoot from Tammie. Reassuring hug to you. (-:

Taurus xx

[Simona]

Hello dear friends I'm not in a good way. This ocd is from hell. I'm beginning to wonder if the depot shot is making it worse than usual. I managed to get out of the house to let my cats out for a walk in the backyard. Except Speedy decided to jump over the fence and run down the laneway. Managed to get him but he was being a tricky boy and darting around. Today I only had 1 shower so far (it's 5pm). I can't begin to really describe my inner turmoil. If I'm not online then you can bet your last dollar I'm in my bathroom washing/brushing OVER and OVER again. Or pacing up and down rubbing my hands together asking God to please make it stop. It sounds nuts but this is my life currently. I very rarely sit down. I have to walk or stand.

I read all your posts Wilma (What a beautiful song writer you are!) , Star & Taurus. I'm so touched by your care and concern. Thank-you. I will get better. Eventually I'm sure this will pass but for now it's very hard for me and nights are harder. I will just have to pray more. Even my partner prayed beside me in bed. Because I forgot some of the words so he helped out.

Love to you all : )

ps School holidays start this Friday here.

Sometimes I get really scared because the ocd makes me have some very h thoughts. It's just my level of desperation I guess. so I might believe in God and Jesus but I still get scared.

[Starwolf]

Hiya lovely,

This OCD sounds like a pain in the proverbial. I have very little personal experience of it. But briefly as a child, I have felt compelled to negotiate certain pavements in a set pattern (or else all sorts of nasty stuff would happen). But it was short-lived and only happened along a few specific stretches.

Later, I got into a different type of ritual. A conscious choice this time. It involved organizing a home shrine (no specific religion) with brass ornaments, framed pictures, crystals etc...I would spend time burning incense, polishing, reorganizing, arranging fresh flowers displays and just meditating in front of it. It became a bit compulsive. I often thought OCD was perhaps a form of ritual behaviour gone wrong ???

Whatever it may be, perhaps it is only a phase that can somehow (?) be kept under control enough not to take over so much of your life. Does your clinician or prescribing doctor have anything helpful to say about it ?

Perhaps the school holidays will help distract from it ? I hope it will not stop you enjoying time out with your children.

Sending warm thoughts your way.

[Guest_9809]

Hello again Simona. I hope you are finally starting to get a better handle on this OCD you have been battling in such a big way lately? It sounds as though you are doing everything right in order to keep it from overtaking your life. Yes, it will get better - it has before and it will again. It was actually really good to hear you acknowledge that as well - that you will get better and it will pass. In fact Simona, you sound very accepting of things, despite the inner turmoil you would naturally be feeling at present. Was your mental health team planning on adjusting your medication next month to try to help the situation?

Well, its Friday ... so that means school holidays. As Star says, that will probably serve as a good distraction for you, which should help with the OCD. Do you have any plans for things to do with the kids over the next couple of weeks?

You are definitely right about Wilma and her song writing ability ... she's pretty amazing isnt she? You have good artistic and creative ability too Simona. Do you ever make the opportunity to do some art or craft of any type? Perhaps something to consider doing with the children during the school holidays. Especially if the weather is cold or wet, you will be needing some indoor activities for them. I find art to be totally engrossing once I get into it. If you are the same, it would definitely help with your OCD.

I think you were going back to the dentist yesterday to fix the tooth they had a problem with last week. Hope its all fixed now.

Well, I need to go now and get some dinner happening for tonight. Just wanted to post and let you know I am thinking of you, as always.

Kindest regards and an understanding hug to you.

Taurus xx

[Wilma1]

Hi Simona, I'm hoping you are doing a little better, you certainly are going through the wringer. I'm just calling in saying hi....hi!

I'm painting stones at the moment.... I had three tries at making black paint from three coloures,blue, red and yellow...so they said... I ended up buying black..durr!!

You have the kids home for a few weeks now which you always enjoy. Hoping you feel better real soon. Lick from Maggie warm wishes from me. W