I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Didn't go shopping, was too tired and felt off and anxious at about 6am.

Someone came to look at my roof, so it was lucky I was home.

[Music_Freak]

Planning on shopping tomorrow, because well, I need food.

It'll be raining and that does make the car cover tricky...oh well.

I've never been shopping on a Sunday, hopefully it's not awful.

Had a semi productive day, mowed back lawn and dishes are done.

[Ggrand]

Hello MF,

Well done on mowing your back lawn..That is a job I do not like doing..I haven't had to mow much last summer, because central west is in drought, we haven't seen rain now for over 1.5 years... I read you are getting rain tomorrow, When and if it ever rains here I'll be outside dancing in it for sure..

Sunday shopping here is okay ..it's quiet. but everything closes at 12pm an the weekend, we don't have all day shopping here..

i hope the rest of your weekend is good for you..

kind and caring thoughts,

Grandy.

[Music_Freak]

11-5 shopping here, so I'll have a lazy morning. I would say a sleep in, but that depends on Buddy behaving.

I watched a couple of episodes of 24 Hours in Emergency that's on SBS and cried when someone's mother died. Seems to be a huge trigger for me, even after 11 years.

I'm trying to watch Gorillas in the Mist, but just can't seem to settle. Maybe I'll have an early tea and try again.

I'm trying not to overthink driving and shopping tomorrow...

[Ggrand]

Sounds good to me MF...I don't like shopping,mi do mine on Tuesdays.

Theres no way I can watch those emergency shows, just hearing the sirens is enough to set me into a crying mess, I try to only watch fantasy or kids movies, if I see someone dying on a show the same happens...It's hard for to sometimes so my DVDs get a good run..

Yes do some deep breathing tomorrow before you have to go out if your anxious...I know hard to remember to do at the time we need to...

My two little dogs are up when the sun comes out..lol giving me either a foot clean or kisses all over my face...but love them so much...

Warm wishes and kind thoughts,

Grandy

[Music_Freak]

Still can't settle to watch Gorillas in the Mist...I guess when your own family thinks you look like a silverback, it's hard to be interested.

Buddy bites my toes when he wants something. Weird for a cat, but I guess I'm lucky it's cooler at the moment and my feet stay covered. I just get meowed at until I move/wake up 🙂

[Music_Freak]

Well, I sucks at shopping. I forgot tomatoes! Who forgets tomatoes?!

I always end up frazzled and forgetting something.

I don't like Sunday shopping either, too crowded. Back to early weekdays...

[Music_Freak]

Geez, all I'm doing is sleeping and reading.

Woke up at 2pm after falling asleep at midnight/1am...there's got to be something wrong with me.

I've given myself until the first of June to start getting up early and stuff for uni work, but I'm doubting I'll make it right now...I'm just so tired lately

[Birdy77]

Hey MF,

I think a lot of people struggle with the onset of winter and the cooler weather ... it can be hard to not want to snuggle down when it's dreary and cold.

Sometimes it's ok to go with it ... and sometimes I need to just force myself to do what needs doing and push through the tiredness.

You might find it helpful to try to work in some short walks or hop on your exercise bike for 5 minutes, or do some yoga stretches for 10 minutes .. just to get the blood flowing. When you start studying that will help too, to break up your day and get oxygen up to your brain.

I might follow my own advice shortly and go for a walk in the cool brisk air.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to force some activity out of me. I need bread, so there's a little 5-10 minute walk. After the walk snd taking Buddy outside, who knows...

I've decided that the 4th will be the day to start getting up early etc. because that's Monday. Might try and ease into it a little until then.

I only had lunch and tea today, so that's something else I have to work on. Eating 3 meals a day shouldn't be so hard to do...