I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Guest_1055]

So are you stressed to talk with her Narelle, like perhaps you don't know what to say? I so much want to understand you... I can be fearful verbally speaking to others. And I find it a real challenge to speak on a phone.

oh a fictional book! What will you write about? Exciting

Shell xx

[Music_Freak]

It's the putting it off again and letting them down - AGAIN!

I've got a load of ideas, right now I'm leaning towards a fictional bullying type thing. I have to see if I can develop the characters and stuff. I don't have much faith in myself...

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

I think it's great that you're into writing. Well, maybe just give it a go...no harm in trying. You never know, maybe you're the next J.K. Rowling 😊

I get that self esteem and confidence is an ongoing struggle but can I suggest just giving writing a shot? I mean, you have nothing to lose and it sounds like something you're keen on.

Also, about publishing, aside from the traditional route of being published by some major publishing house (is that what they're called?), there's also the option of self publishing. No idea how it works but I've heard about it.

Uni has been burying me alive with assessments plus I've upcoming work experience that I need to organise mid year. Been a bit busy so have a growing backlog of posts that I'm yet to reply to haha

Dottie x

[Croix]

Dear Narella~

You mentioned writing some fiction. I apologize if you know all this already, I'm just saying in case you don't.

A lot of budding authors (including some that are now household words) started with on-line fiction, many in the fanfic genres. works from one page to 400, no costs, and only comments from others if you want them.

Many people think of a TV series or a book or series of books that they felt something for and then expand the characters into new situations (Harry Potter is common).

Some take their own experiences and fictionalize them as a sort of anonymous bio, and some write to convey a message, or just how they are feeling.

This is an area I've looked at a fair bit. there are many 'fanfic faq' pages on the web to get one started.

Maybe your idea of writing, which involves doing something at home that you can keep coming back to and that does not involve others might well be a good thing. At least no traveling or expense.

Croix

[Music_Freak]

Croix, I've written heaps of fan fic in the past, the unfortunate thing is that I'm no longer friends with people I let read my work 😞

So far, I've got names in my head, I guess that's better than nothing!

Dottie, please don't feel pressured to reply to my thread, I know you're busy

[Croix]

Dear Narelle~

OK I'm impressed:) There is an awful lot of good stuff in fan-fic.

As for not being friends with the readers. Well any author who publishes has to just disregard who reads it. You may have a little more control if you write in a closed community, but I have the feeling that - for fiction anyway - the author writes because it is inside and has to come out.

Well I guess it starts that way then the publishers press for more because it makes them money.

Either way I'd guess writing might be a good thing for you. Now I don't pretend to be an author or anything, just someone who finds a coping mechanism by writing out tiny bits of his memories. I do it when I'm not in that good a way and it helps me. I have only found that out since being here on the Forum.

Another method to help me cope. I do write more than I put up here, but leave it without posting. What I do put up is for me (plus a bit of nostalgia for Gruffudd too I guess).

The names already? Now maybe you can flesh them out:)

Croix

[Music_Freak]

I actually sat down and sort of wrote a little today, just some plot ideas really, but with a blinding headache I think I did alright. I even found an old idea I started years ago and tweaked that, so that's two ideas noted 🙂

I've got a GP appointment on Monday and will probably shop, but after that I may work on it all for an hour or two.

I'm feeling slightly motivated about something for the first time in months...

[Croix]

Dear Narelle~

I'm sitting here listening to Carlos Santana's Samba Pa Ti (which has nothing to do with anything) and feeling pleased for you.

Writing may, like Moon's bowling, be a creative outlet your soul needs. I've found that I can't stick to one thing in a linear fashion, but have two or three things on the go - mind you calling me 'slow' would be an exaggeration:)

Maybe the ideas coming in will take your mind off the headache and other hassles for a bit. I feel inside me when all is bleak that being able to do one thing has been a help.

Croix

[Music_Freak]

I didn't do any writing today, still didn't feel well, plus I'm a bit nervous about the GP tomorrow ( I'm getting blood results). I've spent most of today playing facebook games

But one is entitled to a rest day and I think Sundays will be mine 🙂

[Music_Freak]

I've decided to try and write today, but one of my unfinished fan fics, not my book ideas.

The female character in it is on her third name change and the male is named after the drummer who wrote what's in my profile pic...so it's lame as hell so far!