I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Panic attacks are back...damn.

I wish I had someone to talk to or call or something, but “friends” get tired of me and leave.

Whether I am able to accept it or not, a life without a job or friends seems to be my destiny and I hate even the thought of it

Whatever I try never even comes close to working and I'm so sick of it - why does every tiny thing have to be such a battle for me, while everyone around me has it so easily?! I can't handle it!!!!

[Croix]

Dear Narelle~

A down-time. It happens - unfortunately.

First with the panic attacks - you are ok on breathing techniques etc?

Second being alone, each line of text here represents a flesh and blood person (plus a walrus), someone who is like you, maybe at different stages in their journey, maybe not. They post to you because they care.

If they say too little, or don't quite get it - still human, still there.

With the names. My humble suggestion (internationally renowned author that I am) is to look at it one of 2 ways: either the name dictates the character - in which case you choose the name first. Or the character chooses the name - you can choose the name last or along the way.

Sometimes you might have a mix with some protagonists named and some not.

Similarly you might write a set of unrelated scenes and try to string them together later - If you can't they become short stories.

You are getting there you know - even trying to write is a step.

Croix (who is giving up the marine life to become a writing coach - that's where the real clams are:)

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for your reply Croix, I've read it a few times already 🙂

I do the inhale-hold-exhale for four seconds exercise. I can't remember any other techniques, if I was ever told them. That and playing games on my phone for the distraction.

I'm hoping I can make a proper start on writing this week, it'll probably all be random, but still. I can come up with a beginning, so I'm going to skip it 🙂

[Croix]

page 3 of this bb publication has more on breathing:

http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/0506

Hope it helps

C

[quirkywords]

Music Freak

I think it is great that you write every day. That is a good routine.

I think names are something you can have fun with. Like using place names as first names or think of random objects around the room - can be endless.

I try and write every day sometimes it is just me complaining I can't think of anything to write but other days there is something among the rambling.

Take care

quirkywords

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

I'm actually very excited for your writing plans and adventures. Maybe I'm admittedly living vicariously through you; I used to write a lot then - long story short- stuff happened at home and I've stopped writing since then (save for uni work and work related stuff haha).

Panic attacks are awful. They can be super unsettling. Hopefully you don't get anymore this week.

All the best with your writing adventures this week!

Dottie x

P.S. About what you said earlier, I don't feel there's any "pressure" as you put it on me to reply. Rest assured, I'm pretty (very) stubborn by nature so I won't do something unless I truly want to.

[Music_Freak]

At least someone is excited Dottie 🙂

I haven't really gotten that far with anything recently, but maybe that'll change over Easter.

I think it's a shame when people give up writing...I was nearly one of them, but I found it again. Maybe you could too, 100 words a day or something small to begin with

Well, I'm glad you want to visit my thread and post then 🙂

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

My last post disappeared when the connection died out...

Trying to remember what I wrote haha.

Maybe just take it as it comes with the writing...as you said, baby steps. I'm glad you rediscovered writing.

Thanks, it's a good suggestion 😊 I just draw a blank when I sit in front of a screen or even holding a pen. Hard to believe considering I write a fair amount on BB. But creative writing is very different to my BB posts.

Uni has been same old, same old (busy) but I'm looking forward to various plans with friends over the next few days.

Have a safe weekend!

Dottie x

[Music_Freak]

Still no writing, it just isn't really coming yet 😞 I'm going to keep trying, but without the pressure from myself, I hope, which might be hard...

I'm busy sanding a table to re-stain it...it's making my arms SO sore!! Not seeing family or anything over Easter, doing stuff for my benefit instead 🙂

Enjoy your time with friends 🙂 I wish I knew what that was like, but oh well, I'll just try my best to stay distracted 🙂 I guess I've got BB friends...

[Music_Freak]

Well, I'm really starting to doubt my driving ability at the moment...

I'm convinced that my car's wanting to veer to the right, but I barely drive it...I did wonder if it's my tyres not being inflated enough (I haven't done them for a while). I really don't need to have to pay for a wheel alignment etc. when I have to pay rego and haven't had air con since June/July...