I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Ggrand]

Thank you MF, I haven't sewn for over 4 years, I took no joy in doing it, it was more to try and get me of the lounge..I have been either bed or lounge nearly 24/7 when I'm home, which is nearly always...At least my lounge windows look nice...I used to do a lot of hand sewing, embroidery, cross stitch,long stitch, but now im just to tired to even starting that again...

Im pleased you like the charm bracelet idea...it's something to think about...

Sleep well MF, dream sweetly and wake up with a heart full of sunshine,,🌹💜..

Grandy..

[Music_Freak]

I'm glued to my bed too, when I'm home. It's not the best routine to have. I'm finding now that I'm finding it difficult to get anything done and with uni looming, everything will only get harder...

Today's been pretty uneventful. I did my dishes, and started tidying my laundry. Halestorm's drummer did comment 3x on instagram posts. Every time it happens I turn into a 14 year old with the squealing etc. I can't seem to stop it.

[Ggrand]

Hello MF,

I joined you today, I got up had a cuppa tea, the bed again..I keep telling myself it's okay to stay in bed...

Thats so really sweet and cute that the teenage squeals come out when the drummer comes on, it shows your a very passionate person...that's gold MF...

Another Night, then another day, they run into each other.. How long until you start uni? I bet your looking forward to it...I know you will do good..

I think when uni comes around you will work out a routine your comfortable with and stick to it...

You and buddy take care of each other..Please..

Kind thoughts ,

Grandy....xx

[Music_Freak]

I keep telling myself that bed is OK too...but maybe I shouldn't. The days and nights are just a blur of sameness. I barely even know what day it is anymore.

I'm over the squealing and burying my face in a pillow so I don't scare Buddy, but it's still making me smile 🙂

I start uni on the 23rd of July, so 6 or 7 weeks, I think. All I seem to be doing is setting my alarm to gradually wake up earlier. I will probably start reading and getting into how to research next week sometime. I'm looking forward to it and completely terrified that I won't be able to do it at the same time. I should know if it's a worthwhile endeavour around Christmas.

[Birdy77]

Hey MF,

Did your Haelstorm stuff arrive? How cute, you squealing like a tween when he commented TIMES 3 on your Insta!! What sort of stuff do you put on that page? I think you said it's dedicated to them, like a fan page?

About uni: You'll probs have to push yourself a bit once the semester starts, but the cool thing about distance ed is you can pretty much get your degree in your pyjamies! However, in my experience, I must say it does help to try to get into a good routine of getting up and dressed, treat the day as a full day of study, and then unwind at the end of the day. If you find it hard to discipline yourself to do this at home, is there a library close by that you could take your laptop and books, and treat it almost like an office?

Have you had a look at the Study Skills section on the uni website? They usually have a bunch of help for students who haven't studied for ages and need support in getting into the swing if things. Did you find the Pam Peters book? Don't forget the support people at the distance ed office too, they are usually über-helpful.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

I won't get the Halestorm stuff until the album is out in July. It can be a uni present almost. I just post pics that I find, nothing special, it is a fan page 🙂

I've had a look at the uni website, but I do find it confusing. I might have to go back and bookmark a lot of pages. My disipline is OK because I've studied from home before, but never uni. I'm finding the getting into a routine hard enough.

I did find the Pam Peters book for about $20 online. I have to start reading everything next week.

I slept most of today, so my routine needs work 😞

[smallwolf]

Hi MF,

Birdy has posted some sage advice.

The only part I will add is this... when you are doing readings or reading your text book, don't worry if you don't understand what is said the first time around. There are some papers that I needed to read 3 times before I had any grasp of what was being said. It is not your fault if something does not make sense the first time you read something. I blame the author. AND... when I speak to other students about certain authors or papers, they will have the same/similar response. You will also find that other students will not bother doing any reading(s). If you at least attempt (a) reading, you will be a step ahead of the others.

But take it slowly and you will get there.

You can do it. I know you can.

Tim

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Tim,

Especislly the last line you wrote...I need all the reassurance I can get right now.

I feel like my is shrinking...

[Music_Freak]

Last line should say:

I feel like my BRAIN is shrinking.

Not being able to type that correctly makes me think I've lost a few hundred brain cells just now.

[Birdy77]

😂😂😂😂😂 hahaha!!

That's funny MF