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I'm really trying to feel better about myself

Music_Freak
Community Member

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

1,720 Replies 1,720

On emergency contact... Could you ask your neighbours? Assuming they are permanent and not temporary? And if you are unable to put your sisters details down, think of the people you associate with? I hope you will be able to make contacts or connections at Uni, with people having similar interests, at least in study. I think that you will enjoy it.

So sorry to read about the family matters. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Instead I will just sit beside you. Maybe you could put on some music?

There's literally no one. I despise one neighbour and have barely spoken to the other in 15 years.

The people who I associate with are my psychologist and here on the forums.

There might be connections made at uni, but they'll likely get sick of me and leave, like all my other ex friends. I'm not sure how likely it is to happen doing online study either.

A facebook friend in Texas offered to be the contact. Not sure what use they'll be, but it's allowed with the uni.

At least there's a decent human on there now

I'm watching the second season of 13 Reasons Why and for the first time in I forget how long I'm sitting on my sofa instead of hiding in bed.

Admittedly, I'm wearing my ErgoPouch suit so I'm toasty warm.

It feels so foreign to be out of bed...

Lying in bed at the moment. Waiting for wife to get home. Had psychologist appointment this morning. Will write that up on my own thread later.

The show you were watching... Is it a series or movie? I could google it but too lazy at the moment.

How have things been going for you otherwise? Hopefully on the up. Hope you are having a good weekend.

Smallwolf

13 Reasons Why is a series on netflix, it's about a high school girl who records tapes about why she committed suicide (she was bullied, raped etc). It can be full on, but I like it.

I'm doing OK, but that might be because I'm having a lazy weekend, hopefully I am on the way up, I have to be with uni approaching. We'll see if it lasts.

Felt off all day today, but did manage to make a zucchini slice for tea and freezing and prepped a second one. Mostly stayed in bed though.

Today would've been my mum's 74th birthday.

It's 6:45pm and I'm so tired...

Birdy77
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey MF ❤

Sorry to hear today is a sad anniversary for you ... your Mum would have been proud of you for what you've achieved in the last few months ...

Let's raise a glass to your Mum now, I am ... here's to your Mum 🍷

🌻birdy

Thanks Birdy 🙂

I've got a decaf cup of tea. I'd normally have some vegemite on toast and dip it in the tea like my mum used to (it doesn't taste too bad, surprisingly), but not really hungry...so I'll just raise my cuppa 🙂

I hope my mum is finally proud of me, I've done big pile of not a lot to be proud of, until this year, really...even though I'm going to have a fight on my hands when it comes to coping with uni.

Feeling really anxious about driving to shop tomorrow.

I hate this...

How can I even hope to drive across town to uni when I get anxious over maybe 10 minutes to shop 😞

My psychologist says I should do the uni drive ahead of time to get used of it...I'm just not sure I can afford the petrol. I can't decide if I should do it regardless (I do have savings) before my on campus stuff happens.

My brain won't stop tonight 😞