I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for the replies and congratulations 🙂

Today was OK until I started thinking about everything. No wonder I'm barely eating...too busy overthinking all the time.

I'm thinking I might just spend the weekend hiding in bed.

[Ggrand]

Hello MF,

Sounds like a good plan..I'll join you...

🛏...Grandy..

[Music_Freak]

I'd like the company Grandy, it gets lonely having no one in your life.

I got out of bed at about 3pm and went for a walk to the shop for cat food and bananas. Proud of myself for not buying junk food, at least, I picked it up but put it back...and trying not to beat myself up for not getting out of bed earlier.

Was planning on driving to the shops tomorrow, but think I might leave it and go for a walk Monday to pick up some study related stuff from my psychologist, a script and a little food.

Not sure if I'll get out of bed tomorrow either...I probably should, I have washing that needs doing at some stage

[Ggrand]

MF, I will agree,mine been on my own now 5 years, no one around me, tiny village elderly residents, No neighbours really, I don't see anyone for days..Sons 400 Kim's away, the loneliness gets very overwhelming at times..most times I'm ok but other times.. well..

I think I will stay in bed tomorrow...I did most of today...problem is every day is exactly the same..except Tuesday, my volunteer day...

IMy washing can wait..

[smallwolf]

MF,

Back again after wandering about. My last assignment was handed in last night. Now have a few weeks off before the next term starts. Cannot recall what subject(s) exactly I am doing then! When do your studies begin?

Read that you bought some Halestorm stuff. That is not necessarily bad. I had a list of fun thing and had to do some of them. Anyway, one of the things I did was to buy the new album from Ne Obliviscaris - I even got it on vinyl, and was one of the limited edition ones. But it made me feel good. Hopefully you have the same feeling.

Depending on the temp outside... spending a day in bed can be nice. Just don't do it too often.

Hope you are OK.

Tim

[Music_Freak]

Hi Tim, thanks for stopping by 🙂

I start on the 23rd of July.

Yeah, I feel OK about the stuff I bought, it's just the money. I'll likely be happy when it turns up though.

I think I've been spending too much time in bed, will have to stop that before uni starts. It's not a good habit to get into.

[Music_Freak]

Can anybody think of a cheap-ish reward I can buy myself at the end of every uni semester?
So far I've thought of new ear piercings and laser hair removal.

I was thinking of a good quality leather jacket as a graduation/first paycheque reward...or is 42-43 too old for one?!

It's just a thought to keep me motivated with study, since I feel like withdrawing right now...

[Music_Freak]

Facebook friends have mentioned books, handbag/s, weekend away (hard with Buddy, but could do day trip, possibly overnight), concert tickets, seeing a movie...

I just can't think of anything. It's all spending money to me 😞

[Ggrand]

Hello MF,

I just called in to see how your feeling, then I heard you about a gift at the end of your semesters..

I think that if you bought yourself a gold or silver bracelet, then at the end of each semester you could buy yourself a gold or silver charm, then by the time you have completed uni, you will also have completed your charm bracelet..plus you don't need to worry so much about the money being spent on it, because gold and silver are investments and can only increase in value.. I hope I helped a little..

I hope you are feeling okay.. I got my sewing machine out for the first time in 4 years and hemmed up some curtains.. yay me..

Kind thoughts.

Grandy..

[Music_Freak]

Well done on the curtains, its been a while since I went near my sewing machine. I have a whole pile of “to do” sewing. No idea when I'll get to it with uni...

I would never have thought to buy something like a charm bracelet. I like it