I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I just spent $160 on Halestorm stuff, (they've got a new album coming out in July) and I'm having a bit of a freak out/panic attack...

I hate spending money!! I've already spent hundreds for uni...

Now I just have to relax and get to sleep...we'll see if that happens...

[Music_Freak]

I went for a walk, the warmth from the sun was nice, but the glare on the wet roads, not so much...

I forgot cat food and want to get some bananas, so maybe I'll go again tomorrow.

[Ggrand]

Hello MF,

I hope you got to go to the shop the other day..If I run out of bread or milk, I have a 1 hour round trip to get it. How good it would be to be able to just walk to a shop from home...

Halestorm, I hadn't heard of them until I visited your thread a few months back and ask who was your favourite music group/singer..I was going to listen on YouTube but I must have forgotten, but I will when I finish here...It's okay if you spent money on what/who you like..Think of all the wonderful hours you have of listening to them and that means hours of some of peace from negative thoughts..

I hope today is a good day with some light..

kind thoughts,

Grandy👼

[Music_Freak]

I know I should be happy/ok with spending money on Halestorm, but it's the seeing my savings going down that I don't like 😞

Wow...living in a metro area I forget the travel some people have to do for basic necessities. I'd really never go anywhere if I was in your position Birdy.

[Ggrand]

Hi MF,

I just checked out halestorm, she has a good band and her songs are good..

Im old school thought, Eric claptain, credence, Simon and garfunkel..

Halestorm, has older style music..

Enjoy your day the best you can..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy

[Music_Freak]

There's nothing wrong with old school. I'm getting back into Queen a bit lately 🙂

Halestorm are all in their 30s, but sometimes I think with some of the music they come out with, they appear older. But the 2 siblings started as kids in 1997, so they didn't just appear out of the blue yesterday.

I had an OK day, but the (I'm too dumb for) uni thoughts have been creeping back today though 😞

[Ggrand]

Hey MF,

Queen um I remember them as well, I listened to a couple more of her songs today, they grow on you.. I

I am pleased you had an okay day.. ..but the doubts MF...throw them out..tell the (I'm to dumb ) thought away..go ..on..shooo..shooo go away... The way you talk here on the forums, you are very bright. You have a good range of knowledge..I'm not sure if I asked or if you told anyone.. only if you want to , I can easily understand if you don't/can't tell, what are you going to study at uni? .only if you want to..

Nighty Nites, MF..I hope you sleep well.

warm and kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[Music_Freak]

Thank you Grandy, I appreciate your kind words.

I think I did mention what I'm studying here...somewhere, no clue where now.

I'm going to be doing social work, but at the moment I'm enrolled in a social sciences degree, which is the same as social work for the first 2 years.

No one in my family even bothered to congratulate me...I guess it just cements why I had to walk away and leave them. They just don't know what it's like being me or even care. I've gotten more good wishes from facebook friends etc.

Like I didn't know that years ago...I just wish I'd walked away years ago...

[Doolhof]

Hi Music_Freak,

Congratulations on doing some study! Hope it goes well for you and leads you where you want to go.

Sometimes I think that family just don't get it because they believe we will always be around.

One day I asked my husband why he doesn't stop to have a chat with me, he said because I will always be here and he can do that anytime. It is a weird way of thinking to my perspective.

I've not hear of Halestorm, then again I have no idea who sings most of the songs I listen to on the radio anyway. Ha. Ha.

Once again, all the best with your study!

Cheers from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello MF,

I would also like to congratulate you as well as our lovely Dools..

Social work, I think that is a really good subject to be studying well done.. Any type of study that leads to a helping role to people is a very rewarding job. I really think that you will do a top job at it and you will be a compassionate and very kind, caring social worker..Well done.. on you selected studies..

MF you are much loved and cared for here and I know I feel really proud of you and I'm sure the other here will as well.

I hope you have a better day today then yesterday..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy...