I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

I'm so sorry yo feel so wretched at the moment. You have been here before and you know you hang in and get some help you'll be able to fight the demons.

I'm so proud of you (planning on) making an appointment with your psych. I know it feels really hard now but you can lift up that phone. If nothing else do it for Buddy he'd be very lost without you.

Hugs, x

[Wilma1]

Hi Music - Freak, you don't know me. I just stumbled across your post and wanted to let you know you're not alone. I often feel like you are right now, and if it wasn't for my little Maggie it would all be unbearable. I hope you have managed to make an appointment with your psych. Things will get better in time. Thinking of you with kindness. Wishful

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

The concerts sound great. It is certainly something to look forward to. I can see it might be a bit challenging too with some of your old friends not getting along so well with you. I can understand you giving up on them but don't give up on anyone, you just haven't met the right people yet.

I hope all goes well with the psych. Having a chat about how you are feeling about people might be a good thing. It may give you an opportunity to get some ideas on how to make new friends (other than all your friends here of course).

Thinking of you,

Carol

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

How are you going?

Hugs, x

[Wednesday]

Hi Carol,

Storm is adorable, awwww, I want a cuddle, pats and tickles from me.

Hugs, x

[Music_Freak]

I still haven't managed to make the appointment yet, I haven't been well this week with stomach pain and stuff, so hopefully I'll call next week. I'm trying to psych myself up for it

I feel like a bit of a failure right now, I mean, I can't keep friends or even make a phone call!! I'm thinking about doing a vet nurse certificate, to try for a job since the office idea seems to have been an epic fail all round, but it's expensive and part of me wonders if it'll be a waste of time like the other certificates I've done

[Wednesday]

Dear Music,

Please make the appointment, I know it is hard for you to do. I also know you can do this. Sometimes life sucks for no reason other than it does. You have dropped down into a sad place, you know that it wont last and you will come back up again, you have done it before and will do it again. Have you noticed having stomach pains etc when you have felt low before?

It is easier if you have some help, sweetie make the appointment, there is nothing to lose. By the way what is happening with your meds at the moment?

You're are not a failure just unwell, we all have our moments. You will make the call and you will make friends, remember it is baby steps that get you there in the end. A vet nurse cert sounds fabulous. I worked a very long time ago in a vet's I loved all the animals. You would get lots out of being around those sick babies that need a pat or extra cuddle when their owners aren't around to reassure them. Have you looked at the curriculum yet?

One step at a time, you can do this. Don't let your brain terrorists win, you're to precious.

Hugs, xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Narelle and Everyone,

Some days can be a little tough can't they! Sorry to read you are struggling Narelle.

I've just spent 4 days at the beach. I was fine while my sister was with me, the rest of the time I went walking on the beach then hid in my accommodation. Maybe that was what I needed to do for a while. Have a break.

I too find it hard to make phone calls and organise appointments at times. I know I need to do these things, but actually doing it can be difficult.

Wishing you all strength, determination and will power! When you have worked out how to gain these things, please let me know. Ha. Ha.

Warm greetings or encouragement to you all. Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Music_Freak]

Thanks ladies 🙂

I'm putting the vet nursing idea on hold until next year when I have more money. I haven't really looked into it much because I worry that there aren't many jobs (I looked) to make spending thousands a worthwhile endeavour.

I'm going to start focusing on looking for office jobs and getting my typing speed better, see what comes of it. I won't hold my breathe, but you never know. I might go back to my voluntary work in December too.

I have to make a follow up appointment with my doctor after seeing the psychologist, so more to do...

My car airconditioning has crapped it and people seem to think it has a leak, so more reasons not to drive. (just anxiety and lack of money in the way of that, really). I go out shopping around 8am anyway to avoid traffic and having to find a park (front to kerb) when I can't do it.

So much in my head, I hate it 😞

[Wednesday]

Baby steps!

Good luck with the doctors appointment.

Hugs, xx