In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Simona]

Hello: )  

I have been very busy with a new secret project - been out and about with the wire-cutter and collecting different types of wire.  I will type some more but I need to get things done

[Graceeeeee]

My dear Skye

I am so glad you find my words helpful, that's what I'm here for 🙂 Thank you so much for your lovely words, my love and thoughts are with you, hope you've had a great weekend!!

With Love,

Grace xx

[Guest_5218]

Hello Simona.  We have not heard from you in a couple of days, so I thought I would look in on you to see  how you are doing.

Last I heard you were doing a project with some wire cutters and making a collection of different types of wire.  How is this project going?

When you get the chance I'd love to hear back from you.  Perhaps through the Pet thread where you can give us some more of your wonderfully entertaining stories about your dog Bandicoot or your chickens.

I am thinking of you Simona, and sending you my love.

Sherie xx

[Graceeeeee]

Hi dear!!

I just read about the project, thought I'd check on you, how's the project going, and how are you going? Hope all is well 🙂

With Love,

Grace xx

[Starwolf]

Always good to see a creative mind at work.

Chat later.

[Simona]

: /  

I have been very busy and paranoid.   I spent long weekend collecting the wire.  And i have been shredding my papers/notes, deleting and emptying cyber trash.   The wire is for art ok.  It's nothing bad like a trap.  I couldn't make a start on it because 1. didn't have time alone and 2. the paranoia.I want to say this:  i DON'T WANT my advocate.  I really don't.  I imagine an advocate is like a really friendly version of a parole officer.   Well i just want to be left alone with my wires now.  Thank-you for your concern and interest.   I'm ok just overwhelmed from all the attention from the mental health people.

no results yet from brain ct/eeg

[Simona]

Hello : )  I'm struggling to be able to post here. The internet speed is less than dialup.   The only result my dr has marked as wanting to be 'discussed' this coming Monday are my blood tests.   This is depressing but not a surprise.   I have a an untreated blood disorder and I guess my labs are abnormal again.   There is treatment but I'm too scared to take medicines.   I will see how bad it is before I make a decision.       Anyway. That's all for now

[Graceeeeee]

Hey dear Simona!!

How's your art project going? Sorry to hear you haven't had enough alone time to do it, is it a secret, I will keep quite about it 🙂 You internet is slow? That happens at my Aunty's place when we've finished using all the data, usually me watching TV shows haha.. Other than that, how's everything going? I hope everything goes well for you on Monday, when your blood test results come back, and I hope you get the brain ct/eeg results back soon too. Sorry to hear you are annoyed with their attention, anything I can do for you? Would you rather talk or have a quite hug? Either way, totally fine with me 🙂 Have a good evening Simona, with your kids and partner 🙂

With Love,

Grace xx

[Guest_5218]

Good morning Simona.  I havent spoken to you in a few days, and was just thinking of you.  So I thought I would check in and say hello this fine Sunday.

Just read your post from last night about your very slow internet speed.  That is so frustrating isnt it?  Most technology is great when it works as it should, but when it's not, I feel like just throwing it in the bin!

I see that you have been busy last week shredding hard copy notes etc and deleting cyber trash.  Well done, good job.  We all need to do that from time to time.  I am usually pretty good at staying on top of all that.  Generally called 'good housekeeping' I believe.  In a cyber sense, that is!

Sorry that you havent had the opportunity to continue any further with your wire project.  It must be hard with all the attention you are getting from the mental health people.  But you did have an agreement with these people, so I suppose it is a necessary evil.  Just one of those things we all sometimes have to put up with, at least in the short term.

Simona, regarding your comment that: "an advocate is like a really friendly version of a parole officer".  I think the important thing here is that they are friendly, and I think you like your latest advocate, dont you?  Whenever you feel totally fed up with all the attention from them, try to remind yourself that they really are there for you.  They arent against you, and they're not there to make your life difficult in any way.  They are there with the best of intentions, and are trying to help you the best way they know how.  Try to work with them.

I hope your Doctors appointment goes well for you tomorrow.  Perhaps he will discuss your other results from your CT and EEG at the same time.  This blood disorder that you have - is there any possibility that it could be contributing in a negative way to your mental health issues at all?  I dont know if it is possible, but just a thought.  It will be interesting to see what the Dr says tomorrow about all your tests.

I hope you will drop in and give us an update tomorrow after your appointment.  I hope your partner and kids are all well.  Give Bandicoot a rub on the tummy from me ......... Holly likes that, hope yours does too.   ( - :   

Talk again soon.  Keep well Simona.

Sherie xx

[Bluey_moon]

Simona Hun, thinking of you, I hope you are doing ok!