I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[smallwolf]

Hi MF,

Haven't seen you in long time. If history is any indication you will get through this period as you always have. Remember to trust in yourself.

And on kicking depression to the curb - don't you wish! I had a couple of good days last week for it to turn sour on Friday afternoon til now. I even told my psychologist on Thu that I felt good. She said that was the first time she heard me say that.

Anyway, tell me what the essay is about. I am having tea and pikelets and will do a little study myself.

Tim

[Music_Freak]

The essay was submitted yesterday, so just an open book exam to get through on the 25th...then freedom for a while, I'm in need of a break.

The essay was all about analysing Men's Sheds, the biggest part was what I would do as a social worker working for them...I just hope I passed! And did well enough to pass my three subjects this semester...I'm thinking very small at the moment...

[smallwolf]

Good luck for the assignment and essay. I know a couple of people in Men's Shed groups - could have asked me (or not) :P. And all you need to do is pass. Well done.

[Birdy77]

Hello MF,

Congratulations on submitting your final assignment for the year.

You have some time now to organise yourself and prepare for the open-book. Get those post it notes out ready to bookmark sections for easy reference. Prepare a little each day, you will be ok, just as you have been for the other things you've completed this semester. You have done well, despite your self- doubts.

How are you feeling now about the concert in December? You might start to feel more excited once your exam is done and you are a bit morr relaxed.

Try not to let the house stuff get you down... you can't do everything at once, and during semester time, study is your number one priority. There is plenty of time during the summer break to start or restart some of those projects. They will patiently wait there in the meantime 😃

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Sorry I haven't replied for a little while, been busy with exam prep. My folder is huge...

I found out I failed my first assessment today...40%. I emailed the marker asking about a resubmission, since they offered one. I just know I'm not coping and this doesn't help anything...

Can't really think right now or see through the puffy, burning eyes. So much for trying to get excited about Halestorm in 2 weeks...I just feel like a ghost or a corpse

[Birdy77]

Dear MF,

I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling - it's a blow finding out about that assessment, bit it's good that you can resubmit - people fail and resubmit all the time, so try not to feel too disheartened by this. It sucks for sure, but is a small bump in the road.

You can use the feedback that the marker hopefully provided within their comment section to address the shortcomings, and don't lose too much sleep over it, you just need to nudge that mark up to a P. You got 40% so you're pretty close.

Do you have a tutor you can talk to and get some advice from?

I guess for now your focus will be on Monday's exam. You can deal with the resubmission after then.

Keep going MF. You have the courage to get through this setback.

We're here for you. You are not alone, and this is not the end of the world.

Sending hugs.

🌻birdy

[Birdy77]

Dear MF,

I've been thinking of you and wondering how you feel after completing the open-book yesterday.

I hope you were able to feel a sense of relief that it's over.

I am also hoping that you heard back about resubmitting that assessment, and that you are not worrying yourself sick about it.

If you feel up to it, drop us a line to let us know how you're doing.

If not, that's ok, I'll send some hugs and some pats for Buddy, and hope you can have a relaxing evening.

Thinking of you.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thank you for the hugs and pats for Buddy 🙂

I did mean to post here last night, but sleep got in the way. I just spend today doing not much at all, so I thought I'd pop in here while my tea is cooking on the stove.

I'm OK after the exam, it was stressful and I'm glad it's over - too much searching for info and panic! I think I did alright in it though, should get at least an overall grade of hopefully a credit for that subject. Got a HD for another one and the worst...a P2 they're claiming, but even if it's an F1 it's still a pass...an incredibly low pass, but a pass nonetheless.

Because of that, I don't need to do any resubmitting - PHEW!! I don't know why they didn't check sooner and let me know or have something set in place in case people did need to resubmit, but their being disorganised isn't my concern. I am a little disappointed, but have to think about that I passed and nothing else until February when I go back. I'll be doing four subjects again - YIKES!!

Now trying to get organised and excited for Halestorm...I'm struggling with that even, still...

[Music_Freak]

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted in here...

I ended up with a HD, D and P2 for last semester's subjects overall, so I'm happy enough with that. I'm back to four subjects this semester and it's been rough going and my mental health and learning has suffered, but I'm doing my best and keeping the "P's get degrees" in the front of my mind. This COVID 19 stuff isn't helping (I haven't had toilet paper for weeks, if not months now), so I'm going to check out what's here about it, after I've posted this.

The four Halestorm shows in December were AMAZING!! I stayed back with friends to hang out with them after each show and they are still the best. And the drummer...just wow... He gave my instagram page a mention at the Adelaide show, so that shocked the air out of me and then he came down to the barrier and hugged me after the show. He also got me a drum head, after telling me he'd try to, but wasn't sure if it would happen...and it did. So he signed it and I got the rest of the band to as well. It's now in a frame on my bedroom wall. I also got one of his sticks and his set list. I could have had a second stick, but I gave it to a friend because she managed to record the mention/shout out and my getting the stick for me.

Anyway, I must try and get some uni work done today, so I'll stop there and go browse the COVID 19 section.

[Croix]

Dear MF (You don't use your name much nowadays and I did not want to presume)~

I may not post much to you but do follow your thread and popped in to say how delighted I was at your results, as you say passes get degrees and you have an H and an HD. Not too shabby:)

How is Buddy getting along?

This next year is probably gong to be a bit different study-wise, but I'm sure you will cope.

That concert sounds amazing, and so does that drumskin on your wall -plus being remembered so well

Lovely to hear from you

Croix