I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Croix]

Dear Music_Freak~

You are down and concentrating on the things that might have gone better if you were well. Black feeds on black. All your thoughts are channeled into the things you find hard or impossible - so you feel worse.

Just for a little while cast your mind towards the trivial, things that relaxed, tasted nice - even if a long time ago or worlds away. Think of a time you laughed and why.

There is so much more to your life than volunteering, getting up, going or not going.

I'll do you a deal, think about one happy memory from Halestorm, then go and read about my memory about Shere Khan in the Happy Memories thread. Use those as a springboard of the mind to a more comfortable place.

Showers and morning can wait.

Croix (Who copes at times by writing memories)

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for your reply Croix, I really am struggling to see the positivity in anything at the moment.

I'm trying to not stress about my appointment tomorrow and making myself drive there (I may catch a bus, but I'll see in the morning)

I'm just going to try and relax tonight, but something tells me even that won't be easy

[JimmiD]

Hi music_freak

Yay...you love music...what more can you ever need lol!!

MF... I don't even know you...but I now you are very valuable...not worthless. See...you are cared about by people who don't even know you!

Never forget that

Now you crank up that music and care for yourself. love yourself with all your being and heal yourself. You ARE worth it!!!

Best regards

Jimmi

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

I'm very sorry about your mum. Anniversary dates can be particularly emotional times. February must be hard for you.

Taking it easy tonight sounds good- a bit or R&R. Maybe try not to think too much about tomorrow. I know it's much easier said than done but maybe just take it minute by minute or hour by hour for now.

Dottie x

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for your replies Jimmi & Dottie 🙂

I made my job network/job search group appt today, it was a bit mind numbing but I made it there, by bus, but still

I talked to someone about getting a cleaning job in schools with my old boss, so I'm hoping to get somewhere with that, but don't want to get my hopes up at the same time.

Now to apply for jobs for the remainder of the week and go in to volunteer on Monday & Tuesday

[JimmiD]

Way to go MF

Looks like you're on a roll.

So what kind of music are you listening too in between all that and when you are having your well earned rest?

Any plans for doing some little thing that brings you a smile? Take in a band maybe?

Jimmi

[Music_Freak]

I feel far from being on a roll, but I did manage to get two loads of washing done (inc. bedding) and hung out.

I'm meant to be applying for jobs, so I'll do one and then maybe I might try and write a little later, after a 2:30pm shower, whoopsie.

But I'm not going to hate on or put pressure on myself for at least today...tomorrow, maybe 🙂

[james1]

I really love the Live Room version of Here's to Us. 🙂 Lzzy Hale just has an awesome voice.

[Turtle_eyes]

You are not alone.

The journey of life is not necessarilly kind, I have discovered. But it does require one thing from us, only one thing.....but that thing is to never give up.

I find it hard to comply with this request, because my mind reinstates others negative opinions of me, that make me feel low, including a brother that has constantly belittled me over the course of 30+ yrs.

I don't have all the answers, that is certain. But I can tell you that the journey of life, no matter how painfull, IS worth it.

It is organic, real, you can feel it, breathe it, experience it......and overall, you CAN choose.....IT!

We are in the grip of an amazing universe....on a small planet....gifted with consciosness....and that is scary....can we do it?

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Ahh yes, tomorrow sounds good. At the moment, I am favoring next week.

(Sorry, I know what it's like. I do hope we both get it done)