I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[blondguy]

Hey MF

You are a Star!

4 days to go until your exam results......thinking about them is understandable.....yet you have done your best and good on you! You are a serious achiever.....and thankyou big time for being a part of the Beyond Blue Forum family too (thumbs up!)

You Rock MF 🙂

My best always for you

Paul

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Paul 🙂

I'm trying to keep my brain occupied so I don't think too much about exam results...

I think I have finally paid the $1,000 debt my dad left for me when I kicked him out last August. My rent deduction with Centrelink has reduced, so I hope that's what it means. The extra $25 per fortnight will be great 🙂

I was also able to start one uni subject early (8th of January instead of 26th of Feb). It was offered in an earlier study period and one of the friends I message is doing it then, so I'm hoping that it helps the stress levels next semester.

[Birdy77]

Hi MF,

Well done clearing the debt that was left to you ... what a burden, and you've seen it through.

I'm glad you're keeping occupied, just a few more days til results ... how's the old astroturf going? And the neighbour?

It's awesome you've made these mates at uni, and doing the subject early with one of them might create a further bond ... told ya you'd make friends!!! Patience my friend!!

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

We'll see about the friends, we're still chatting, so that's something.

The neighbour is the same, drives me nuts normally. My psychologist says to ignore them, but I'm still working on that. I can tell not engaging bothers them, but the living in peace feels good.

Haven't put any astroturf down yet, I had to fix the screening after the wind flopped it. Neighbour laughed when I went out there to inspect and seemed quite happy, laughing and ranting at me when I took it down, thinking they'd gotten to me or I'd failed. Only the joke was on them when it was back up the next morning reinforced with freebie timber from a building site. Neighbour can't stand it but I don't care. It's there so they can't see my front yard and to keep Buddy safe (they've already thrown him over a 6' fence, was not happy!!)

Front turf will go down when this upcoming heat passes and I'm sure the grass/weeds are dead. I'm hoping I'm up and mobile early enough to sew a curtain tomorrow.

[Music_Freak]

No sewing...was too hot. I'll do it when it's cooler.

A bit peeved because I was told not to report neighbour, they're too busy apparently. It's amazing how little they could put up with when I put everything on them...just more motivation to get out I guess...

Uni results are out tomorrow, I'm dreading it...have the feeling I'll not make the cut and fail, but I'll see in the morning...

[smallwolf]

MF,

Just remember that whatever happens you have done the best you can. Even though I have confidence in you.

And I notice you seemed to have made friends as well. And cleared a dent. These are all accomplishments YOU have made. Be proud of yourself for what you have, are and will achieve.

Virtual high five,

Tim

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Tim, I am pleased with myself just a little bit 🙂

My main reason for posting is: UNI RESULTS ARE IN!!!

Group Work = C. Applied Psychology = C. Brain Development in the Early Years = C. Governance and Citizenship in Australia = P1.

I really thought I'd do worse, particularly in Governance, that was mostly P2's for assignments. I could've done better of course, but it also could've ended up worse. I'm happy with a GPA of 5.

[Birdy77]

Congratulations MF!

That is great news.

Now you can relax for a while!!!

Very happy for you 😀

🌻birdy

[smallwolf]

Well done! (See, you can do it!)

[Music_Freak]

Thank you Birdy and Tim...you were always cheering ne on during my uni terror and doubts. You'll never know how much I appreciate your posting encouragement here, almost constantly 🙂

I'm going to relax for the weekend and get back to my to do list hopefully mid week, after appointments and things. I've got a little less time now, after enrolling in a subject starting on 8.1. so better move my booty 🙂