I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I will just end up with a Bachelor of Social Work. Don't know what area I'll go into yet

[Music_Freak]

I have been feeling sick and miserable the last couple of days...neck has been sore and stiff (a bit better today), flu like aches and pains, scratchy throat, a bit of a cough. Just feeling generally YUCK!

I've barely revised for group work exam Friday (started today, will finish tomorrow). I doubt it's enough, but it's the best I could manage.

Please just let me pass...I don't want to have to repeat any subjects...

[Birdy77]

Dear MF,

I just wanted to wish you the very best for tomorrow.

It won't be long and it will all be over and you can relax for the summer (and look after your body, it sounds run down, maybe from stress).

You have done so well this semester, getting through everything with courage, and way out of your comfort zone.

Be proud of that.

Get through tomorrow, then treat yourself to something nice (and something extra for your birthday next week).

Hang in there brave one.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thank you Birdy...you've helped me wonderfully this semester, don't discount that either 🙂

I've just got power back after being without it for about 16 hours, so stressful!! It's back now and trams are back running to get me to tomorrow, but I have a headache...so no revising. It is an afternoon exam, so hopefully I have a bit of time tomorrow, I'll take my notes with me.

Neighbour is also giving me grief about stuff I know I didn't do. I have a screen to put up since I can't even stand out the front with Buddy without her starting - I can't wait until it's up!!!

I'm daydreaming about buying a place again and leaving this hell for good. I'm just so anxious about passing exams...

[Music_Freak]

Not at all confident about my exam results...yesterday felt like a fail, I couldn't remember a lot of anything.

I was on the verge of tears, so just handed it up as it was, and got out as fast as I could.

I feel fail grades coming...and I don't find out until the 8th.

I also have no hot water, heater packed it in yesterday as well. Going to ring up and report it today

[quirkywords]

Music,

I don t know many people who come out of exams saying that they felt they did very well. Most people like you think they have failed, I used to be like that.

I would have post mortems saying why did I forget that, why didn't I answer that question etc etc.

Very normal post exam behaviour.

You have done so well this semester and overcome many of your fears.

Can you relax now till the results come out , maybe do something you really like doing.

I hope the hot water gets fixed soon.

Quirky

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Quirky 🙂

The hot water heater is fine, the pilot light just went out during the storms here earlier in the week.

I'm working on my front yard currently, slowly but surely, putting a screen up on my grief giving neighbour's fence. Then I'm going to put weed mat and artificial turf down. It's not stuff I like doing, but wanted to do over the uni holidays, so should keep me a little distracted while I wait for results.

I have an appointment with my psychologist Monday as well. Was meant to go to the dentist Wednesday, but low on money so I will change that and hopefully get in before Christmas.

The best news is that I think I've made three friends from uni, we got talking post exam yesterday and seemed to hit it off and have been chatting on fb messenger since.

[Birdy77]

Hi MF 😊

Wishing you a very happy birthday 😊

I hope you will do something nice for yourself today. Do you have anything planned?

I'm so sorry this time of year is hard for you, your bday, Xmas, and coming up to Feb... I hope you can take extra care and treat yourself gently.

I was so pleased to hear about you clicking with a few people after exams ... have you still been messaging?

Have a lovely birthday MF.

From your friend,

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thank you Birdy 🙂

Nothing planned for my birthday, will probably just chill with Buddy. I can get a free meal from red rooster, so that's one thing 🙂

Yeah, still messaging with friends. They've put up with me so far...it's a relief.

[Music_Freak]

I'm still nervous about exam results...it's like it's sitting on my shoulder and is always there.

The first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep...

Got at least another 5 days of waiting 😞